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Christiana Christiana is offline
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-05-2007, 05:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
In honor of Paris Hilton's conversion to Christianity (see Video proof of her True Christian? status HERE!) this year the gold, silver, bronze, and first runner-up prize for the Sunday School labor-day essay contest ("How the estate tax persecutes America's hard-working heirs") will be this $270 hot pink calfskin Bible.


Don't expect to be the next First Lady of the USA without it!

(The prize for winning boys will be the usual selection of sidearms).
Thank you Brother Jeb. I love the color pink. It is so female. When I see that color I just thank God that He created me a woman.
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-05-2007, 07:51 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That football player sure seems to be going for the other one's balls *whistle*
And who doesn't like a nice, firm ass? ;p

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley View Post
If I wanted to watch a bunch of half-naked Eurotrash kick a rubber ball around I would go to a Swedish live sex show- at least the seats wouldn't be so sticky.
Only someone of your stature would know what live Swedish sex shows are like, correct?


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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-05-2007, 01:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poison__x View Post
That football player sure seems to be going for the other one's balls *whistle*
And who doesn't like a nice, firm ass? ;p



Only someone of your stature would know what live Swedish sex shows are like, correct?


Get a haircut hippie!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-05-2007, 02:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poison__x View Post
And I don't care what Jesus thi... oh wait, he can't think, he's been dead for 2k years!
Jesus died and rose again. God temporarily sacrificed Himself to Himself to avert His own wrath. Can't you show just a little bit of gratitude to Him?


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Trent Harvey, Jr.'s Avatar
Trent Harvey, Jr. Trent Harvey, Jr. is offline
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True Christian™

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Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-22-2007, 08:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
Brother Trent, I think living in the safety and luxury of Baghdad has spoiled you! A tazer? Sure, if she wants to give some junkie hopped up on goofballs an electric tickle, or maybe it's good if the Iraqi poolboys momentarily forget their place. However, once you're back here in the Godly United States, you'll find the land crawling with lieberals, Demoncrats, nigras, feminazis, witches, and the Hellyweird elite!

It may not come in pretty colors, but I personally carry an anodized gray Beretta 3032 Tomcat Inox and it works plenty good!
You've got a point: while it's fun hearing loudmouthed college kids saying "don't tase me bro", there's a reason we have the National Rifle Assosiation and no the National Tazer Assosiation.

Here's some fashion accessories for the SERIOUS lady:



Here's the diamond I'll give when I propose:


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Talitha Talitha is offline
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-22-2007, 10:43 PM

I saw the word Pink and somehow missed out on an interesting topic!

When it comes to protective accessories, Praise Jesus my personal designer comes up with only the best money can buy.
You never know when a Negra is going to come and try to rape you so I tend to be careful in these difficult times.

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Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-22-2007, 11:44 PM

Talitha! I don't know which is worse: the disgustingly exposed bellybutton in that picture, or your attempt to deny the southward migration of your breasts using Hitoshi-quality photoshopping skills!

I'll forgive you this time, only because I know you ladies are all hyped up about Brother Trent's visit. I know how a scar and a few war stories tends to turn even the most modest of ladies into a drooling "victory girl".


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Trent Harvey, Jr.'s Avatar
Trent Harvey, Jr. Trent Harvey, Jr. is offline
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Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-24-2007, 09:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
I know how a scar and a few war stories tends to turn even the most modest of ladies into a drooling "victory girl".
I have NO idea what you're talking about!

And her breasts are not droopy, they are tender, and if anything is to blame it's gravity.


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Current Project: Bedmates For Billionaires: Biblical eldercare straight from King David
Goal:
$500,000 Currently raised: $0.11 DONATE NOW! Yes, we accept Biblecoins!

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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-24-2007, 10:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trent Harvey, Jr. View Post
I have NO idea what you're talking about!

And her breasts are not droopy, they are tender, and if anything is to blame it's gravity.
Thank you Brother Trent, I'm pleased there is one Gentleman around here.

Brother Jeb, HOW DARE YOU talk about my Boobies in that manner
Being away from home for a few days is obviously having an effect on you.
By the way, the Sheep you had in the basement was a nice gesture and quite delicious too
Tell me, why was it dressed in that way? I've never seen one wearing high heels before, was that to help firm up the Leg meat? Seems to have worked.
Don't worry we saved you a little for your return.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-25-2007, 01:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Talitha View Post
Brother Jeb, HOW DARE YOU talk about my Boobies in that manner
Being away from home for a few days is obviously having an effect on you.
Alright, I'll apologize for the boob comment. I guess after a long enough time in Thailand all American women seem flabby and pale by comparism. Some men say it's like the difference between a ripe pear and a melting vanilla ice cream cone, uh, and I think I'll just stop right there.


