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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-06-2009, 08:33 PM

Interesting.

Tell me, Rev. Rod, how would you feel about a widow who is a career woman and . . . um . . . barren?

Being widowed and an orphan, I must only marry if I so choose, you see.


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-07-2009, 05:36 PM

if you want a husband who beats his wife in the so called name of some god, you def. came to the right place. these people will all be in hell, theres not a nutjob on this forum that will make it to heaven..

now look what you made me did, go off and pass judgement. oh well never said i was great either, atleast i dont take the words out of context and preach on discipling or whatever you wackjobs call it my wife. people like this give christianity and religion a bad name. people like these are the reason the world is in the shape it is.

idiots

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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-07-2009, 05:58 PM

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Originally Posted by loewengeist View Post
if you want a Husband who beats his wife in the Holy, Righteous Name of God
I do
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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-07-2009, 07:47 PM

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I do
Too bad Loewenbrau isn't a Godly person, Sister!


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-07-2009, 09:09 PM

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if you want a husband who beats his wife in the so called name of some god, you def. came to the right place. these people will all be in hell, theres not a nutjob on this forum that will make it to heaven.
The pact of forgiveness for human frailty that exists between True Christian™ husband and wife is one of the most sacred covenants on Earth.

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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-07-2009, 09:22 PM

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I do


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-07-2009, 10:27 PM

Rev. Rod hasn't replied.

Is it because I have a reputation for ?

Or maybe just because I'm barren . . .


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-07-2009, 10:42 PM

Barren? Might as well marry the Great Gobi!
How do you know sister? Are you certain?


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10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death.
10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-08-2009, 01:20 PM

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Originally Posted by JennyD View Post
Rev. Rod hasn't replied.

Is it because I have a reputation for ?

Or maybe just because I'm barren . . .
This lady has a husband. Maybe you need enhancements.


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Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-08-2009, 01:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
This lady has a husband. Maybe you need enhancements.
Don't the Freehold Laws have a restriction of size 38KJV Pastor?


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-08-2009, 09:10 PM

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Don't the Freehold Laws have a restriction of size 38KJV Pastor?
We used Thumper as the model and I don't quite remember the details. Pastors usually restrict ourselves to conformity checks rather than trying to milk out the details of those sorts of regulations. I do remember 38KJV though.

Interesting story. It all came about when some of the the Ladies of Landover...who are usually not known as nurseries anyway if you follow my drift... tried to keep dear Sister Thumper out of Sunday Services because they said she was a huge distraction....or, rather, a couple of them to the men sitting near her.

Of course it wasn't true. She might have been perceived as a remote distraction to the Pastor ONCE when she sat in the front pew because from the elevated pulpit one could see that she was simply bursting with the love of JESUS swelling in her heart, yes she was! GLORY TO JESUS!

To make a long story short, I forgot a couple of minor parts of my sermon and made one or two silly grammatical errors such as describing JESUS feeding the masses by converting water to wine and giving out 'two huge jugs containing the sweet nectar of life to every man with a'...but then then I clumsily fell forward over the podium. I simply lost my footing. It had nothing to do with Sister Thumper at all!

Anyway, there was some discussion and I believe the ladies' group passed some informal guidelines about the proper attire for church. You'd have to ask in the women's only section. I never go there. In fact I had forgotten the entire incident.


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-09-2009, 02:12 AM

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Anyway, there was some discussion and I believe the ladies' group passed some informal guidelines about the proper attire for church. You'd have to ask in the women's only section. I never go there. In fact I had forgotten the entire incident.
There's a women's section?

Why have I been shut out?

Is it because I'm barren, and cannot be Saved in childbearing? Is it?


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-09-2009, 05:05 PM

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Originally Posted by JennyD View Post
There's a women's section?

Why have I been shut out?

Is it because I'm barren, and cannot be Saved in childbearing? Is it?

We probably forgot to pay the rent of something...? You know how addle brained us women can be.

Anyway, Do Brother Nobar and Sister Cookie have something they'd like to share with us?
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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-09-2009, 05:51 PM

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Anyway, Do Brother Nobar and Sister Cookie have something they'd like to share with us?
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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-09-2009, 07:17 PM

That was YOU???!!!???


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-09-2009, 09:20 PM

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That was YOU???!!!???
Is THAT how your husband had you dress to witness, Cookie?


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-21-2009, 04:41 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
Oh, sister! There you are. Would you mind explaining to that tartish Sister Jenny why she must remember her place and not act all uppity? I'd actually prefer that one of our elderly sisters do it but I haven't seen Sister SUV yet this morning.

YIC
Pastor Al
So it seems a husband is needed for the poor dear now more than ever. When a pastor, who has better things to do, is noticing and worrying about a sister's troubling tendency to feminazism, something must be done.
Sister Jenny, a list of appropriate suitors will be presented to you at the next Ladies of Landover prayer breakfast. I strongly urge you not to be late with a "headache" again.


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1 Timothy 2:13-15 For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.
Bearing my husband's heirs and being SAVED!

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JennyD JennyD is offline
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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-22-2009, 12:00 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria View Post
Sister Jenny, a list of appropriate suitors will be presented to you at the next Ladies of Landover prayer breakfast. I strongly urge you not to be late with a "headache" again.
Sister, I believe the next meeting is during my unclean time.


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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-24-2009, 03:56 AM

Pastor Al has informed me that polygyny is an acceptable form of marriage. I then would gladly propose to Sister Jenny, assuming she bakes excellent pies, requires few beatings, and will share chores with my other wife/wives. I realize that Sister Jenny is barren and cannot produce new Soldiers, but I anticipate additional wives that can bear fruit. I am sure Sister Jenny will provide appropriate Christian support.

Yours in Christ

Brother Lazarus


In the Beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth. Genesis 1.1. This scripture is the first verse of the Bible for a reason. It lays the foundation for the absolute truth found in God's Holy WORD, the Bible.
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Default Re: JennyD needs a husband! Suggestions? - 02-24-2009, 04:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Lazarus View Post
Pastor Al has informed me that polygyny is an acceptable form of marriage. I then would gladly propose to Sister Jenny, assuming she bakes excellent pies, requires few beatings, and will share chores with my other wife/wives. I realize that Sister Jenny is barren and cannot produce new Soldiers, but I anticipate additional wives that can bear fruit. I am sure Sister Jenny will provide appropriate Christian support.

Yours in Christ

Brother Lazarus
Brother L;

Polygyny has nothing to do with multiple wives. You keep confusing it with Polygymy. What you're talking about is having concubines.

Both are acceptable lifestyles for True Christian™ Men.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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