Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum
Reload this Page Mother Glendy, I need your help!
Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Arethusa's Avatar
Arethusa Arethusa is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™
 
Posts: 282
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Effete Canada
Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 05:29 AM

I have a male Catholic friend with whom I hang out. He is quite handsome and comparatively smart but there's a major, major problem. One night we were out with a bunch of friends at the bar. Somehow he slipped into the middle of conversation about one of the waitresses that he believes in Rhythm Planning. He thinks it actually works. I tried to tell him that it only "works" if he wants to have eight children but he wasn't buying it.



First question: He only had one pint. Is he trying to tell me something or...was he just making conversation?

Second question: How should I tell him that I've lost respect for his brain?

Third question: He's going to Hell isn't he?


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.'s Avatar
Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. is offline
Scientific Advisor
True Christian™

1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Publisher's Choice True Christian™ Saved 1 Year Silver Tither True Heterosexual™ Ex-Gay True Scientist™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Tell her once True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Flat Earth Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Trump of GOD True Christian Provider™ award Babysitter Stamp of Approval Alternative Facts Pastor Ezekiel Christian Love True Scientist™ Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 2,369
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S. will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 07:00 AM

Whilst I am not Glendora by a long shot, I might as well add my $0.02! Basically it seems that he wants to kill babies. Only GOD can plan how many babies a couple should have -- no mortal man could! It is God's wish that EVERY SPERM (pardon the language) a man creates is to be made into a baby! It seems as though this Cathylicker wishes to kill more babies than he wants to make!


Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Pastor Al E Pistle's Avatar
Pastor Al E Pistle Pastor Al E Pistle is offline
Christ's Cōnsiliārius
 
 
Posts: 9,311
Join Date: Sep 2006
Pastor Al E Pistle has disabled reputation
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 07:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arethusa View Post
I have a male Catholic friend with whom I hang out. He is quite handsome and comparatively smart but there's a major, major problem.

Yes and you just mentioned it! GET AWAY FROM HIM! Unless you are a guy in drag of course. Then he'd be just right.

One night we were out with a bunch of friends at the bar. Somehow he slipped into the middle of conversation about one of the waitresses that he believes in Rhythm Planning. He thinks it actually works. I tried to tell him that it only "works" if he wants to have eight children but he wasn't buying it.



First question: He only had one pint. Is he trying to tell me something or...was he just making conversation?

Catlickers are devious! He probably wants to do the nasty with you! Of course, he is required to impregnate you by law. The good part is that he'd have to marry you or move to another street.

Second question: How should I tell him that I've lost respect for his brain?

Say this: "Ricardo, I sort of like you as a person in a Benny Hill sort of way, but you ain't no Ivor Biggun. In fact, you are a limp-choo-choo cathylick boy-buggerer and you are as dumb as a post. Do me, do the world, do YOURSELF a favor and commit suicide tonight!"

Third question: He's going to Hell isn't he?
YES, AND MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T PULL YOU DOWN WITH HIM!


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
eliot mayfield's Avatar
eliot mayfield eliot mayfield is offline
God Squad
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 3rd class Tin Tither Ribfest '06 Public Awareness Medal Saved 5 Years Long service medal, 2nd class Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Public Awareness Medal Christian Love Friend of Jesus Tell her once Flat Earth Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award

 
Posts: 9,322
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!eliot mayfield will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 08:47 AM

What were you doing in a bar anyway? Are you a herlot? judging by your post I would have to assume this is the case.


Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


http://www.shangrala.org/Pictures/Christ%20Michael.jpg
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Glendora Christianson's Avatar
Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
Spiritual Mother of LBC
True Christian™

Long service medal, 1st class One Year/1000 posts True Christian™ Saved 5 Years True Christian Lady Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls Ribfest '03 Best stoning bucket Protected by JESUS Christian Love Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Mama Grizzly Persecuted

 
Posts: 6,341
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, IA
Glendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 01:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arethusa View Post
I have a male Catholic friend with whom I hang out. He is quite handsome and comparatively smart but there's a major, major problem. One night we were out with a bunch of friends at the bar. Somehow he slipped into the middle of conversation about one of the waitresses that he believes in Rhythm Planning. He thinks it actually works.Third question: He's going to Hell isn't he?
I have two thoughts; first of all, real christians have sexual intercourse (forgive me Jesus) for PROCREATION ONLY! And second thought; I think you "male friend" is hiding something much worse than anything anybody has imagined so far. CONCERNED GLENDORA


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
SUV's Avatar
SUV SUV is offline
True Christian™ Princess
The Driving Force behind RA12
Have at it, anytime!

Long service medal, 1st class One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Ribfest '08 True Christian™ Saved 5 Years Saved 10 Years Best Pie True Christian Lady Real American™ Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Christian Love Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas Eats the Most Pork True Republican Princess

 
Posts: 11,024
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: At the Gift Exchange Counter
SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!SUV will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 02:02 PM



Sex-talk in an establishment where Alcohol is being Consumated! Oh, Sister, Sister!!! Please do tell me that you were only Witnessing to the Sordid "people" who go there!

PS Never mind what cathylicks "think" anyway. To we Baptists, "berth control" is acceptable only on the Amtrak.
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Arethusa's Avatar
Arethusa Arethusa is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™
 
Posts: 282
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Effete Canada
Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 04:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Yes and you just mentioned it! GET AWAY FROM HIM! Unless you are a guy in drag of course. Then he'd be just right.

It's funny you mentioned it since half of us in our group think he's in denial about...certain inclinations. Thankfully I am a woman, as the good lord made me. It's just that...he was kinda cute and his mother is so sweet and amiable.

Catlickers are devious! He probably wants to do the nasty with you! Of course, he is required to impregnate you by law. The good part is that he'd have to marry you or move to another street.

Oh I fear he's one of those "lapsed" Catholics. He has icons of the Madonna in his room and such but he got past that whole "Wait for Marriage" rule, if you know what I mean.

Say this: "Ricardo, I sort of like you as a person in a Benny Hill sort of way, but you ain't no Ivor Biggun. In fact, you are a limp-choo-choo cathylick boy-buggerer and you are as dumb as a post. Do me, do the world, do YOURSELF a favor and commit suicide tonight!"

I had to google Ivor Biggun to find out who he was. Pastor Pistle! Are you sure you're referring to the right person? Biggun seems a bit...untoward!
I don't want to go to Hell pastor! I'll try and enlighten him.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon
Whilst I am not Glendora by a long shot, I might as well add my $0.02! Basically it seems that he wants to kill babies. Only GOD can plan how many babies a couple should have -- no mortal man could! It is God's wish that EVERY SPERM (pardon the language) a man creates is to be made into a baby! It seems as though this Cathylicker wishes to kill more babies than he wants to make!
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid

Last edited by Arethusa; 12-05-2006 at 04:26 PM. Reason: I forgot to answer dear John
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Arethusa's Avatar
Arethusa Arethusa is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™
 
Posts: 282
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Effete Canada
Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-05-2006, 04:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson View Post
I have two thoughts; first of all, real christians have sexual intercourse (forgive me Jesus) for PROCREATION ONLY! And second thought; I think you "male friend" is hiding something much worse than anything anybody has imagined so far. CONCERNED GLENDORA
This is what I thought Mother Glendy. I don't know what I shall do about the matter. Maybe I'll start sitting beside someone else when we go out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Sue Vera
Sex-talk in an establishment where Alcohol is being Consumated! Oh, Sister, Sister!!! Please do tell me that you were only Witnessing to the Sordid "people" who go there!

PS Never mind what cathylicks "think" anyway. To we Baptists, "berth control" is acceptable only on the Amtrak.
I only had a very light beer and I put a slice of lemon in it so it was basically non-alcoholic. And it was in a very innocent college pub with bad live music, nothing to fear.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliot mayfield
What were you doing in a bar anyway? Are you a herlot? judging by your post I would have to assume this is the case.
I'm in Canada! We have bars on every block. If it makes you feel any better Easter Weekend is a public holiday. I bet good ol' Christian USA doesn't have that.


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
OnYourKnees's Avatar
OnYourKnees OnYourKnees is offline
On Extended Furlough
True Christian™
 
Posts: 4,784
Join Date: Nov 2006
OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.OnYourKnees is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-06-2006, 03:04 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Arethusa View Post
I have a male Catholic friend with whom I hang out. He is quite handsome and comparatively smart but there's a major, major problem. One night we were out with a bunch of friends at the bar. Somehow he slipped into the middle of conversation about one of the waitresses that he believes in Rhythm Planning. He thinks it actually works. I tried to tell him that it only "works" if he wants to have eight children but he wasn't buying it.



First question: He only had one pint. Is he trying to tell me something or...was he just making conversation?

Second question: How should I tell him that I've lost respect for his brain?

Third question: He's going to Hell isn't he?
So, let me see if I have the correct mental image:

You were in a den of iniquity absorbing the throbbing beats of a devil-worshipping rock music band, sucking down booze among underaged college students with falsified identification, and shaking your supple, scantily-clad young body to the music in a most immodest and unladylike fashion. Much to your surprise, your Mary-worshipping Cat-licker "friend" started fantasizing about getting his "rhythm method" going with you and the waitress, and told you about his perverted desires while gazing at the serving wench's ample cleavage. This brought up some questions in your mind.

Answer to your first question is pretty obvious. Yes, he's trying to tell you he wants to fornicate with you AND the waitress. He also wants to be sure you know that he doesn't use protection, so he can share with you whatever viruses or bacteria he's picked up from the last harlot, turning your nether regions into a burning, oozing mass of pulsing, blistering agony and necessitating trips to the local Harlot Clinic.

