The
Bible tells us that
clothes can be
clean or unclean. This mostly depends on the
person wearing the clothes (Leviticus 13:46-48), of preserving the purity and unity of the chosen material (Deuteronomy 22:11), the
God-Given gender of the person (Deuteronomy 22:5), and conforming to established
Rules of Humility and Reverence for
Jesus (Zephaniah 1:8)! That said, we have paid
much too little attention to our
women doing the needlework, the knitting, the crochet. This is
not to say that I would be
denying you, our Ladies, the
simple pleasures of the less intelligent female minds of hooking the yarn and pulling it through the
tight holes of the warp and the woof. It has been and it still
is a very good way to keep you busy, and to avoid your delicate hands from being too
idle, which could lead to unnatural thoughts and the touching of your
unmentionable anatomical parts with the
same fingers that feed your
husbands and sons with steaks, roasts, and mac'n'cheese concoctions.
That is all
good and Godly, but it has come to my attention that a British (what else?) company called
Jester (
Jesus caused their bankruptcy in the 1990's but their products are still around) has been distributing
unclean materials for your knitting. The uncleanliness of a cloth is principally caused by
plagues, such as
leprosy.
Leviticus 13:52
He shall therefore burn that garment, whether warp or woof, in woollen or in linen, or any thing of skin, wherein the plague is: for it is a fretting leprosy; it shall be burnt in the fire.
Now,
what is the
leprosy of To-Day? It is obviously the plague of
homosexuality, the ogre that lurks in the
dark crevasses of male rectal anatomy, ready to jump and overwhelm our Brethren at a moments notice. Even the tiniest grain of this plague may shift the pivot to disaster,
analism, and
utter destruction.
1 Corinthians 6:9
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,
Not only are these women
intentionally turning their husbands into
flaming sodomites, they are also robbing
Jesus of the
one thing that He gave us after
killing of hundreds of millions in the
Flood (Genesis 7:23) as a promise of
His continued Goodwill towards Mankind!
Genesis 9:13
I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth.
This
yarn has robbed the Covenant, the token, the Great Promise by
God. All women who use these yarns are thieves,
robbers. What will happen to them?
1 Corinthians 6:10
Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
Women!
Any clothing produced by Jester Wools in
unclean! It contains the
gay contagion and might cause AIDS. Extreme praying would obviously be helpful and cure the inevitable AIDS plague (James 5:14), but it would
distract our Pastors from the more pressing duties of soul-saving (Matthew 24:14).
Go through your husbands' and sons' wardrobes To-Day and remove all contaminated clothing. Stop making Sweet Jesus the Court-Jester, the Fool!
Yours in Christ,
Elmer