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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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SecondClown SecondClown is offline
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Jesus Hello - 04-26-2017, 06:24 PM

Greetings
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Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Default Re: Hello - 04-26-2017, 06:29 PM

Hello dear. Did your care taker step out for the moment and leave the computer on for you? How sweet of you to say hi!

HI!



Now be a dear and tell us what church you go to and what's your favorite story about !


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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SecondClown SecondClown is offline
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Default Re: Hello - 04-26-2017, 06:39 PM

Saint Basil's, its very close to home. I like when Jesus calms the storm, its very heroic. Isn't it Mark 4:35-40?
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Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello - 04-26-2017, 06:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SecondCumming View Post
Saint Basil's, its very close to home. I like when Jesus calms the storm, its very heroic. Isn't it Mark 4:35-40?
St. Basil? Oh dear, that sounds like a branch of the papist corporation. You should know that Jesus does not tolerate the Catholics, as they are not Christian. Pastor Zeke has a fine sermon on this you can read HERE. I'm sure your joining our dear and humble church isn't a coincidence. I think your soul is reaching out for Salvation. Wouldn't you like to be assured of Salvation after you die, knowing you won't end up in an eternal cesspool of pain and suffering for having believed the wrong thing, and not believing the right thing (John 3:18)?


Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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SecondClown SecondClown is offline
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Smile Re: Hello - 04-26-2017, 06:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
St. Basil? Oh dear, that sounds like a branch of the papist corporation. You should know that Jesus does not tolerate the Catholics, as they are not Christian. Pastor Zeke has a fine sermon on this you can read HERE. I'm sure your joining our dear and humble church isn't a coincidence. I think your soul is reaching out for Salvation. Wouldn't you like to be assured of Salvation after you die, knowing you won't end up in an eternal cesspool of pain and suffering for having believed the wrong thing, and not believing the right thing (John 3:18)?
Oh Thank you for showing me the light. this is very helpful!
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Naomi Ruth Lamb Naomi Ruth Lamb is offline
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Pumpkin pie Re: Hello - 04-26-2017, 07:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SecondCumming View Post
Oh Thank you for showing me the light. this is very helpful!

As if the story of Salvation® hasn't been around and ready for you to find for over 2000 years, how wonderful that one note from a stranger can "show you the light."


And you need to stop mocking the soon return of our Savior, gentle visitor. His lightning swift sword will knock the crap out of you. We are stalwart defenders of the faith here, and not terribly tolerant of blatant balderdash. Your maniacal moniker sits scornfully in the patient person's pew. I would recommend a visit to your knees in repentance.


God's favorite lily in the bouquet,
NRL


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