Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > PRAYER REQUESTS
Reload this Page Prayer request - please help
PRAYER REQUESTS Please check regularly

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
stunned stunned is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 1
Join Date: Jun 2008
stunned is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Prayer request - please help - 06-06-2008, 06:22 PM

Here is a prayer request - please ask the Lord to force Deaner to suspend me and ban me for life from these posts.
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
SUV's Avatar
SUV SUV is offline
True Christian™ Princess
The Driving Force behind RA12
Have at it, anytime!

Long service medal, 1st class One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Ribfest '08 True Christian™ Saved 5 Years Saved 10 Years Best Pie True Christian Lady Real American™ Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Christian Love Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas Eats the Most Pork True Republican Princess

 
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-06-2008, 06:30 PM

This is a rather unusual request, Brother/Sister. Have you Prayed upon it also, or do you simply seek to Pray upon Brother Deaner?
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Sister Noddy's Avatar
Sister Noddy Sister Noddy is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™
 
Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-06-2008, 07:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stunned View Post

Here is a prayer request - please ask the Lord to force Deaner to suspend me and ban me for life from these posts
Oh, but you just got here! Why don't you tell us something about yourself, such as your favorite Bible verse? Do you tithe? What about your sexual orientation? If you are a homer, of course JESUS will drop your sorry butt into satan's lake of fire when you die (Jesus forgive noddy)

In fact, while you're at it, why don't you tell us what you think is ...

WRONG!

... with our GODLY forums, stun boy?


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-06-2008, 11:20 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stunned View Post
Here is a prayer request - please ask the Lord to force Deaner to suspend me and ban me for life from these posts.
What would be the point of that?

There's a big red X in the upper-right corner of your screen. Click it, and you will never have to look upon God's Favorite Forum again. Well, until He shows you the point where you could have turned to Him, but chose to be snarky instead . . . and then drop-kicks you straight into Hell! <-- I like this one. I shall use it often.


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Susie's Avatar
Susie Susie is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
 
Posts: 43
Join Date: May 2008
Susie is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-07-2008, 12:54 AM

Stunned, Jesus brought you here for a reason. Why fight? Embrace the teachings of these Godly Brothers and Sisters and accept Jesus. Jesus will reward you for it.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life Alternative Facts Probing for Jesus 20,000 posts Saved 10 Years Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Anti-Biden

 
Posts: 22,727
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-09-2008, 10:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by stunned View Post
Here is a prayer request - please ask the Lord to force Deaner to suspend me and ban me for life from these posts.
As Benjamin Franklin said, "God helps those who help themselves." As an example, if you asked me to help you desecrate a catlick church, but then just watched me as I set it alight for you, I was not actually helping you. I would be doing the work for you.



Many Christians fall into the trap of inactivity. Many Christians ask God for help, but then expect God to do everything Himself. They excuse this by pointing to the fact that God will provide according to His will and in His timing. However, this is not a reason for inactivity.

Hence we see that your first port of call should be a polite note to Brother Deaner himself. Brother Deaner is almost too keen to help those suffering and by The Lord’s Word and Mercy he will be guided.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Mrs. Rogers's Avatar
Mrs. Rogers Mrs. Rogers is offline
compassion personified
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ True Christian Lady True Christian Beauty Saved 1 Year Silver Tither Long service medal, 2nd class Saved 5 Years True Christian Homemaker Mission to Australia Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Punched the most queers Protected by JESUS TC Bravery The Lord’s Witness Wound Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot True Heterosexual™ One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Born again virgin Pro-Life True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 2,721
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New Zealand
Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mrs. Rogers will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-11-2008, 08:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
There's a big red X in the upper-right corner of your screen. Click it, and you will never have to look upon God's Favorite Forum again.
Marvellous advice for the unsaved and slack-jawed masses, Brother. Unfortunately they have great trouble finding that elusive "X", and we, God's Elect™, must trawl through their snivelling posts.

I believe that reading their posts is akin to the tortures of Hell; By God, I hope they suffer when they get there!


True Christians are Perfect!

Signs that you belong to a FALSE Christian Church.

