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Default I Need a Man to Play Jamaican Trombone - 03-03-2011, 07:48 PM

As you know, I'm a big music fan, and when I go on my annual trips to Asia to inspect my factories, I like to bring a live band. Unfortunately, my favorite trombonist Don Drummond recently passed away.



Let me tell you, NO ONE could produce as much pleasure as Mr. Drummond when he put his lips on my instrument and blew. The sweet, sweet Jamaican trombone can produce waves of ecstacy, let me tell you.

Here is what they wrote about him in the Jamaican press:

Quote:
Arguably the best trombone player Jamaican ever produced DON "D" was what most people called him. Some of them didn't know his name. Others never saw him in person or seen him perform, but most people who were connected to any kind of music in Jamaica during the fifties and sixties would probably know about the best Trombone player of that era. There were not very many Trombone players during that period. Of course there men like Carl Masters, Von Muller (Mullo) and a few more that were there before Don came along, but none of them lit up the spotlight like he did. This man has been heard by a number of foreigners who gave laurels for his brand of music. He was undoubtedly the best at the short time he spent with us.
RIP, Mr. Drummond. You will be missed.

Nevertheless, the passing of Mr. Drummond requires that I hire someone to take his place. So if you know of anyone who plays the Jamaican Trombone, please let me know. I'm thinking of placing an ad on Craigslist, but if you know someone out there, that would be helpful. I prefer to be discreet.

I will supply the instrument, all he has to do is put his lips together and blow. Unfortunately, since the climate in the southeast Asian jungle can be very humid, sometimes it might be necessary to play the rusty trombone. My friend Don sometimes recoiled in horror when I demanded he play the rusty trombone-- which didn't go over very well sometimes, because I believe that enthusiasm matters.

Also, if possible, I would prefer that the trombonist is also a conservative Republican, preferably a teabagger. We will be traveling quite a bit in the US, and I'd prefer not to end up arguing with the musicians. If we see any teabagging demonstrations, I'd like to be able to jump right in and participate. Last year when I was making a speech at a convention in Cleveland, I brought my band on a boat outing into Lake Erie, and it was wonderful. There is nothing like teabagging all day, and then getting some Jamaican trombone while sitting on a Cleveland steamer.

If you know of anyone who would be interested, please give me their number one of these nights after Bible study.

Thanks,

Monty

P.S. We will be flying instead of taking the boat to Asia this year, so we won't meet up with an angry pirate again.
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Default Re: I Need a Man to Play Jamaican Trombone - 03-03-2011, 11:55 PM

I used to be able to play the trombone quite elegantly in my younger years, if I may say so myself.

Older men from all around town would make private requests that I play for them, and it was always a joy to blow into it for them.

Maybe I could consider taking it up again, all though I'm not sure I'd be able to handle a JAMAICAN trombone, it seems to be much more mighty.
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Default Re: I Need a Man to Play Jamaican Trombone - 03-04-2011, 12:10 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Halleluyah Rob View Post
I used to be able to play the trombone quite elegantly in my younger years, if I may say so myself.

Older men from all around town would make private requests that I play for them, and it was always a joy to blow into it for them.

Maybe I could consider taking it up again, all though I'm not sure I'd be able to handle a JAMAICAN trombone, it seems to be much more mighty.
Oh nonsense, a Jamaican trombone maybe a face full but if you have good ambeture you can easily squeeze off a few notes, no problem. It's a fine style of play, even if society has rather narrow mindfully dismissed the Jamaican Trombone as backdoor action at the clubs.



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Default Re: I Need a Man to Play Jamaican Trombone - 03-04-2011, 12:16 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Oh nonsense, a Jamaican trombone maybe a face full but if you have good ambeture you can easily squeeze off a few notes, no problem. It's a fine style of play, even if society has rather narrow mindfully dismissed the Jamaican Trombone as backdoor action at the clubs.
Well I have always been complimented for my firm plump lips and exceptionally strong grasp.. Thank you for the reassurance brother!
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Default Re: I Need a Man to Play Jamaican Trombone - 03-04-2011, 08:49 PM

Brother Worthington, I don't know if you would consider it, but I do happen to know of two brothers who would be delighted to handle your hornish needs. They are of French-Spanish descent and both will work and work until beaded with sweat. The only catch is that they come as a pair.

If I remember correctly, one's name is "Lucky" Pierre Sanchez. The other Sanchez brother goes by the nickname "Dirty"... Although it may have changed to "Filthy" after last years botulism outbreak. You might want to handle that one with gloves!

I don't know what I'll do without them, though. My front bushes have never looked so trimmed, especially down by the peach tree and grapes.

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