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Default Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - 09-24-2016, 02:42 AM

After seeing that atheist football coaches would not put Godly Tim Tebow into a game for five years, he has moved on to baseball. I'm sure he asked Jesus if that was OK.

But, not to worry. A new Jesus-worshipping quarterback has won two games for the Philadelphia Eagles and we at Landover Baptist could not be happier. His name is Carson Wentz. He kills geese on his time off and professes his faith at every opportunity.

He wears a Jesus tattoo I will try to locate soon. For now, let me introduce our new praying friend:

Carson Wentz is an NFL quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. He was a superstar quarterback at North Dakota State University. He led his team to 5 consecutive National Championships. This is an FCS record for the most National Championships won in a row. He was selected as the second overall pick in the 2016 NFL draft. He was picked up by the Philadelphia Eagles and has started and won his first two games.




Carson Wentz Religion

Carson is Christian and is very religious. He is often tweeting things like, “God is great”, and says his faith is where he gains strength for football. If he wasn’t playing football he would be working at a ministry and spreading the word of God.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - 09-24-2016, 01:03 PM

Dear Mayor Hold;


I admit that I was a little disappointed by the content of your post. Based on the thread title, I thought that Jesus Himself was taking over Tim Tebow's spot on his football team. That probably was silly as I cannot imagine Jesus playing football in any other state save for Texas, where I understand that the sport is regarded as a religion.


Mr. Brother Tebow was probably wise to leave the sport given that he was asked to play for New York, which is an atheist hellhole clothed in skyscraper finery, and then was slated to play for the city of Philadelphia, which is a hotbed of Quaker treachery.


Satisfiedly Yours,


Handmaiden


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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - 09-24-2016, 04:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
Dear Mayor Hold;
I admit that I was a little disappointed by the content of your post. Based on the thread title, I thought that Jesus Himself was taking over Tim Tebow's spot on his football team. That probably was silly as I cannot imagine Jesus playing football in any other state save for Texas, where I understand that the sport is regarded as a religion.
Mr. Brother Tebow was probably wise to leave the sport given that he was asked to play for New York, which is an atheist hellhole clothed in skyscraper finery, and then was slated to play for the city of Philadelphia, which is a hotbed of Quaker treachery.
Thank you for those thoughts, Sister Handmaiden.

Personally, I was always a little disappointed in Tim Tebow because he slighted Landover Baptist in favor of Pat Robertson. I'm hoping we reach Carson Wentz before the other big moneyed evangelists haul him off for their own purposes. Carson is from a city just up the road from Freehold, Bismarck, ND, and I'm hoping to snag him for a little meet and greet at Landover Baptist Church when he travels back there.

I want him to know there is an opportunity here in Freehold to serve Jesus by raising money for LBC.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - 09-24-2016, 04:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
Thank you for those thoughts, Sister Handmaiden.

Personally, I was always a little disappointed in Tim Tebow because he slighted Landover Baptist in favor of Pat Robertson. I'm hoping we reach Carson Wentz before the other big moneyed evangelists haul him off for their own purposes. Carson is from a city just up the road from Freehold, Bismarck, ND, and I'm hoping to snag him for a little meet and greet at Landover Baptist Church when he travels back there.

I want him to know there is an opportunity here in Freehold to serve Jesus by raising money for LBC.
That would be a blessing, of course. But it would be fun to see Jesus playing football. Would He smash into people, or just sort of sweep them away with a wave of His hand?


Daydreamily Yours,


Handmaiden


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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 12:16 AM

Today, Carson Wentz, prayed during the morning and thumped the Pittsburg Steelers in the afternoon. Jesus knew what he was doing when he sent Tim Tebow off to play baseball:

http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/...-Steelers.html


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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 03:32 AM

THEY PLAYED THE GAME ON SATURDAY
IN THE DEVIL'S OWN BACKYARD
WITH JESUS PLAYING QUARTERBACK AND
MOSES PLAYING GUARD
THE ANGELS IN THE GRANDSTAND
GAVE OUT A MIGHTY YELL
WHEN JESUS SCORED A TOUCHDOWN
AGAINST THE BOYS FROM HELL.

REFRAIN:
ROCK 'EM, SOCK 'EM, JESUS BLOCK 'EM.
GO, CHRIST, GO.
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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 03:37 AM

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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 04:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold View Post
After seeing that atheist football coaches would not put Godly Tim Tebow into a game for five years, he has moved on to baseball. I'm sure he asked Jesus if that was OK.
I think Tim's faith was weak. Russel Wilson seems to love Jesus much more.


Quote:
"The play happens, and they pick the ball off. And I take three steps," Wilson said (via NESN.com). "And on the third step God says to me, 'I'm using you ... I want to see how you respond. But most importantly, I want them to see how you respond.'"

I only wish Brother Tebow was as outspoken in God's involvement in sporting events. He loves those that love Him, the most, and awards them in turn that will praise Him, for every single play of any game. God helps those that trust athletics in Him!


In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 04:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
I think Tim's faith was weak. Russel Wilson seems to love Jesus much more.





I only wish Brother Tebow was as outspoken in God's involvement in sporting events. He loves those that love Him, the most, and awards them in turn that will praise Him, for every single play of any game. God helps those that trust athletics in Him!


In Christ

Brother Porter,


I just had a wonderful idea! What if you worked with Mr. Tebow just as you do with the homo gay community? I can't help but think your touch could bring Mr. Tebow in tune with his destiny as a Christian. Do you enjoy working with jocks?


BrotherLarry


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Jesus' eternal love Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 03:06 PM

Oh swoooon! If I weren't engaged to the GODLY Pastor Zeke I would marry Brother Tebow.

Bless this brother Wentz. He looks like a fine young man. I'm just not sure how anyone from Philly can be that GODLY?




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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 03:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
Oh swoooon! If I weren't engaged to the GODLY Pastor Zeke I would marry Brother Tebow.

He is pretty, isn't he?


Admiringly Yours,


Handmaiden


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Default Re: Jesus Replaces Tim Tebow - Yesterday, 05:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by handmaiden View Post
He is pretty, isn't he?
Admiringly Yours,
Handmaiden
The handsome and Christian Carson Wentz moving from white North Dakota to decadent Philadelphia has been a worry. Philadelphia has been home to countless harlots over its history.

When Founding Father, Ben Franklin, lived there he was known to have had several affairs though he was married. Sin has always found a home in Philadelphia.

The solution so far for Mr. Wentz is for him to live there with his hunting dog. He has a girl friend back in North Dakota but her parents and his have forbad them living together until they are married. There is talk that will be this summer.

Until then, we need to pray the harlots of Philadelphia do not find poor Mr. Wentz lead him into sin. I'm sure Jesus would appreciate our help.


Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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