Persecution You Have Endured for CHRIST: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger in Christ.

For True Christians™ only: please send me Project Habakkuk updates at gertruderogers@landoverbaptist.net. Thank you.
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-11-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Rogers View Post
Marvellous advice for the unsaved and slack-jawed masses, Brother. Unfortunately they have great trouble finding that elusive "X", and we, God's Elect™, must trawl through their snivelling posts.

I believe that reading their posts is akin to the tortures of Hell; By God, I hope they suffer when they get there!
Perhaps, Godly Mrs. Rogers, they will be forced to read their own drivel while simultaneously being sodomized by demons!


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
Jesussaysslipnotsucks's Avatar
Jesussaysslipnotsucks Jesussaysslipnotsucks is offline
Unsaved trash
 

Glutton

 
Posts: 52
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bible belt, USA
Jesussaysslipnotsucks is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-12-2008, 05:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Perhaps, Godly Mrs. Rogers, they will be forced to read their own drivel while simultaneously being sodomized by demons!
It would serve them right!

oh wait, I'm unsaved trash


For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19
Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
Sister Noddy's Avatar
Sister Noddy Sister Noddy is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™
 
Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.Sister Noddy has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-12-2008, 06:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotfan View Post

It would serve them right!

oh wait, I'm unsaved trash
Yoooooou betcha! And unfortunately you will continue to be so, until you ...

ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR!

... else you shall remain an outcast among GODLY TRUE CHRISTIANS™! For it is written ...

2nd John 1:10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed ...

Grimly, Sister Noddy


1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...


1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...

Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
Reply With Quote
(#11)
Old
Jesussaysslipnotsucks's Avatar
Jesussaysslipnotsucks Jesussaysslipnotsucks is offline
Unsaved trash
 

Glutton

 
Posts: 52
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bible belt, USA
Jesussaysslipnotsucks is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-12-2008, 08:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Noddy View Post
Yoooooou betcha! And unfortunately you will continue to be so, until you ...

ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR SAVIOR!

... else you shall remain an outcast among GODLY TRUE CHRISTIANS™! For it is written ...

2nd John 1:10 If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed ...

Grimly, Sister Noddy
but, i dont deserve Jesus


For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19
Reply With Quote
(#12)
Old
Daisy Mae Johnson's Avatar
Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™

Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Christian Love Best Pie Long service medal, 2nd class Cleanest Kitchen Saved 5 Years Platinum Tither True Christian Lady Best Pie True Christian Homemaker Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Ribfest '09 Daisy Home Schooled Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound The Lord’s Witness Wound Protected by JESUS Punched the most queers TC Bravery Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor In Love With Zeke Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Pie Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Long service medal, 3rd class 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-12-2008, 10:15 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotfan View Post
It would serve them right!

oh wait, I'm unsaved trash
Have you hit the GODLY Paypal button at the bottom of your screen?




Tweet me Here
My GODLY Bio Here
Reply With Quote
(#13)
Old
Jesussaysslipnotsucks's Avatar
Jesussaysslipnotsucks Jesussaysslipnotsucks is offline
Unsaved trash
 

Glutton

 
Posts: 52
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bible belt, USA
Jesussaysslipnotsucks is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 08:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Have you hit the GODLY Paypal button at the bottom of your screen?
oh is that how you change from unsaved trash to a True Christian?


For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19
Reply With Quote
(#14)
Old
Talitha's Avatar
Talitha Talitha is offline
Deaconess
Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Long service medal, 3rd class Real American™ Gunfest '08 Cleanest Kitchen Platinum Tither True Christian Lady True Christian Provider™ award Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Pro-Life TC Bravery Ex-Brit True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Long service medal, 2nd class Early riser Touched by Jesus Donald Trump 2016! Pastor Ezekiel Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Talitha will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 08:24 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotfan View Post
oh is that how you change from unsaved trash to a True Christian?
NO!!
You have to let the warmth of Jesus enter you.
Show that you've read The Bible (King James Version ONLY).

THERE IS NO SHORT CUT TO SALVATION.



