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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Default Love is fleeting; Herpes is forever. - 09-18-2006, 08:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hitoshi View Post
I have friend who is need help so I am ask for him. my friend is Japanese student in America here and he has get venerial disease (is herpe) from American college girl. if he give money for church is possible jesus make herpe go away? he very desperate and is want try anything. Serious this is for friend so no joke okay.

ps - this NEVER happen in Japan. Japanese woman keep herself clean.
>>Japanese woman keep herself clean.<< Cobblers, old chum, cobblers. Not all of them do.

And in answer to your question, NO. Jesus will not make Herpes go away. There is no known cure for the Herpes virus and little chance that one will be found in the near future (it's not important enough to worry about). You will amost certainly have to live with an itchy dick for the rest of your life. This is the price you pay for sticking it in places that you don't know much about.

And despite all the crap that's been written and said, herpes is no more than a minor nuisance -- on a par with the common cold. It is only infectious when active, and that is no more than once every several months and not even that often in most people. Just about everyone has the virus -- it's almost identical to the "cold sore" thing that most of us get on our lips when kids. On the dick it is more of a nuisance than on the mouth, true, but it is still no big deal.

Stop being a girl. Stop this mewling and self-pitying nonsense. When you get AIDs, then you have something to worry about. Herpes is no big deal. We don't want to know about it.
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Default 09-18-2006, 09:06 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Simple. Very simple. Get 'your friend' to a vet to get neutered ASAP. There, problem solved.
No, Rachael, that wouldn't solve the problem at all. I hope that I am not detecting a little sexism and wishful thinking in your reply here. A vet neutering him will not solve the problem of his itchy dick, and will not, since he is past puberty, turn him into a eunuch either. If you somehow imagine that a vet neuters animals by doing a Lorena Bobbit on them, you are quite wrong. That would make them more dangerous and hard to control. No, neutering means going for the source of semen and testosterone in a male. The main bit is left intact.
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Default 09-18-2006, 09:11 AM

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Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Simple. Very simple. Get 'your friend' to a vet to get neutered ASAP. There, problem solved.
Dear Mrs van Heineken. Hibachi's problem is that he is a jappo and doesn't understand that all disease is a curse from GOD. Instead, he attempts to blame innocent young American milkmaids. If someone told the ornamental people that they could prevent herpes of the mouth if they stopped licking the slime from BUFO toads, all would be well. But you know how they stick to these crazy 'cures''.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Angry 09-18-2006, 09:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Hairy HerpesOnToast View Post
herpes is no more than a minor nuisance -- on a par with the common cold.
ah-choo! man this a disgustin thread, an i rebukes Mr.Hitachi for startin it! we not needs to reads about your freind's stinky ole choo-choo, an if he were a tom-kitty i would put him in a sacks an take him to the rivers an baptize him over an over an over agains until lord Jesus call him home to glorys!
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Default 09-18-2006, 09:44 AM

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Originally Posted by Hairy Homer View Post
No, Rachael, that wouldn't solve the problem at all. I hope that I am not detecting a little sexism and wishful thinking in your reply here. A vet neutering him will not solve the problem of his itchy dick, and will not, since he is past puberty, turn him into a eunuch either. If you somehow imagine that a vet neuters animals by doing a Lorena Bobbit on them, you are quite wrong. That would make them more dangerous and hard to control. No, neutering means going for the source of semen and testosterone in a male. The main bit is left intact.
I know.
But 'neutering' sounds better that 'performing a BaB'.

Quote:
But you know how they stick to these crazy 'cures''.
Just like one of the cures you were telling me about for migraine headaches? And the juice one, Pastor?



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 10:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
I know.
But 'neutering' sounds better that 'performing a BaB'.


Just like one of the cures you were telling me about for migraine headaches? And the juice one, Pastor?
It does sound more scientific. Still, performing a BaB would be an overly drastic solution to a minor problem and one that no man in Hitasaki's position would contemplate. Your little joke -- and I am sure you must be jesting -- is an unkind one. I would go so far as to say that the suggestion he should get his dick lopped off to cure him of herpes is a facile and catty suggestion. You know very well that that would create a much worse itch than the one that it got rid of. And the virus would still be there anyway and the sore eventually just pop up somewhere else.
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Default 09-18-2006, 10:23 AM

And the surgeon would have to use tweezers and a magnifying glass. Maybe he should just tie a hair around it and let it fall off like a skin tag.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default 09-18-2006, 10:23 AM

Catty? Oh no, Hairy, I assure you I wasn't being unkind or cruel. I understand that herpes is a lifelong condition. Therefore the only way to be rid of the condition is to remove the offending appendage.
I was only being realistic.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 10:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Catty? Oh no, Hairy, I assure you I wasn't being unkind or cruel. I understand that herpes is a lifelong condition. Therefore the only way to be rid of the condition is to remove the offending appendage.
I was only being realistic.
Very well, if you ever get facial herpes, we will be happy to help out by removing your head.

