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THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

 
 
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Default The Perfect Gift 4 Mom! only $19.95 - 12-01-2006, 04:26 AM

We just got a large shipment of Perfect Rods and they're only $19.95 plus shipping and handling (Iowa residents must pay 7.4% sales tax). I'd suggest you buy one for each room of the house and if you act quickly, we can get them to your doorstep just in time for when the kids come home for Christmas break!

The ideal Biblical way to help your children behave and grow up to be good Christians.
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Default Re: The Perfect Gift 4 Mom! only $19.95 - 12-01-2006, 09:32 AM

The british do this the best, for some strange reason.



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5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: The Perfect Gift 4 Mom! only $19.95 - 12-01-2006, 09:41 AM

You people live in the dark ages. If you want a good cane, buy a fishing pole on sale and take off the metal like guides.....or not.

I prefer a nice taser for recalcitrant children. I keep some half-voltage batteries around so the kids get only 25Kv instead of the 50 the house staff gets.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: The Perfect Gift 4 Mom! only $19.95 - 12-01-2006, 01:03 PM

I believe in old-fashioned hard work. I like a man who earns his place in this world by the sweat of his brow. And the same should go for how he beats his children. Therefore, I offer the following gift ideas for Dads.

I really like this model for its heft, versatility and ability to leave tread marks that show where a man has been. I'd like to see someone come out with a design that left a short scripture on the area effected. Praise Jesus and Merry Birthday!


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
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Long service medal, 1st class One Year/1000 posts True Christian™ Saved 5 Years True Christian Lady Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls Ribfest '03 Best stoning bucket Protected by JESUS Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Mama Grizzly Persecuted

 
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Glendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: The Perfect Gift 4 Mom! only $19.95 - 12-01-2006, 01:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I believe in old-fashioned hard work. I like a man who earns his place in this world by the sweat of his brow. And the same should go for how he beats his children. Therefore, I offer the following gift ideas for Dads.

I really like this model for its heft, versatility and ability to leave tread marks that show where a man has been. I'd like to see someone come out with a design that left a short scripture on the area effected. Praise Jesus and Merry Birthday!
If Skeeter were any younger, I'd get one of thes for Elmer . . . but these days, I'm the only one around to use one on . . . Ouch!


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
 

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