[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

One day God calls down to Noah and says, “Noah my old friend, I want you to make me a new Ark”.

Noah replies, “No problems God, O Supreme Being, anything You want, after all, You’re the Boss.”

But God interrupts, “Ah, but there’s a catch; this time Noah, I don’t just want a couple of decks . . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other”.

“20 DECKS!?”, screams Noah. “Well, OK O Lord, whatever You say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?”

Yep, that’s right, well . . . sort of right . . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish”, God answers.

“Fish?” queries Noah, “… in an Ark?”

“Yep, fish . . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Carp!”

Noah looks to the skies. “OK God, My Oldest Friend, let me get this right, You want a New Ark?”

“Check”.

“…with 20 decks, one on top of the other?”

“Check”.

And You want it full of Carp?”

“Check”.

Why?” asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end of his tether.
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“Dunno”, says God, “I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark”.

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A zebra dies and goes to (this is a JOKE after all) Heaven. St. Peter greets him. "Hello, child. Now that you're in Heaven, is there anything you ever wanted or needed to know but did not?"
The zebra replies "Yes, actually. I have always wanted to know... am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"
St. Peter thought for a minute and said "Well, child, that is a question God Himself will have to answer for you. Come, I will show you the way."
So St. Peter leads him down the golden path to God. When they get there St. Peter bows and leaves.
God says "Yes, my son? Is there something you wanted to ask me?"
The zebra shifts from foot to foot, nervous at being in His presence. God is patient. When he finally finds his voice the zebra timidly asks "Well, God, it's like this. I've always wanted to know, I've never been able to figure it out... Am I black with white stripes or am I white with black stripes?"
He only has to wait a second before God booms out "You are what you are, my son."
"You are what you are?" Stutters the zebra.
"Yes. Now go in peace, Child."
The zebra turns around and leaves. St. Peter meets him at the gate and with a big smile asks the zebra "Well, did you get your question answered?"
"Yes. Well. No. Kind of. I guess." St. Peter looks at him and wonders about the confusion.
"Well, come on, tell me what God said. If I know then I will be able to answer any other zebra's question as well."
The zebra takes a deep breath and blurts out "Well, he told me 'You are what you are', but I don't get it."
When St. Peter burst into laughter it only served to confuse the poor zebra even more. "How can you laugh at a time like this? I still don't know the answer to my question."
After wiping tears of mirth from his eyes, St. Peter replies "Oh, child. It is a no-brainer! You are white with black stripes!"
The zebra, now even more confused than ever, glares at St. Peter and says "Now just HOW do you get THAT from His answer?"
St. Peter replies "Oh, child. He said 'You are what you are'. You are white with black stripes. If you had been black with white stripes God would have said 'You is what you is'."

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Sister, I have to issue you a stern rebuke for making such foolish, unBiblical statements.

The Holy Bible clearly states that God expects us to judge the unrighteous.



Sister Thumper is clearly a True Christian™, and so she is commanded by God to judge wetbacks, queers, witches, nigras, foreigners, and those who worship false Gods.

Better go back and study your Bible. Better let a Man do your thinking from now on.

And so you've COMPLETELY disregarded "Judge not, lest ye be judged!

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Just like you completely disregard all things that don't allow fucking little boys in the ass?

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Just like you completely disregard all things that don't allow fucking little boys in the ass?

Shouldn't you be getting an infraction for that vulgar post?

[Sister Rebecca]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Absolutely not. We TC women are allowed to speak to nasty mary-worshipping, hell-bound, impudent, ass-fuckers however we like.
If you were a TC man I would be bound and gagged and sent for rehabilitation, but YOU are fair game.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

And so you've COMPLETELY disregarded "Judge not, lest ye be judged!

I see you've pulled that old out-of-context quote on us again. Shame on you for claiming to be a man of God (in a round about way) without knowing the Bible!

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

OK...Back to the Jokes:

A man, down on his luck, went into a church which catered to the "uppity". Spotting the man's dirty clothes a deacon, worried about the churches image, went to the man and asked him if he needed help. The man said, "I was praying and the Lord told me to come to this church."
The deacon suggested that the man go pray some more and possibly he might get a different answer. The next Sunday the man returned. The deacon asked, "Did you get a different answer?"
The man replied, "Yes I did. I told the Lord that they don't want me in that church and the Lord said, 'Don't worry about it son; I've been trying to get into that church for years and haven't made it yet."

[StreetPreacherLew]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why would an entire church full of believers run from satan? We have spiritual authority. Satan may cause sickness, but Christ delivered us from it. He has no power over us. So why run? Real believers would have ordered him to leave and stayed there for service. They wouldn't have run away leaving just an old man to face him.

Sigh! It was obviously a Methodist church!!!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

And so you've COMPLETELY disregarded "Judge not, lest ye be judged!

Would you mind putting that phrase in the context of the full verse? Thanks.


Fluffy-bunny imbecile.

Absolutely not. We TC women are allowed to speak to nasty mary-worshipping, hell-bound, impudent, ass-piffleers however we like.
If you were a TC man I would be bound and gagged and sent for rehabilitation, but YOU are fair game.

Sister Rebecca, perhaps you should make that point to Vayhrzilla. He seems to have not gotten that message, and has been very rude to Sister Justina Thyme.

[StreetPreacherLew]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Abu Mohammed Amagotnonads comes to America and begins working for the ACLU but is unfamiliar with American advances in toiletry. On his first day on the job he comes back from the men's room saying he can't find any hole in the ground. His boss explains how American plumbing works and sends Abu Mohammed back.

A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream shakes the office walls. His boss runs into the bathroom to investigate why he's screaming.

Abu Mohammed replies, "I am just sitting here on the toilet like you instructed to do and every time I am making to flush, something comes up and squeezes dearly on my poor testicles."

His boss looks at what he's sitting on and says, "You Unsaved idiot. You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

[Father Thomas Martin]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read:

"PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT"

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:

"BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS"

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

"NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey; she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

"NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10"

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

"NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE"

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is ...

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery ... even shorten your life.

So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass.

You'll be a lot happier and live longer!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A priest entered his donkey

I stopped here, horrified.

Disgusting. What could you possibly find funny about such depravity?!

Oh, yes. You're Catholic.

[Brother Guy Bayard]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What's the difference between Father Christmas and a jew?

Santa goes down the chimney.

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

A pizza is a tasty cheese-covered foodstuff, whereas the Jew is a treacherous accursed lizard that owns all the banks.



And also a pizza doesn't scream when it goes in the oven.