You are starting to sound like these Christians -- if thine eye offend you, or whatever...
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Default 09-18-2006, 10:32 AM

Quote:
You are starting to sound like these Christians -- if thine eye offend you, or whatever...
Now, that was harsh and uncalled for



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 10:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Now, that was harsh and uncalled for
Well, I mean, I thought I should warn you in case you picking up bad habits from them. I am trying to be helpful, I swear. I'd be distressed to see you become like them.

And where's Lady Sorrow? Has she signed up on these new boards?
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Default 09-18-2006, 10:41 AM

If you mean the one who is regularly seen at her university with a bible blathering on to anyone who will listen about damnation and fire and barbed tallywhackers and to repent NOW or else, my guess is she's involved in study right now.

She'll most likely find her way soon enough to be in the company of her fellow fundies.



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 12:47 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hitoshi View Post
I have friend who is need help so I am ask for him. my friend is Japanese student in America here and he has get venerial disease (is herpe) from American college girl. if he give money for church is possible jesus make herpe go away? he very desperate and is want try anything. Serious this is for friend so no joke okay.

ps - this NEVER happen in Japan. Japanese woman keep herself clean.
Hiroshi you little yellow monkey, why are you in here telling such lies. This isn't about your "friend", because you don't have any. You got inflicted with AIDS after you were giving strangers a free joyride in a public park, right?

Listen up chink, if you were inflicted with some disease by Jesus as a punishment for your shameless sodomizing, then no doctor can help you. You deserve what you got, rice boy.

And don't try rubbing grizzly bear testicles or cat gut on your festering wounds either! Jesus hates it when you use gook witchcraft.

And by the way; do not cast aspersions on American women. You will never find this out for yourself, but take it from me, True Christian American girls are the most beautiful, talented and clean females on God's earth. Your chink harlots have to paint themselves white with shoepolish to cover the stains of filth permanently embedded on them.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default 09-18-2006, 01:42 PM

Landover should once and for all quarantine all non-Christians

Last edited by Pastor Ezekiel; 09-18-2006 at 01:46 PM. Reason: Jesus was angered by the horrific spelling and lack of proper capitalization in this post.
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Default 09-18-2006, 02:35 PM

okay this really for my friend. I am never have problem because I alway make sure "my son wear his jacket" if you are catching my driff. my friend is just come to America so he not understand how dirty every one is specially girl. Believe I not even like shake hand with american because they alway picking and scratching and never wash hand. you guy do not think of germ you even wear shoe in house. I bow instead shake hand and act like I am not understand culture.
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Default 09-18-2006, 02:53 PM

Every single post in this thread so far has failed to pick up on the real important issue here - the fact that a Jap has defiled an American woman!
Genesis 34:1 And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. 2 And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.

5 And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
6 And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him. 7 And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done...

13 And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
14 And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
15 But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; 16 Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people...
24 And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.

25 And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males. 26 And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.

It seems pretty clear to me that GOD wants us to first circumcise, and then kill, every male in Japan. How did everyone else fail to notice this?
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Default 09-18-2006, 06:53 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Every single post in this thread so far has failed to pick up on the real important issue here - the fact that a Jap has defiled an American woman!

It seems pretty clear to me that GOD wants us to first circumcise, and then kill, every male in Japan. How did everyone else fail to notice this?
is too bad no fore skin is cover this ugly head

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Default 09-18-2006, 07:18 PM

My Messican maid calls this a "herpes"



I keep telling her....noooo, it pronounced Hair piece.

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Default 09-18-2006, 09:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Every single post in this thread so far has failed to pick up on the real important issue here - the fact that a Jap has defiled an American woman!
Genesis 34:1 And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. 2 And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her.

5 And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
6 And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him. 7 And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard it: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter: which thing ought not to be done...

13 And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
14 And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that were a reproach unto us:
15 But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; 16 Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people...
24 And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.

25 And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males. 26 And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out.

It seems pretty clear to me that GOD wants us to first circumcise, and then kill, every male in Japan. How did everyone else fail to notice this?

AT LAST!! Glory to Brother Temperance.
A few lines of sanity in a sea of trash.

Hotitchi, you or your friend should be ashamed.

Get Circumcised, Get Jesus and Get Saved.

We all know that being a Slant-eye is a lifestyle choice.
Jesus will cure you.

Tithe and give loving donations to Jesus. I will pray for you.



Sister Talitha

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being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



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Default 09-18-2006, 10:54 PM

Quote:
We all know that being a Slant-eye is a lifestyle choice.
Oh my God, siter. Is this true?

Asians are sick.

I am shocked!
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