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Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

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  #1  
Old 05-06-2015, 03:52 PM
Titus Templeton's Avatar
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Default Is this a Christian Product?

I think it has its advantages. If u want to be sure to not touch stuff that is filthy...

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Old 05-06-2015, 08:33 PM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

I don't know Brother Templeton.....it kind of looks sinful to me. However, in the Creeser household, we've never used toilet paper.

Matthew 15:17-20

17 Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?

18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.

19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:

20 These are the things which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
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Old 05-06-2015, 09:17 PM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

We don't use paper products in the Etheldreda home. Instead we use reusable cloth for all our hygienic needs. As dedicated preppers (prepared for any and all emergencies, such as Obama invading states like Texas), we are equipped to handle living "off the grid," and refuse to be dependent upon Chinese slave labor (we prefer prison labor - keeping the profits at home).
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:11 AM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
we are equipped to handle living "off the grid," and refuse to be dependent upon Chinese slave labor (we prefer prison labor - keeping the profits at home).
Chinese slave labor is such a cruel practice, mainly because the Chinese are so small. It makes much more sense to use buck nigras since they were descended from Canaan.
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Old 05-07-2015, 12:58 AM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
(prepared for any and all emergencies, such as Obama invading states like Texas)

Yes, the truth has come to light. The schemes of the Yankees can not be long hid. Our governor here in Texas is on to these heathens and he has bid the Texas National Guard to look into these crimes and keep an eye on the Yankees. If they try any monkey business, they will get a taste of God's wrath and the wrath of the Texans thrown in for good measure. God is on our side.
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Old 05-07-2015, 01:10 AM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

I can't see why you'd want to use toilet paper on your back - "it's as easy to use as a shower brush".
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Old 05-07-2015, 02:45 AM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

I don't need such devilish devices. That's what my 14 year old Indonesian houseboy is for.
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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Old 05-07-2015, 06:17 AM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

I'm extremely suspicious of this device. Consider those mechanical "fingers" on the end and what use the homers would put it to in giving themselves anal pleasures. And Lord knows what perversions the lezbeans would come up with.

If we had a True Christian™ in the White House he would instruct the Consumer Product Safety Commission to pull the product from the market.
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Old 05-07-2015, 06:50 AM
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Jesus Re: Is this a Christian Product?

One of the most revolting signs of the End of Days is that the Biblical advice on restroom manners has been all but forgotten. I am certain that with a proper Biblical diet of clean meats the intestinal contents would be of a consistency that is just of the correct viscosity and firmness to pass the unfortunate but necessary anal canal without staining the surrounding skin at all. Thus, all use of paper or other appliances can be avoided.

In addition, the proper way of going to the restroom is to select a spot that is a proper distance from the house and dig a hole with a paddle, squat there (thus, your gluteal region is spread sufficiently wide to allow for the non-staining passage of the intestinal contents, again, making restroom paper unnecessary). The hole can them be covered until next time.

Deuteronomy 23:12-13:
Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad: And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:


This is what I do at home and I've taught this method also to my sons.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer
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Old 05-07-2015, 07:10 AM
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Default Re: Is this a Christian Product?

Seems un-necessary, but I do want the suction cup handle that is advertised at the end of the video. If anyone gets one of them and doesn't need it, please send me a P.M.
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