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Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

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Old 03-02-2015, 07:18 AM
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Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Des will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Meet & Greet

As many of you know, I've been on the look-out for a new missus ever since the mishap with the old one. Well, my friends, I think I've finally found her.



This is Tina Mealea, a sweet, pure, all American girl from South Cambolina. We met through a Daughters of the Confederacy/Sons of Confederate Veterans mix party a few weeks ago, and have really hit it off.

I'm having catered barbecue, as well as prime rib for those of you on a diet. Festivities will begin at 7:00pm next Friday. Please stop by, grab a plate, and say hello to the young lady. Be mindful that she is a tad bashful about her South Cambolinian accent, so she may not say much. She might even just stand there with a blank, uncomprehending look in her face. That's just part of her charm.

God bless, and I hope to see you all there.

P.S. Door prizes will be handed out, in thick envelopes of course, to all voting members of the LBC Ethnic Purity Committee that comes through the door. Those unable to attend will receive their door prizes via certified mail the following Monday.
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Old 03-02-2015, 08:20 AM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

Brother Des, Please accept my apologies. I will be unable to attend as my mother in law has arranged a demonstration for me showing how to pick my dirty underpants off the floor and put them in the laundry basket. She is going to great lengths to do this, and I'm sure you'll understand that it's far more important then your tart.
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Old 03-02-2015, 02:41 PM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

Quote:
Originally Posted by Des View Post
As many of you know, I've been on the look-out for a new missus ever since the mishap with the old one. Well, my friends, I think I've finally found her.



This is Tina Mealea, a sweet, pure, all American girl from South Cambolina. We met through a Daughters of the Confederacy/Sons of Confederate Veterans mix party a few weeks ago, and have really hit it off.
She seems very nice, congratulations, Brother Des! That spray tan looks very good on her. However, a word of advice from one Christian lady to another (if you could be so kind to forward it to her): she really should stop dying her hair dark and com back to her natural blonde look. The dark hair makes her look a bit Oriental.

Quote:
I'm having catered barbecue, as well as prime rib for those of you on a diet. Festivities will begin at 7:00pm next Friday. Please stop by, grab a plate, and say hello to the young lady. Be mindful that she is a tad bashful about her South Cambolinian accent, so she may not say much. She might even just stand there with a blank, uncomprehending look in her face. That's just part of her charm.
I'm sure she'll make a fine True Christian™ wife!

Quote:
God bless, and I hope to see you all there.

P.S. Door prizes will be handed out, in thick envelopes of course, to all voting members of the LBC Ethnic Purity Committee that comes through the door. Those unable to attend will receive their door prizes via certified mail the following Monday.
I'll be there, Brother Des. I wouldn't miss the opportunity to meet this lovely young woman!
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Old 03-03-2015, 02:29 AM
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Originally Posted by Jim Farmer View Post
Brother Des, Please accept my apologies. I will be unable to attend as my mother in law has arranged a demonstration for me showing how to pick my dirty underpants off the floor and put them in the laundry basket. She is going to great lengths to do this, and I'm sure you'll understand that it's far more important then your tart.
I understand, Brother. We have to cater to our mother-in-laws, because we never know when those sweet jewels will be taken from us. Like when mine tripped on the Hot Wheels I had bought for her cats, (I'm never sure what cats play with. More of a dog man myself) fell down a flight of stairs, and landed on the rake and hoe collection I had bought for my daddy-in-law. A tragic and unforeseeable event that my Joo lawyer proved beyond a doubt that I was out of the state during.

I'll see that someone brings you a plate of ribs.
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Old 03-03-2015, 03:07 AM
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Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
However, a word of advice from one Christian lady to another (if you could be so kind to forward it to her): she really should stop dying her hair dark and com back to her natural blonde look. The dark hair makes her look a bit Oriental.
I took your advice, Sister. Me and my assistant, Mariko, started working on her this morning. That dye was really in there deep, let me tell you! But with enough peroxide and bleach, we managed after 6 hours and 12 rinses to restore her natural color. I even had a bottle of Clorox left over that we used to remove some of the spray-on tan.

You can tell from the happy look on her face how delighted she is with the results.
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Old 03-03-2015, 04:34 AM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

Quote:
Originally Posted by Des View Post
I took your advice, Sister. Me and my assistant, Mariko, started working on her this morning. That dye was really in there deep, let me tell you! But with enough peroxide and bleach, we managed after 6 hours and 12 rinses to restore her natural color. I even had a bottle of Clorox left over that we used to remove some of the spray-on tan.

You can tell from the happy look on her face how delighted she is with the results.
Make sure you check her weave for razor blades on your wedding night, Brother.
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Old 03-03-2015, 04:41 AM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

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Make sure you check her weave for razor blades on your wedding night, Brother.
I keep everything sharp locked out of reach ever since that klutzy, dearly departed missus of mine kept accidentally dropping blades and cutting grooves down her arms before she mistook the pills for breath mints.
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Old 03-03-2015, 06:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Des View Post
I took your advice, Sister. Me and my assistant, Mariko, started working on her this morning. That dye was really in there deep, let me tell you! But with enough peroxide and bleach, we managed after 6 hours and 12 rinses to restore her natural color. I even had a bottle of Clorox left over that we used to remove some of the spray-on tan.

