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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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Default The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 12:33 PM

God is always watching you. Always. When copulating with your wife, be certain to keep it as clean as possible. You are, after all, forcing God to watch porn. Your tallywacker belongs in your wife's cooter. Do not put it anywhere else. Make sure you're doing it missionary style and cover up as much as possible. I like to wear a Cosby sweater and long johns.



Keep the dialogue crisp and entertaining. No pizza delivery guy or naughty nurse scenarios. These are porn clichés. God's sick of them. Also, get it over with as soon as possible. God's a busy Supreme Being. A commercial break during Matlock should provide you with ample time to create a Christian.

So be mindful of God's presence when parting the Pink Sea, guys. Also, be mindful of my presence. I'll be watching through your bedroom window to make sure you are doing it right. Praise Jesus.
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 01:22 PM

We have a large cactus planted outside our bedroom window to discourage perverts.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 02:58 PM

You get a lot of perverts around there? Or is your garden just a nasty barrier between you and the real world?


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 03:50 PM

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Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
You get a lot of perverts around there? Or is your garden just a nasty barrier between you and the real world?

There aren't any that I specifically know of, but with people like Hatchet running around loose, you can't be too careful.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 04:18 PM

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Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
There aren't any that I specifically know of, but with people like Hatchet running around loose, you can't be too careful.
People watching your pathetic mockery of a heterosexual relationship is the lest thing you should be worried about it harlot! If you had any shame in you would be proud of what happens in your bed room sinner!



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 04:27 PM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
People watching your pathetic mockery of a heterosexual relationship is the lest thing you should be worried about it harlot! If you had any shame in you would be proud of what happens in your bed room sinner!

I am not ashamed of my relationship with my husband or of anything we do in bed. That doesn't mean that I want pervs like Hatchet videotaping it for their own amusement.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 04:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
I am not ashamed of my relationship with my husband or of anything we do in bed. That doesn't mean that I want pervs like Hatchet videotaping it for their own amusement.
What makes you think Brother Hatchet would be amused the spectacle of some woman fornicating? Christian men are not like your pagan girly-men. We don’t do homosexual things like polluting ourselves over naked women!



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 04:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
What makes you think Brother Hatchet would be amused the spectacle of some woman fornicating? Christian men are not like your pagan girly-men. We don’t do homosexual things like polluting ourselves over naked women!
Right - you only watch porn for "research" purposes.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 04:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
Right - you only watch porn for "research" purposes.
Haven't you read anything; we are watching just for the public moral good.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 05:07 PM

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Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
Haven't you read anything; we are watching just for the public moral good.

Sure you are. And the moon is made of green cheese.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 07:33 PM

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Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
Sure you are. And the moon is made of green cheese.
Lumpy, lumpy, lumpy. You've been here more than a year without learning a thing! How is that possible? At least you provide us with solace in the knowledge that unsaved trash will never be a real threat to the Godfearing of America. Since you have the cognitive abilities of a retarded 3 year old after a binge huffing session, its unlikely you'll ever gather the wherewithall to mount an effective resistance to God's Plan. Hell, you probably don't have the wherewithall to haul your unclean carcass out of the gutter when you wake in the morning.

Sad, man, really. Be thankful you don't own a mirror.
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 07:49 PM

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Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
Sure you are. And the moon is made of green cheese.
What makes you think I enjoy looking at naked women?



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 07:55 PM

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Sure you are. And the moon is made of green cheese.
Missy, you need to show a little more gratitude for all of the sacrifices that Landover's senior pastors make to protect the spiritual welfare of their fellow human beings.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

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Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 08:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Avatar View Post
Lumpy, lumpy, lumpy. You've been here more than a year without learning a thing! How is that possible? At least you provide us with solace in the knowledge that unsaved trash will never be a real threat to the Godfearing of America. Since you have the cognitive abilities of a retarded 3 year old after a binge huffing session, its unlikely you'll ever gather the wherewithall to mount an effective resistance to God's Plan. Hell, you probably don't have the wherewithall to haul your unclean carcass out of the gutter when you wake in the morning.

Sad, man, really. Be thankful you don't own a mirror.
I've been able to resist whatever plans your god may have for me so far - not that I've seen any real evidence that said plans exist.

I don't live in the gutter - I have a lovely three-bedroom house with fruit trees, flower beds and a vegetable garden.

I'm not a man.

I own several mirrors, and am able to look the woman in every one of them in the eye every day.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 09:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lumpy View Post
We have a large cactus planted outside our bedroom window to discourage perverts.
Lady, there should be a 40-ft-tall Warning Sign planted outside your house! Like any Christian, I have the greatest contempt for perverts. But I wouldn't wish such a depraved spectacle even on them.

My worries are that your nudey sicko Skyclad rituals you practice in the woods are stumbled upon by children. The poor things would be scarred for life!
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WilliamJenningsBryan WilliamJenningsBryan is offline
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 09:29 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
What makes you think I enjoy looking at naked women?
I think they call it "projection" Pastor. It is where people accuse others of the very thing they like to do. Lumpy is merely revealing her lezbo fondness for other women. I've certainly heard stories about all the things that the Godless do in the suburbs to amuse themselves – from wife swapping to wanton fornication. They have no purpose or morals without Jesus so anything becomes possible. I wouldn't be surprised that those "Tupperware" parties are just a euphemism for something depraved.


Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
...and get off my lawn
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Old Iron Crotch Old Iron Crotch is offline
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Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Old Iron Crotch is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 09:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother_Percy View Post
Lady, there should be a 40-ft-tall Warning Sign planted outside your house! Like any Christian, I have the greatest contempt for perverts. But I wouldn't wish such a depraved spectacle even on them.

My worries are that your nudey sicko Skyclad rituals you practice in the woods are stumbled upon by children. The poor things would be scarred for life!
Then they should stay off my property.


Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 07-10-2008, 10:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
I think they call it "projection" Pastor. It is where people accuse others of the very thing they like to do. Lumpy is merely revealing her lezbo fondness for other women. I've certainly heard stories about all the things that the Godless do in the suburbs to amuse themselves – from wife swapping to wanton fornication. They have no purpose or morals without Jesus so anything becomes possible. I wouldn't be surprised that those "Tupperware" parties are just a euphemism for something depraved.
Good point Brother. I just have problems understanding how depraved the sinful are. Yes, doubtlessly Lumpy is so sick she has a mirror over her own bed just to watch a woman having sex. No wonder she brags about how may she owns.

Disgusting.



Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Dwayne DeKalb Dwayne DeKalb is offline
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 10-13-2009, 06:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
God is always watching you. Always. When copulating with your wife, be certain to keep it as clean as possible. You are, after all, forcing God to watch porn. Your tallywacker belongs in your wife's cooter. Do not put it anywhere else. Make sure you're doing it missionary style and cover up as much as possible. I like to wear a Cosby sweater and long johns.



Keep the dialogue crisp and entertaining. No pizza delivery guy or naughty nurse scenarios. These are porn clichés. God's sick of them. Also, get it over with as soon as possible. God's a busy Supreme Being. A commercial break during Matlock should provide you with ample time to create a Christian.

So be mindful of God's presence when parting the Pink Sea, guys. Also, be mindful of my presence. I'll be watching through your bedroom window to make sure you are doing it right. Praise Jesus.
You are one creepy old fella.
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Default Re: The Mattress Mambo and You - 10-13-2009, 09:23 PM

I strongly suspect the major problem at Sister Old Iron Crotch's house is that she is rebelling against this well reasoned and insightful posting by Sister Mary Maria:



http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=12393


The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court

"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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