[Des]

My second oldest, Stonewall, has taken it upon himself to keep a sharp eye on homersex activity. In addition to logging dozens of hours a week at the console of my budding surveillance drone business, he and his young chums have taken the initiative to infiltrate gay bars and bathhouses, covertly planting surveillance cameras in each place they enter. He keeps incriminating video clips and photographs of these degenerates for when America comes to her senses and rounds these vermin up.

Considering the Asian population being 60% of the world, I concern myself with carefully monitoring their perversions, and admit to being somewhat lacking in my knowledge of the gay deathstyle. One can after all focus on only so much. I do peek in on the boy every now and then, though, which is how I uncovered a fiendish homer plot.

Stonewall and his buddies were chatting yesterday as I was passing by, and I overheard a bit of their conversation. ATM's and rim jobs were the topic of the moment, with Stonewall seeming to be highly interested in both. There was much talk about 'going' ATM and 'getting' rim jobs amongst the boys. I waited until his friends had left for the evening, then asked him about these things over dinner. He seemed quite embarrassed, but I reminded him that God was forced to watch these despicable acts perpetrated by the homers all the time. Finally he mumbled that the gays were using ATM machines and auto shops to spread the Aids among the population.

Here is how he explained it to me. A homer approaches an ATM machine and fondles it with feces smeared fingers. Then an unsuspecting person comes along to make a withdrawal, touches the machine, and is infected with the Aids demon.

Homertouched Aids Transmission Machine, or ATM

In some cases, the homers actually have sex with the machines to more assuredly infest it with the Aids.

Homer Sodomizing ATM

Homer Gang-Rape Crew 'Pulling a Train' on ATM

The heinous homer plot is to infect all of America before the 2016 elections, thus ensuring a Demonicrat assuming the Presidential seat!

But things are even worse. The homers know that wise men do not use banks. Because of this, they have infiltrated a field of work normally reserved for real men; auto mechanics.

An offshoot of the Chemtrail Conspiracy, homers are infusing automobile tires with the Aids through a process known to them as 'Rim Jobs'. As the tire heats up from friction, the Aids is spread through the air where others breath it.

Homer 'Probing' a Tire

Homer S&M Bondage Tire Sex. The Aids Infusing Device in Left Hand

We cannot be too careful. ATM's must be banned nation wide, and money must be diverted from Obama(doesn't)care to investigating the effectiveness of Airborne Aids. Until then, we should advise all non-True Christians™ who use banks to withdraw their money immediately (from a living teller who can provide a certificate of heterosexuality) and stick to cash-only transactions, and wear gas masks or (preferably)biohazard suits when near roads or other areas where the Aids fumes might reach. For goodness sake, tell them to avoid NASCAR at all costs!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Originally Posted by Des

Homer Gang-Rape Crew 'Pulling a Train' on ATM

So telling how the liberals wait in line to practice their perversions. I am so grateful the LORD has guided us to create and utilize Biblecoins. Mr. Etheldreda uses this currency exclusively. As this has become my own personal allowance, I can assure you my frivolous spending has come to a complete halt.

[alooneymormon]

Avoid NASCAR?!?! Isn't that a godly sport?

[Jim Farmer]

Originally Posted by alooneymormon

Avoid NASCAR?!?! Isn't that a godly sport?

That's what I would have thought. But the gaysexurals are determined to infiltrate all manners of Godly things - marriage, parenting, water sports, soccer, and now NASCAR with their rim jobs. Don't fear, we will win NASCAR back - it may even take the rapture to do so, but we will. And of course, there will always be NASCAR when we get to Heaven. In the interim, however, Brother Des's advice to avoid it at all costs, is the correct advice, unless you wish to be infected by rectal demons and end up in Satan's eternal flames.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Jim Farmer

That's what I would have thought. But the gaysexurals are determined to infiltrate all manners of Godly things - marriage, parenting, water sports, soccer, and now NASCAR with their rim jobs. Don't fear, we will win NASCAR back - it may even take the rapture to do so, but we will. And of course, there will always be NASCAR when we get to Heaven. In the interim, however, Brother Des's advice to avoid it at all costs, is the correct advice, unless you wish to be infected by rectal demons and end up in Satan's eternal flames.

Amen to that. There are plenty of NASCAR drivers who are homers.