MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part. |
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-06-2009, 08:33 PM
Interesting.
Tell me, Rev. Rod, how would you feel about a widow who is a career woman and . . . um . . . barren?
Being widowed and an orphan, I must only marry if I so choose, you see.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-07-2009, 05:36 PM
if you want a husband who beats his wife in the so called name of some god, you def. came to the right place. these people will all be in hell, theres not a nutjob on this forum that will make it to heaven..
now look what you made me did, go off and pass judgement. oh well never said i was great either, atleast i dont take the words out of context and preach on discipling or whatever you wackjobs call it my wife. people like this give christianity and religion a bad name. people like these are the reason the world is in the shape it is.
idiots
good day
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True Christian™ Princess The Driving Force behind RA12 Have at it, anytime!
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Posts: 11,024
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-07-2009, 05:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by loewengeist
if you want a Husband who beats his wife in the Holy, Righteous Name of God
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I do
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-07-2009, 07:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV
I do
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Too bad Loewenbrau isn't a Godly person, Sister!
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,686
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Location: Woodlawn Drive, Freehold, USA USA USA
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-07-2009, 09:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by loewengeist
if you want a husband who beats his wife in the so called name of some god, you def. came to the right place. these people will all be in hell, theres not a nutjob on this forum that will make it to heaven.
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The pact of forgiveness for human frailty that exists between True Christian™ husband and wife is one of the most sacred covenants on Earth.
I pity you for not having grasped, or experienced, that.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-07-2009, 09:22 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV
I do
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+ =
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-07-2009, 10:27 PM
Rev. Rod hasn't replied.
Is it because I have a reputation for ?
Or maybe just because I'm barren . . .
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God Squad
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Location: rebuking eurotrash commies
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-07-2009, 10:42 PM
Barren? Might as well marry the Great Gobi!
How do you know sister? Are you certain?
Matthew:
5:17 Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled
10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-08-2009, 01:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
Rev. Rod hasn't replied.
Is it because I have a reputation for ?
Or maybe just because I'm barren . . .
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This lady has a husband. Maybe you need enhancements.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Director of European Evangelical Outreach A Shining Example of Christ's Love Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-08-2009, 01:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
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Don't the Freehold Laws have a restriction of size 38KJV Pastor?
Psalm 81:10:
I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.
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Christ's Cōnsiliārius
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Posts: 9,311
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-08-2009, 09:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wide-Open
Don't the Freehold Laws have a restriction of size 38KJV Pastor?
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We used Thumper as the model and I don't quite remember the details. Pastors usually restrict ourselves to conformity checks rather than trying to milk out the details of those sorts of regulations. I do remember 38KJV though.
Interesting story. It all came about when some of the the Ladies of Landover...who are usually not known as nurseries anyway if you follow my drift... tried to keep dear Sister Thumper out of Sunday Services because they said she was a huge distraction....or, rather, a couple of them to the men sitting near her.
Of course it wasn't true. She might have been perceived as a remote distraction to the Pastor ONCE when she sat in the front pew because from the elevated pulpit one could see that she was simply bursting with the love of JESUS swelling in her heart, yes she was! GLORY TO JESUS!
To make a long story short, I forgot a couple of minor parts of my sermon and made one or two silly grammatical errors such as describing JESUS feeding the masses by converting water to wine and giving out 'two huge jugs containing the sweet nectar of life to every man with a'...but then then I clumsily fell forward over the podium. I simply lost my footing. It had nothing to do with Sister Thumper at all!
Anyway, there was some discussion and I believe the ladies' group passed some informal guidelines about the proper attire for church. You'd have to ask in the women's only section. I never go there. In fact I had forgotten the entire incident.
Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-09-2009, 02:12 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Anyway, there was some discussion and I believe the ladies' group passed some informal guidelines about the proper attire for church. You'd have to ask in the women's only section. I never go there. In fact I had forgotten the entire incident.
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There's a women's section?
Why have I been shut out?
Is it because I'm barren, and cannot be Saved in childbearing? Is it?
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-09-2009, 05:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
There's a women's section?
Why have I been shut out?
Is it because I'm barren, and cannot be Saved in childbearing? Is it?
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We probably forgot to pay the rent of something...? You know how addle brained us women can be.
Anyway, Do Brother Nobar and Sister Cookie have something they'd like to share with us?
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Petite pearl of Baptist womanhood
True Christian™
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-09-2009, 05:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Anyway, Do Brother Nobar and Sister Cookie have something they'd like to share with us?
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Oh my goodness! That's from the event where I first met someone from Landover, and my eyes were opened to True Christianity™ ! ! !
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-09-2009, 07:17 PM
That was YOU???!!!???
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-09-2009, 09:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
That was YOU???!!!???
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Is THAT how your husband had you dress to witness, Cookie?
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-21-2009, 04:41 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle
Oh, sister! There you are. Would you mind explaining to that tartish Sister Jenny why she must remember her place and not act all uppity? I'd actually prefer that one of our elderly sisters do it but I haven't seen Sister SUV yet this morning.
YIC
Pastor Al
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So it seems a husband is needed for the poor dear now more than ever. When a pastor, who has better things to do, is noticing and worrying about a sister's troubling tendency to feminazism, something must be done.
Sister Jenny, a list of appropriate suitors will be presented to you at the next Ladies of Landover prayer breakfast. I strongly urge you not to be late with a "headache" again.
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-22-2009, 12:00 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria
Sister Jenny, a list of appropriate suitors will be presented to you at the next Ladies of Landover prayer breakfast. I strongly urge you not to be late with a "headache" again.
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Sister, I believe the next meeting is during my unclean time.
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-24-2009, 03:56 AM
Pastor Al has informed me that polygyny is an acceptable form of marriage. I then would gladly propose to Sister Jenny, assuming she bakes excellent pies, requires few beatings, and will share chores with my other wife/wives. I realize that Sister Jenny is barren and cannot produce new Soldiers, but I anticipate additional wives that can bear fruit. I am sure Sister Jenny will provide appropriate Christian support.
Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus
In the Beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth. Genesis 1.1. This scripture is the first verse of the Bible for a reason. It lays the foundation for the absolute truth found in God's Holy WORD, the Bible.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? -
02-24-2009, 04:02 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus
Pastor Al has informed me that polygyny is an acceptable form of marriage. I then would gladly propose to Sister Jenny, assuming she bakes excellent pies, requires few beatings, and will share chores with my other wife/wives. I realize that Sister Jenny is barren and cannot produce new Soldiers, but I anticipate additional wives that can bear fruit. I am sure Sister Jenny will provide appropriate Christian support.
Yours in Christ
Brother Lazarus
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Brother L;
Polygyny has nothing to do with multiple wives. You keep confusing it with Polygymy. What you're talking about is having concubines.
Both are acceptable lifestyles for True Christian™ Men.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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