Sister Talitha

Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41



Reply With Quote
(#15)
Old
peter_p's Avatar
peter_p peter_p is offline
Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
 
Posts: 1
Join Date: Jun 2008
peter_p is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 09:16 AM

I've always had a really bad problem with praying.... i dont know if you can help me. every time i pray, i feel the urge to pass wind, is this god trying to contact me? it's been happening for some time now.
Reply With Quote
(#16)
Old
Jesussaysslipnotsucks's Avatar
Jesussaysslipnotsucks Jesussaysslipnotsucks is offline
Unsaved trash
 

Glutton

 
Posts: 52
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bible belt, USA
Jesussaysslipnotsucks is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 09:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Talitha View Post
NO!!
You have to let the warmth of Jesus enter you.
Show that you've read The Bible (King James Version ONLY).

THERE IS NO SHORT CUT TO SALVATION.
I've read the KING JAMES VERSION ONLY bible through twice, thank you.
Yet I'm still unsaved trash

Quote:
Originally Posted by peter_p View Post
I've always had a really bad problem with praying.... i dont know if you can help me. every time i pray, i feel the urge to pass wind, is this god trying to contact me? it's been happening for some time now.
ohhhhhhhhh i bet it is!


For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19
Reply With Quote
(#17)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 11:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by slipknotfan View Post
I've read the KING JAMES VERSION ONLY bible through twice, thank you.
Yet I'm still unsaved trash
There's alot more to acheiving True Christian™ status than claiming to have read the Good Book a couple of times. You have yet to quote from any verse in the Bible, and your smart-alecky cartoon avatar doesn't endear you any to Christ.

Not to mention that we have yet to receive your Tithe. That's what that shiny Paypal button is for at the bottom of the page.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#18)
Old
Jesussaysslipnotsucks's Avatar
Jesussaysslipnotsucks Jesussaysslipnotsucks is offline
Unsaved trash
 

Glutton

 
Posts: 52
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bible belt, USA
Jesussaysslipnotsucks is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 05:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
There's alot more to acheiving True Christian™ status than claiming to have read the Good Book a couple of times. You have yet to quote from any verse in the Bible, and your smart-alecky cartoon avatar doesn't endear you any to Christ.

Not to mention that we have yet to receive your Tithe. That's what that shiny Paypal button is for at the bottom of the page.
ohhh, so the paypal button is a direct link to salvation!


For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19
Reply With Quote
(#19)
Old
Rev. M. Rodimer's Avatar
Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member

One Year/1000 posts Gunfest '07 True Christian™ Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager Long service medal, 3rd class Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Mission to Australia Pastor of GOD Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Ex-Masturbator Ex-Masturbator 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Public Awareness Medal True Republican Eats the Most Pork Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Christian Love Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior

 
Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 06:21 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesussaysslipnotsucks View Post
but, i dont deserve Jesus
That's true, Sucks.

Nobody deserves Jesus. We are all filthy, disgusting sinners with no value in God's eyes except as fuel for His fire. Humans are not worthy to lick His toe, and must recognize their place as His playthings. The more fortunate sinners might aspire to be the Hellfire over which He toasts His evening marshmallow some cold winter's night in Heaven.

But, God decided He didn't want to torture ALL of His creation for all eternity, so He came to Earth as Jesus, to give us all a chance to be Saved©! This elite group consists of those who hear the Word of God, read and follow the entire KJV Bible, and who love and fear God with all their hearts.

Those of us who are Saved© can look forward to spending OUR afterlives in Heaven, enjoying the occasional Hellfire-toasted marshmallow ourselves. Wouldn't you like to join us?


Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
Reply With Quote
(#20)
Old
Jesussaysslipnotsucks's Avatar
Jesussaysslipnotsucks Jesussaysslipnotsucks is offline
Unsaved trash
 

Glutton

 
Posts: 52
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Bible belt, USA
Jesussaysslipnotsucks is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Default Re: Prayer request - please help - 06-13-2008, 07:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Wouldn't you like to join us?
I would, but how? Its just to good to be true, its far to much for my finite, stupid little mind to grasp.


For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more.--- 1 Corinthians 9:19
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved