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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
09-28-2007, 02:07 PM
Brothers and sisters, I just received THIS bulletin from the DOF. Apparently we are currently in the month called "Ramadamned" by the terrorist islamofascists. While they blow themselves up 12 months a year, they only starve themselves for one, so we need to show our gratitude to Jesus and hold as many feasts as possible during this satanic celebration.
Ladies? Can I count on you to double up on your pie baking for a while? Brothers, can we ask you to each sponsor a neighborhood barbecue feast, complete with suckling pigs, at least once a week during this vitally important time to show your patriotism?
Time to show that "these colors don't run"!
Mudslimes starve=they embrace death
True Christians™ feast=we embrace life
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Scientific Advisor
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,369
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Landover Baptist University for the Saved, Corridor 17C
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
09-28-2007, 03:21 PM
Far be it from me to volunteer you for anything, but isn't it about that time of the year for you to host another one of your totally fabulous pig roasts? It's the time of the Muslimiac year that we SHOULD be dining on roast pork as often as possible.
Trump 2020: "For Real This Time"
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Super Moderator Beloved Church Elder World's Greatest Father and Grandfather
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,071
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
09-28-2007, 11:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Ernest C. Ville, D.C.S.
Far be it from me to volunteer you for anything, but isn't it about that time of the year for you to host another one of your totally fabulous pig roasts?
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Nonsense. Pastor Ezekiel loves to be put upon. Pastor Ezekiel's house it is.
Pastor, don't worry about dessert. I'll have the wife bake a few delicious loaves of spiced prune bread.
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
09-28-2007, 11:39 PM
I have a cousin who lives near his town's Is-lame-ic center. He says that it would be really easy to get a permit to use the park near the mosque. He says that because of the local geography, the park is usually upwind from the mosque.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
09-28-2007, 11:39 PM
But I still feel so full and bloated from that big Yom Kippur dinner last week... Still, I'll have to do something to celebrate. It'll have to be pretty good to top that time me and the boys broke into a raghead family's house while they were out for some bacon and beers. Man, you should have seen the looks on their faces when they got back!
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,840
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Nice house on Nob Hill
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
09-29-2007, 12:11 AM
Hmmm yummmy! Savory pork roast and fixin's and beers, nothing those sad and sorry moonhummadamns can eat, let em go hungry while we True Christians™ stuff ourselves!
(noddy got pies in the oven now)
1st Timothy 2: 9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Timothy 2: 10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works ...
1 Timothy 5: 16 If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed ...
Proverbs 31: 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness ...
Proverbs 31: 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness ...
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
09-29-2007, 09:41 PM
Another thing that's not supposed to be happening in Ramadamned is fighting, but we don't have to bother to do that, because the muslims are already always doing it!
It's one thing to have an absurd faith that calls for men marrying multiple 6-year-olds, but what I really don't understand is people who don't even practice what they preach! Muslims are supposed stop their bloodlust for just 10 days, but it seems they can never quite make it. Just look at this list of battles fought by Muslims during Ramadamadingdong-damned:
624 - Battle of Badr. On 17 Ramadan, Muhammad led his forces in Arabia to victory over Makkan idolaters. "The great battle of Badr" or "Conquest of Mecca", was the first battle between believers and infidels.
627 - The Battle of the Ditch. Muslims trained for this battle during Ramadan, though it occurred in the following month of Shawal.
630 - Battle of Tabouk (also called the Battle of Tabuk). The soldiers of Islam, under the leadership of Muhammad, established a training and fighting camp in Tabouk during the month of fasting, and attacked the Byzantine army.
653 - Conquest of Rhodes. Muslims plundered the Colossus of Rhodes, melted it and turned it into arms for the soldiers.
710 - Muslims led by Tarek bin Ziyad, invaded Spanish southern frontier cities on the Andalusian coast.
1099 - Battle of Ascalon. Took place on 22 Ramadan (August 12), the newfound crusader Kingdom of Jerusalem defeated Fatimid Egypt.
1187 - Battle of Hattin. Took place at dawn -- after the Night of Power (Lailat ul-Qadr); a night during the last ten days of Ramadan when tradition says that the angel Gabriel descended and God called Muhammad to be His messenger. (It is sometimes translated as the Night of Destiny.) Sultan Saladin (Salah Al-Din Al-Ayubi) wiped out the Frankish army and went on to reclaim Jerusalem for Islam. The battle took place on July 4.
1260 - Battle of Ain Jalut. Qutuz defeated the Mongols in Palestine.
1948 - Israeli War of Independence. Fighting took place over two Ramadans.
1962 to 1970 - Yemeni Civil War. Fighting continued through nine Ramadans.
1973 - Ramadan War (Elsewhere known as the Yom Kippur War). Egypt and Syria launched their attack on Israel it was called Operation Badr, and foot soldiers were given religious slogans.
1975 to 1990 - Lebanon's civil war. Fighting took place over the course of seventeen Ramadans.
1981 - Iran rejected Iraqi offers for a Ramadan cease-fire.
1982 - Iran launched an attack on Iraq that they explicitly called "Operation Ramadan."
1986 - Christian forces called for a Ramadan cease-fire, which lasted two weeks.
1987 - Iran again rejected Iraqi offers for a Ramadan cease-fire.
1987 to 1993 - The first Palestinian Intifada was waged over six Ramadans.
1990s - There were at least 20 examples of Ramadan violence by Muslims during the Algerian civil war.
2000 - Indian Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee stated that India would initiate a unilateral cease-fire in observance of the holy month of Ramadan as a step towards peace in Kashmir. Nonetheless, widespread fighting continued between Indian forces and the guerrillas in Jammu-Kashmir.
2000 - Al-Qaida operatives tried to bomb a U.S. destroyer, USS The Sullivans, in the harbor at Aden, Yemen. It was the Night of Power. The suicide boat was overloaded with explosives and sank. Killed by their own savage bloodlust.
2000 - Al-Qaida successfully bombs the USS Cole in the same harbor at Aden.
2003 - After the 2003 Iraq war, suicide bombers struck at four locations, including the Red Cross headquarters, killing at least 35 people.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 129
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Under the Landover Baptist Church in the crypt
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
10-02-2007, 08:04 PM
"Hmmm yummmy! Savory pork roast and fixin's and beers, nothing those sad and sorry moonhummadamns can eat, let em go hungry while we True Christians™ stuff ourselves!"
We also enjoy roasting pigs. We often roast your hired christian pigs with our roadside bombs while they are contained in your miserable Humyvees. Often they are heard to issue complaint of the heat to your jesus, but to no avail.
Praise Allah!
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Ramadamned: A Month To Feast! -
10-02-2007, 08:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lindh
Praise Allah!
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I'm shocked that they allow internet access to prisoners at guantanamo bay, but at least it disproves all those lies about ill-treatment.
Any lady evildoers with you in gitmo? No? Looks like the only thing you're roasting is weiner. Enjoy your weiner roast, infidel.
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