Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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True Christian™
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 09:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by qamarun
There's something off with this sentence... If you have already sinned, isn't it too late to cut your hand off? Aren't you going to Hell anyway?
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Did you eat a bowl of stupid this morning? Which words are you struggling with? It seems straightforward to me. If you cannot control your beastly urges and your hand is causing you to sin, it's better to cut it off than risk the fires of HELL. Of course, it's better to not sin at all, and then you wont have to cut anything off. Sin may be forgiven if you are repentant in your heart of hearts and change your ways NOW!
1Jon. 1
[7] But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
Come to Jesus!
May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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Unsaved trash, Godmocking witch
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Posts: 51
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Location: Mother Earth
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 09:45 PM
I guess the sense of humour is lost on you guys
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 419
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 09:48 PM
You're just very very unfunny. It's like it's intentional.
May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 60
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Wherever my mommy lets me go
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 10:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by qamarun
I guess the sense of humour is lost on you guys
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This thread is full of I am retarded
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 419
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 10:08 PM
Look, this isn't a place for you two homers to get to know each other better.
This is a house of GOD. Show some respect.
May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 60
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Wherever my mommy lets me go
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Hand
Look, this isn't a place for you two homers to get to know each other better.
This is a house of GOD. Show some respect.
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Learn to live and laugh dude. Let people have there opinions
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 419
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 10:26 PM
Well ok then, if you want to giggle like schoolgirls in a serious discussion, I'll leave you to it.
Wake me up when these two second-rate Godmockers have departed.
May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 10:32 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruno
Learn to live and laugh dude. Let people have there opinions
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Do you mean three opinions? Are you like a genie?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 60
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Wherever my mommy lets me go
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-21-2010, 10:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
Do you mean three opinions? Are you like a genie?
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oh look who made a funny..
looks like this place isnt as dry as i thought
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-22-2010, 03:34 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruno
oh look who made a funny..
looks like this place isnt as dry as i thought
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Perhaps we do have a sense of humor, however this forum isn't about just making a few cheep jokes.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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Unsaved trash, Hatian with the AIDS!
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Posts: 173
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-23-2010, 02:56 AM
Wow, so much ex masturbator in that forum. Dont deny the faq that you killed over 600 million human souls. No, its too late, you already killed, you go to hell. Dont pretend that it never happen, we recognize you as an ex masturbator. If ex mastubator are saved, then il make sure to be an ex mastubator for more then a week before my death and il be save too.
Praise Jesus!!!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 327
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Location: Godly South Dakota
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-23-2010, 03:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sidoain
Wow, so much ex masturbator in that forum. Dont deny the faq that you killed over 600 million human souls. No, its too late, you already killed, you go to hell. Dont pretend that it never happen, we recognize you as an ex masturbator. If ex mastubator are saved, then il make sure to be an ex mastubator for more then a week before my death and il be save too.
Praise Jesus!!!
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We were born anew when we became True Christians™.
2 Corinthians 5:16-17: Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more: Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
God will have His day with you.
Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13
Run to the KJV1611!
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Outdoorsman, Hunter, Fisherman, Husband, True Christian™
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-23-2010, 03:37 AM
Is this really the proper thing to be discussing in a Christian forum?
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-23-2010, 03:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BIGs_Boss
Is this really the proper thing to be discussing in a Christian forum?
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no its not, i can't believe how many masturbators are on this site
frankly it has me questioning how many people on here are true Christians.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 419
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
04-23-2010, 03:15 PM
You might want to take a little look at the forum title before you complain:
Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Mother Glendora. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.
May the call of Jihad be forever outshined, outmatched, and outlasted by the The LORD's Crusade, to the end of eternity and the extinction of mortal flesh. Let those who march against it in His name be as giants - pure of heart, strong of body, honored, invulnerable. May those warriors be burning stars in the firmament of battle, angels of death on shining wings, bringing swift annihilation to the enemies of CHRIST. Amen.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
07-15-2010, 05:15 AM
I think we need to have a Pastor go down to Paper Tiger XXX Adult shop on Indian Scalped Road and have an intervention with the men who plan on going in and watching the girls dance and then spilling their seed on the floor. Just imagine all the baby sperm souls just stuck there on the sticky floor and the bottom of Ming perverts shoes!
Someone needs to help these spermie children!
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Is a good, decent True Christian™ lady
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Posts: 11,354
Join Date: May 2010
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
07-15-2010, 06:07 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by qamarun
I guess the sense of humour is lost on you guys
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruno
oh look who made a funny..
looks like this place isnt as dry as i thought
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
Perhaps we do have a sense of humor, however this forum isn't about just making a few cheep jokes.
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Ha. Ha. Ha. You are going to burn eternally in hell. Funny stuff, eh?
There is nothing funny about the threat of hell. We are here, opening our hearts to offer you a glimpse of the Truth as presented in the Bible. The Bible ain't a giggle fest, my friend.
God has many, many things to say in the Bible -- things about Himself and His true nature, things about the nature of mankind and how He would prefer that we behave, and things about what happens after this mortal realm.
An orgasm -(pardon me Brothers for being so painfully frank) can last for a minute or two. The sheer, agonzing pain of burning flame will last forever. The unconceived souls that are virtually pissed away will be screaming besides you. How can you do that to them? How can you throw away the chance to live eternally in the Light of Jesus and instead choose to endure unending scorching, skin-peeling, searing PAIN!?
When the urge to grab your own goods comes over you, light a match and let the flame burn down until it singes your fingers. Imagine that pain magnified a millionfold. You will find your answer. A burnt finger or two -or three-- is better than an abused-- self-abused -- tallywacker and an eternity of engulfing flame--(which is never funny to the engulfee, though perhaps entertaining for any spectators about).
helpfully yours,
Handmaiden
His left hand should be under my head, and his right hand should embrace me.
Guns For God and the Economy
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
09-04-2010, 09:45 PM
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 1
Join Date: Oct 2010
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
10-05-2010, 04:33 AM
Yes. Yes it is. I bet nobody took into account that masturbation is good for your health. I mean really. If it prevents prostate cancer then by all means. Also, you think hell would be full by now. On a side note, don't pin most masturbation on men. 87% of women masturbate. True story. Also, what of those who are Buddhist? Hellenistic pagans? I'm sure not everybody is gonna end up like these guys here: But seriously. was this not in the old testament? And besides. You gotta take into account, when 1 male fires off once, that's millions of sperm. Multiply that but the vast amount of males that do it and how often, I don't think even Hell has that much room.
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True Christian™ Creation Scientist Fisher of Men
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Posts: 6,835
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Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL? -
10-05-2010, 04:52 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarek49
But seriously. was this not in the old testament?
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Yes, self abuse is mentioned very early in the Holy Bible. Read these verses to see what happened when Onan spilled his seed for purposes other than making children.
Genesis 38:7-10
And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife, and marry her, and raise up seed to thy brother.
And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground, lest that he should give seed to his brother.
And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.
II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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