You can tell from the happy look on her face how delighted she is with the results.
She needs more than that. She's ugly. She needs plastic surgery.
a) to get rid of those slopey eyes and give her proper eyelids
b) to give her nose a bridge and reduce the flaring nostrils
c) to get rid of those fat lips (unless of course you gave those to her recently)
d) to change the colour of her eyes
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Old 03-03-2015, 06:28 AM
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She needs more than that. She's ugly. She needs plastic surgery.
a) to get rid of those slopey eyes and give her proper eyelids
b) to give her nose a bridge and reduce the flaring nostrils
c) to get rid of those fat lips (unless of course you gave those to her recently)
d) to change the colour of her eyes
Well, it isn't like the poor thing will be seen out and about anyways. I had Brother Hammer over to the house many times, and he didn't even know I was married until I put the missus in the ground. Out of sight, out of mind, out of trouble. That's my motto.
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Old 03-03-2015, 06:39 AM
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Congratulations! I sent her a washing board and I sent you a handful of meat pies. I hope you enjoy them, and may you have a long and fruitful marriage!
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Old 03-03-2015, 06:57 AM
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Congratulations! I sent her a washing board and I sent you a handful of meat pies. I hope you enjoy them, and may you have a long and fruitful marriage!
Why mercy me, thank you so much, Sister. But don't go out of your way. Things aren't set in stone as of yet. There is another young lady I met at a gun show in Texas whose dad gave me her number when he found out that his grandpa and mine served in the same unit back in WWII. I’ve considered calling her, but with her being 21 and still not married, I’m worried there might be something wrong with her. I mean, does this look like a girl who would be single at that age to you?
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Old 03-04-2015, 06:48 AM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

What a lovely lady! However, one little thing concerns me; she does not look much of a lady in her attire. A true lady would never be in a military uniform like that, ladies belong in prints, lace, and satin (all of which a self-respecting man would never wear!)

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth
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Old 03-04-2015, 07:11 AM
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This one shows a lot more promise that the previous one. If it were an invitation to meet and greet this one, I would put her a long way in front of a 2 hour monologue from the mother-in-law about dirty underpants.
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Old 03-04-2015, 07:14 AM
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What a lovely lady! However, one little thing concerns me; she does not look much of a lady in her attire. A true lady would never be in a military uniform like that, ladies belong in prints, lace, and satin (all of which a self-respecting man would never wear!)

Yours in Christ,
Elizabeth
Oh, that was just dress-up day. Show up to certain revivals there in a nostalgic costume, and you get a free Smith & Wesson. These shindigs are very spiritual. You''ll often feel so moved that you'll swear you see cross on fire on a hilltop, a reminder of God's Burning Love for us all.
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Old 03-05-2015, 02:05 AM
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Oh, that was just dress-up day. Show up to certain revivals there in a nostalgic costume, and you get a free Smith & Wesson. These shindigs are very spiritual. You''ll often feel so moved that you'll swear you see cross on fire on a hilltop, a reminder of God's Burning Love for us all.
Silly me! Those events sound lovely, and I'm sure with all your wise judgment, you will pick a good woman. Please forgive me for my impolite comments that were out of line for a woman.

Meekly,
Elizabeth
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Old 03-05-2015, 02:36 AM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

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Originally Posted by Des View Post
Why mercy me, thank you so much, Sister. But don't go out of your way. Things aren't set in stone as of yet. There is another young lady I met at a gun show in Texas whose dad gave me her number when he found out that his grandpa and mine served in the same unit back in WWII. I’ve considered calling her, but with her being 21 and still not married, I’m worried there might be something wrong with her. I mean, does this look like a girl who would be single at that age to you?

Beware, Brother. The badges seem wrong. This could be a case of stolen valor.
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Old 03-14-2015, 02:12 AM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

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She's lovely, Brother Des! But I'm baffled as to why a beautiful, blonde-haired and blue-eyed woman would be unmarried. There must be a reason. Please keep us updated on how things go.
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Old 03-14-2015, 05:40 PM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

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Originally Posted by Des View Post
As many of you know, I've been on the look-out for a new missus ever since the mishap with the old one. Well, my friends, I think I've finally found her.



This is Tina Mealea, a sweet, pure, all American girl from South Cambolina. We met through a Daughters of the Confederacy/Sons of Confederate Veterans mix party a few weeks ago, and have really hit it off.

I'm having catered barbecue, as well as prime rib for those of you on a diet. Festivities will begin at 7:00pm next Friday. Please stop by, grab a plate, and say hello to the young lady. Be mindful that she is a tad bashful about her South Cambolinian accent, so she may not say much. She might even just stand there with a blank, uncomprehending look in her face. That's just part of her charm.

God bless, and I hope to see you all there.

P.S. Door prizes will be handed out, in thick envelopes of course, to all voting members of the LBC Ethnic Purity Committee that comes through the door. Those unable to attend will receive their door prizes via certified mail the following Monday.
Hello Des,

How did your party go? Did your mother approve?

But tell me. Does your lady friend have a sister? She looks kind of familiar...

Best regards,

Fred
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Old 03-14-2015, 10:54 PM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

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Hello Des,

How did your party go? Did your mother approve?

But tell me. Does your lady friend have a sister? She looks kind of familiar...

Best regards,

Fred
I think this one's done the rounds a few times. I've seen her at numerous "gentlemen's evenings" performing routines I would rather not detail on a family forum.
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Old 03-25-2015, 02:51 AM
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Default Re: Meet & Greet

Well, I think she's just lovely! Isn't playing dress-up fun? For instance, once I flew to Florida and pretended to be a French maid at Brother Zechariah's house. I was so realistic that his wife was ready to hire me on the spot. Imagine how she laughed and laughed when I revealed the joke. Of course, she asked me to leave shortly thereafter - no doubt so she and Zechariah could further share in the laughter.

In Him,
NRL
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