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Trent Harvey, Jr.'s Avatar
Trent Harvey, Jr. Trent Harvey, Jr. is offline
Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
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Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Trent Harvey, Jr. is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 09-26-2007, 05:51 PM

UPDATE: Paris Hilton is not only a born-again Christian, it turns out she's been doing that "silver ring thing": that is, she's still a virgin.
Quote:
There’s some bad news today for those of you dreaming that you might one day enjoy a roll in the hay with highly-talented video star Paris Hilton: the hotel heiress has declined an offer to have a sex doll made in her image.
She's against graven images, which means she follows the 10 commandments. Now for the virginity pledge:
Quote:
An outraged Hilton said: “I turn down perverted things, some sex things. Like a Paris Hilton blow-up doll" …I’m like, ‘I really don’t want a real-life me with anyone, anywhere. No!’”
I always thought those internet videos looked fake for some reason.


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Current Project: Bedmates For Billionaires: Biblical eldercare straight from King David
Goal:
$500,000 Currently raised: $0.11 DONATE NOW! Yes, we accept Biblecoins!

True Christians™ believe they they exist to serve the Bible-revealed will of God.
False Christians believe the Bible exists to serve their will. GOD IS NOT YOUR YES-MAN!
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Goats Goats is offline
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-10-2007, 06:46 PM

HA! Those internet videos are as real as they come, friend. And why have you seen them anyway, a bit randy are we?


God IS the Salvation. We are his messengers, NOT his workers. We bring people TO HIM. Don't you people see that I am a retarded?
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-10-2007, 06:57 PM

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Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
HA! Those internet videos are as real as they come, friend. And why have you seen them anyway, a bit randy are we?
I should ask you the same thing, hypocrite?
How else could you know if they are "as real as they come" or not?

And what is "they" in this instance?
Do you refer to homemade porn videos? Or simply porn videos?
In the habit of watching such, are we?


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-10-2007, 07:34 PM

Most certainly not, sir. I just know of such things from my unholy friends, sir. I am asking Trent Harvey what you asked me. I see he has no reply yet either...


God IS the Salvation. We are his messengers, NOT his workers. We bring people TO HIM. Don't you people see that I am a retarded?
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-11-2007, 04:39 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
I am asking Trent Harvey what you asked me. I see he has no reply yet either...
Trent Harvey is a busy man. Do YOU have to run a nation of 30 million or so people that needs to be civilized and enlightened with Republican economic and security policy?

Do you think his time would be better spent chatting about pr0n with someone whose very name is proof that he's hellbound with no hope of forgiveness?

Mark 3:28 Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme: But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness


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Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-11-2007, 06:41 AM

I did not no he was a busy man. I apologize. But why do you assume that the word 'Ghost' makes me hellbound? It's a strange thing to say, my friend.


God IS the Salvation. We are his messengers, NOT his workers. We bring people TO HIM. Don't you people see that I am a retarded?
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-11-2007, 07:06 AM

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Originally Posted by Ghost View Post
I did not no he was a busy man. I apologize. But why do you assume that the word 'Ghost' makes me hellbound? It's a strange thing to say, my friend.
No problem, kid. I'll give you a better username.


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"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-11-2007, 03:33 PM

oh. I see 'Goats' is my new user name. I actually preffered my name left as 'Ghost' if you please?


God IS the Salvation. We are his messengers, NOT his workers. We bring people TO HIM. Don't you people see that I am a retarded?
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Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-11-2007, 03:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goats View Post
oh. I see 'Goats' is my new user name. I actually preffered my name left as 'Ghost' if you please?
Atleast this one isn't blasphemous.
And why do you want to name yourself after something that doesn't even exist? ..And is in direct contradiction of God's Word?
There is only one "ghost", and that is the HOLY Ghost, which is God.

Only God can bring the dead back for the dead go to Hell or Heaven.
They don't float around transparently in old castles, scaring people.
Such so-called ghosts, and the ones summoned by necromancers and mediums, are nothing but demons pretending to be dead people.


If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself: But if thou scornest, thou alone shalt bear it.
A foolish woman is clamorous: She is simple, and knoweth nothing.
Proverbs 9:12-13
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Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Goats is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Get your "Paris Hilton" pink accessory Bible! - 10-11-2007, 03:57 PM

To be honest, I don't give a rat's eye about what the meaning of a word that I want as a user name actually means. It's a word! NOT a statement.


God IS the Salvation. We are his messengers, NOT his workers. We bring people TO HIM. Don't you people see that I am a retarded?
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