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  • Re: Manly Jokes

    One night, two Eskimos are sitting in a bar in northern Alaska, when they are accosted by a young man from the Mainland. The fellow has obviously been drinking. He slurs, "Hey, ya know, I've always admired you Eskimos. I REEAAALLLY like Eskimos. I've ALWAYS WANTED to be an Eskimo. Tell me how ta BE an Eskimo, huh?"

    The Eskimos wink at each other. One tells the guy, "Okay, to become an Eskimo, there are only three things that you have to do. First, you've got to drink a whole bottle of Yukon Jack at once, then you've got to kill a polar bear with your bare hands, and, finally, you have to make love to an Eskimo woman."

    The guy takes this in. He ticks off three fingers to himself. Then he heads over to the bar, and orders a bottle of Yukon Jack. Already drunk, he drinks the whole thing down. This has a bad effect on his balance. The fellow staggers out of the bar, muttering something like "Polar bear, Polar bear..."

    Several hours pass.

    Finally, the door to the bar opens, and the drunk is back. He looks a fright. His parka is ripped, one of his arms is dangling at a crazy angle, and he's got blood all over his face. He staggers over to the Eskimos, and says, "ALL right. I've got the Yukon Jack. I've got the polar bear. Now WHERE'S THIS ESKIMO BITCH I'VE GOTTA KILL?"

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    • Re: Manly Jokes

      What do you say to a Chinese knight?

      "There's a chink in your armour".

      Comment


      • Re: Manly Jokes

        Mr. Etheldreda told the boys this joke:

        What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

        Nothing you haven't told her twice already.


        Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

        Comment


        • Re: Manly Jokes

          Here is one my daddy used to tell before secular law gave him the needle.
          Whats's the best thing about women
          (.....followed by absolute silence)
          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
          Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
          Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
          Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
          Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
          Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

          Comment


          • Re: Manly Jokes

            Have you heard the joke about the baby with AIDS?

            It never gets old.



            Who Will Jesus Damn?

            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

            Comment


            • Re: Manly Jokes

              There was a family somewhere in Africa. One day they found a magic river, those who swims across the river becomes White.

              First the father swims across the river, and he becomes White. Then the mother swims across the river, and she becomes White. Then the child tries to swim across the river, but he gets eaten by the crocodiles.

              The mother starts crying for her dead son, but the father calms her down by saying: "come on, it was just a damned nigra"

              Comment


              • Re: Manly Jokes

                Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?

                A: Dress her like an altar boy.
                2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                Comment


                • Re: Manly Jokes

                  What's the diffrence between between a gingers cooter and a baseball?

                  If you try really really really hard, you can eat a baseball.
                  The Lord is my shepherd.

                  Comment


                  • Re: Manly Jokes

                    Why do the Scottish wear kilts?



                    Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.



                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment


                    • Re: Manly Jokes

                      Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                      Why do the Scottish wear kilts?



                      Because a sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.



                      PROOF: Atheists are too stupid to understand the Bible!

                      Proverbs 13:24(KJV): "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes."

                      Galatians 4:16 Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

                      Comment


                      • Re: Manly Jokes

                        Q: How do you fit four gay guys on a bar stool?

                        A: Turn it over.
                        2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                        Comment


                        • Re: Manly Jokes

                          Pastor Pistle told me this one earlier today. I think it's a true story.



                          This morning, I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home, I stopped at the gas station, and this drop-dead-gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.

                          She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, “I believe in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?”

                          I thought it over for a few seconds and responded, “Well, just what kind of ammo have you got to trade?”
                          Who Will Jesus Damn?

                          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                          Comment


                          • Re: Manly Jokes

                            Originally posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
                            Mr. Etheldreda told the boys this joke:

                            What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

                            Nothing you haven't told her twice already.


                            That is a wonderful and true joke.

                            Comment


                            • Re: Manly Jokes

                              Originally posted by KitchenWench View Post
                              That is a wonderful and true joke.
                              Indeed. Sister Etheldreda gets off a funny one here and there. A rare capability for most brooding and dour womenfolk.

                              Say, why not introduce yourself here? Tell us what church you attend, your most precious KJV1611 Holy Scripture and all about your personal relationship with Jesus!

                              In Christ
                              Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

                              sigpic

                              Comment


                              • Re: Manly Jokes

                                Q: What is the difference between a faggot and a refrigerator?

                                A: You'll have to search google for the answer, I haven't the heart to tell you

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