Second question: Did you not KNOW that he was a Mary-worshipping Cat-licker alky-haulic group sex fiend?! Those seem like rather apparent things, yet you call him your "friend"? I understand that you might love the sinner and hate the sin, but respecting someone so horrifically misdirected from God's ways? Come now. Let's not be silly. Tell him the error of his ways and help him find Jesus.

Third question: You're the one hanging out with oversexed teenagers, Catlicker sex maniacs, drunkards, and rock bands, and you're worried about HIM going to Hell?

Matthew 7:5, Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

I hope this helps.
Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
Arethusa's Avatar
Arethusa Arethusa is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™
 
Posts: 282
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Effete Canada
Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.Arethusa has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-06-2006, 04:20 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by OnYourKnees View Post
So, let me see if I have the correct mental image:

You were in a den of iniquity absorbing the throbbing beats of a devil-worshipping rock music band, sucking down booze among underaged college students with falsified identification, and shaking your supple, scantily-clad young body to the music in a most immodest and unladylike fashion. Much to your surprise, your Mary-worshipping Cat-licker "friend" started fantasizing about getting his "rhythm method" going with you and the waitress, and told you about his perverted desires while gazing at the serving wench's ample cleavage. This brought up some questions in your mind.
No no it's a pub. A fake Irish pub! The only sort of live music it has is a skinny middle-aged man on an electric keyboard covering Coldplay. There is absolutely no dancing and I was well-clad because it gets pretty cold here around this time.

I can't remember if the waitress had a cleavage or not. I don't notice such things.

Quote:
Answer to your first question is pretty obvious. Yes, he's trying to tell you he wants to fornicate with you AND the waitress. He also wants to be sure you know that he doesn't use protection, so he can share with you whatever viruses or bacteria he's picked up from the last harlot, turning your nether regions into a burning, oozing mass of pulsing, blistering agony and necessitating trips to the local Harlot Clinic.
Ewwww.

Quote:
Second question: Did you not KNOW that he was a Mary-worshipping Cat-licker alky-haulic group sex fiend?! Those seem like rather apparent things, yet you call him your "friend"? I understand that you might love the sinner and hate the sin, but respecting someone so horrifically misdirected from God's ways? Come now. Let's not be silly. Tell him the error of his ways and help him find Jesus.

Third question: You're the one hanging out with oversexed teenagers, Catlicker sex maniacs, drunkards, and rock bands, and you're worried about HIM going to Hell?

Matthew 7:5, Thou hypocrite, first cast the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
I can't avoid the Catholics, they're everywhere! They're the biggest denomination represented here I think, besides the Eastern Orthodox.

I hope this helps.


Tir'd, and despairing, O celestial maid,
I'm caught, I cry'd, without thy heav'nly aid.
Help me, Diana, help a nymph forlorn,
Devoted to the woods, who long has worn
Thy livery, and long thy quiver born.
- Ovid
Reply With Quote
(#11)
Old
Brother Temperance's Avatar
Brother Temperance Brother Temperance is offline
Senior Usher
True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
A very nice young man
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Real American™ Long service medal, 2nd class Christian Love Saved 5 Years The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking True Heterosexual™ Ex-Christ-Killer Public Awareness Medal Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus TC Bravery Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Ex-Brit True Republican Saved 10 Years

 
Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Temperance will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Mother Glendy, I need your help! - 12-06-2006, 12:21 PM

Ah-hah! As we all know, the Catholics hate God, so quoting the Bible at him would be very little use in this situation. However, you could try drawing his attention to the views of Augustine, the deranged pervert who helped invent the Catholic cult. You can read his attack on the rhythm method here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Augustine
Is it not you who used to counsel us to observe as much as possible the time when a woman, after her purification, is most likely to conceive, and to abstain from cohabitation at that time, lest the soul should be entangled in flesh? This proves that you approve of having a wife, not for the procreation of children, but for the gratification of passion. In marriage, as the marriage law declares, the man and woman come together for the procreation of children. Therefore whoever makes the procreation of children a greater sin than copulation, forbids marriage, and makes the woman not a wife, but a mistress, who for some gifts presented to her is joined to the man to gratify his passion. Where there is a wife there must be marriage. But there is no marriage where motherhood is not in view; therefore neither is there a wife. In this way you forbid marriage. Nor can you defend yourselves successfully from this charge, long ago brought against you prophetically by the Holy Spirit.
Of course, Augustine, as the founder of the paedo-cult, would be hardly likely to approve of any form of heterosexual intercourse that did not produce more children for Satan's priestly army to interfere with. Nevertheless, the point stands: The founder of the Cathoholic Church was firmly against the rhythm method, even referring to it as "the pimp's method." Once you've pointed that out to him, I'd advise you to set him on fire, then get the nearest homer (and in any faux-Irish pub with skinny men doing Coldplay covers on a keyboard, they must be ten a penny) to urinate in his eyes, as a warning of what he can expect for eternity if he doesn't give up the fornication and Mary-Worship and get right with Jesus!


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved