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Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 293
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: My parents basement
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I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 12:15 AM
Today was a great day. I went down to Dover, which has a alot of spanish people living there, and I went into one of the chuchs there and found Him. He was just sitting there listen to the preacher.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,555
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 01:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar_seed
Today was a great day. I went down to Dover, which has a alot of spanish people living there, and I went into one of the chuchs there and found Him. He was just sitting there listen to the preacher.
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So you, Jedi Master and Omerta have a bet going on who is the bigger damn fool?
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 293
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: My parents basement
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 05:05 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
So you, Jedi Master and Omerta have a bet going on who is the bigger damn fool?
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He was real nice. Not only does He save people; He mows white people's lawn! How cool!
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 05:14 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lunar_seed
Today was a great day. I went down to Dover, which has a alot of spanish people living there, and I went into one of the chuchs there and found Him. He was just sitting there listen to the preacher.
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The only Dover where you can find Jesus is LAN DOVER, and Jesus isn't Spanish or a Messcan. He is as white a God's beard! Now become invisible, Tinkerbelle, before I feed you to the croc.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 293
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: My parents basement
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 05:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
The only Dover where you can find Jesus is LAN DOVER, and Jesus isn't Spanish or a Messcan. He is as white a God's beard! Now become invisible, Tinkerbelle, before I feed you to the croc.
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That's not nice, Peter Pan!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 06:55 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
The only Dover where you can find Jesus is LAN DOVER, and Jesus isn't Spanish or a Messcan. He is as white a God's beard! Now become invisible, Tinkerbelle, before I feed you to the croc.
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... and he can start by changing that fairy avatar to something more ... more ... hmmm ...
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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True Christian™
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Posts: 9,361
Join Date: Jan 2007
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 10:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spilled_seed
That's not nice, Peter Pan!
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Like most people that play with themselves, you are the only one that thinks their own one liners are clever.
Let me give you a piece of friendly advice Spilled_Seed. You may see many titles here on the Holy Landover boards, from Pastor, Senior Pastor, Moderator, Super Moderator; none of this should concern you other than to heed their warnings and make some attempt to turn you life around to Jesus.
Pastor Al E Pistle is a very special Pastor in the Landover Baptist hierarchy. He is the only one that holds the Holy Gong. Believe me, you do not want to experience the power of the Holy Gong. While you should show respect for all True Christians™ on this board, you are to show the utmost respect and deference to Pastor Pistle.
I believe some humble apology is due from you.
Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-28-2007, 10:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by minister noddy
... and he can start by changing that fairy avatar to something more ... more ... hmmm ...
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If you mean something more queer, I'm not sure that it's physically possible.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-29-2007, 01:25 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
If you mean something more queer, I'm not sure that it's physically possible.
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Ooooooh nooooooo!
Since yesterday someone has changed his avatar from that hideous fairy one to a naked homer with its head up its backside
Now I'm not sure if that's physically possible, Brother T
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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International JOO and fellow-travelling Communiss.
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 831
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Dis.
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-29-2007, 06:04 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by minister noddy
Ooooooh nooooooo!
Since yesterday someone has changed his avatar from that hideous fairy one to a naked homer with its head up its backside
Now I'm not sure if that's physically possible, Brother T
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It's shopped.
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HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
Forum Member
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Posts: 5,110
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Red Peking
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-29-2007, 06:33 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
The only Dover where you can find Jesus is LAN DOVER, and Jesus isn't Spanish or a Messcan. He is as white a God's beard! Now become invisible, Tinkerbelle, before I feed you to the croc.
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Pastor Al, that's cruelty to animals! You can't go around poisoning crocodiles!
Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-30-2007, 12:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joo
It's shopped.
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Well, I suspected it had to be, Joo, since no normal human body could be that ... um ... limber
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-30-2007, 03:19 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by minister noddy
Well, I suspected it had to be, Joo, since no normal human body could be that ... um ... limber
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This jooboy is a champion at pointing out the obvious. He tells everyone what they already know, but he can't see the hooked nose on his own face.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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International JOO and fellow-travelling Communiss.
Landover Habilitation and Therapy Unit (For those unfit to mix with the normal public)
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Posts: 831
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Dis.
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Re: I found Jesus. -
07-30-2007, 03:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
This jooboy is a champion at pointing out the obvious. He tells everyone what they already know, but he can't see the hooked nose on his own face.
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Actually if I close one eye, I can see the side of my nose on the side with the open eye.
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