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Reload this Page Rape is as harmless as Alaskan oil drilling, says conservative professor
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

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Smile Rape is as harmless as Alaskan oil drilling, says conservative professor - 10-04-2013, 07:36 PM

It's hard for young men to get a wife these days. Be brave and stay the course men, because when Biblical Law and free-market Reason rules America, getting a wife will be as easy as slipping in a pill and saying "Drill, baby drill":

A free-market professor points out that government laws preventing environmental destruction are just as absurd as laws against rape:
Granola McMustardseed just hates the idea that someone, somewhere might be altering the natural state of a wilderness area. It’s not that Granola ever plans to visit that area or to derive any other direct benefits from it; it’s just the idea of wilderness desecration that causes her deep psychic distress. [Is that ] an argument for discouraging, say, oil drilling in Alaska, either through taxes or regulation? [Let alone an even worse act of tyranny, cancelling government subsidies to the oil industry].

...Let's suppose that you, or I, or someone we love, or someone we care about from afar, is raped while unconscious in a way that causes no direct physical harm—no injury, no pregnancy, no disease transmission. (Note: The Steubenville rape victim, according to all the accounts I've read, was not even aware that she'd been sexually assaulted until she learned about it from the Internet some days later.) Despite the lack of physical damage, we are shocked, appalled and horrified at the thought of being treated in this way, and suffer deep trauma as a result. Ought the law discourage such acts of rape? Should they be illegal?...

As long as I'm safely unconsious and therefore shielded from the costs of an assault, why shouldn't the rest of the world (or more specifically my attackers) be allowed to reap the benefits? And if the thought of those benefits makes me shudder, why should my shuddering be accorded any more public policy weight than
[environmentalists]?

It is, I think, a red herring to say that there's something peculiarly sacred about the boundaries of our bodies. Every time someone on my street turns on a porch light, trillions of photons penetrate my body....bodily penetration does not seem to be in some sort of special protected category.
Exactly - what's the difference between becoming the cum-dumpster of some drooling fratboy who put a pill in your drink, and having a light shine on you?

Well, unless it's a government streetlight, then obviously it's tyranny.

As usual, the Bible has the answer. Since the woman is unconscious, she didn't cry out. That means she has to be executed under Biblical law: Deuteronomy 22:23-24

Heck, if you execute her while she's still unconscious, there's no chance of her EVER having psychic harm.

But on the positive side, anyone who can afford date-rape pills can probably also afford the 50-shekel dowry which will turn his unconscious cum-dumpster into his new wife: Deuteronomy 22:28-29

So it's more likely she'll wake up to find she's already a married woman. That's good, because weddings are expensive and they fund some shady people.

Oh, unless it's a homosexual rape, in which case you both have to be executed. The Bible is very clear on this, there's no exception for rape victims: Leviticus 20:13

So, take heart young men. Once our government shutdown has made the democrats capitulate and appease us, Bibilical law will be the law of the land. Thus Jesus will ban the birth control pill, and legalize the "instawife pill™".


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