[Lana'i]

Hello, fellow followers of Christ;

I need some help for those far wiser than me--my sister recently went away from college, though she should have been a respectable, good Christian and married. When she came back, she no longer claimed to be a True Christian!

She called the True Christian beliefs all sorts of blasphemous things--'stone age ideals', 'draconian, twisted thoughts', and loving Jesus, Our Savior, was enough to enter the Kingdom of Heaven!

Worse yet...she, Oh Jesus, forgive me for soiling my tongue, brought a girl home... What a twisted harlot! Satan has clearly possessed her! My True Christian parents rightly disowned her, saying they should not have such an abomination under their roof!

I am sick at the very thought of my sister going to Hell! Even though she is shameless idolatress, harlot, and homosexual, I still love her.

Have you wise pastors any advice on how I can convince her to repent her evil ways, and come back to the love of Christ? Though true, saying she is going to hell does not seem like the most productive way!

My parents were in the right of disowning her. God knows that that feminazi should have had a tighter rein on her!

But worse yet, her crisis of faith...became my crisis of faith, I am ashamed to admit. The harlot gave me some athiestic trash to read, by the homosexual Dawkins--the God Delusion. Pah, the athiests are the deluded ones.

But, I have found the LORD again. Women are not equal to men, we must submit and be good pie-baking, child-rearing wives! Please, give me advice so my Harlot Sister will return to the LORD!

[Bob4God]

Well throwing her out of the house and cutting off all contact is a great start. (Ephesians 5:11)

One of the best things you can do is give large sums of money to the Republican party to help outlaw these sinful homosexuals practices, and eventually institute the death penalty for queers.

What I want to know is, what business does a woman have reading books? Do you see what happens when women read?

[HTannor]

First off, Lana'i, I'm sorry to see your family living on or near the poverty line. Obviously your sister was sent off the a publicly owned university.

Had your family had the means, they would have sent her to our very own Landover University located right here in Freehold. Those women admitted to LU learn the real world of femaledom - pleasing their husbands, pie baking, how to grind out little Soldiers of Christ, bush trimming, and making their own clothing using the latest in modesty lines.

But that's in the past. She's gone to good old (fill in the name of the state) University. Which we all know are hotbeds of homerdom. For proof, you need look no further than the bull dyke that she drug along when she returned for a visit. Your sister may be a lost cause.

Even though your sister is probably hopeless, you, clearly, are not. You have found the Lord and have rejected false prophets. You are clearly on the fast track to being a True Christian™. Congratulations.

As a side note: May I congratulate you on your command of our official language - American. And your excellent keyboard skills.

[Lana'i]

Originally Posted by Bob4God

Well throwing her out of the house and cutting off all contact is a great start. (Ephesians 5:11)

One of the best things you can do is give large sums of money to the Republican party to help outlaw these sinful homosexuals practices, and eventually institute the death penalty for queers.

What I want to know is, what business does a woman have reading books? Do you see what happens when women read?

Perhaps it is just Satan deceiving me, but I do miss her, even if she is a whore. I want to save her, to come back to Jesus. She used to be such a good girl.

And though it shames me to admit, I am not a member of the great USA. I live in Canada, a country that allows all sorts of abominations--homosexual marriage, abortion... too many to list. However, when I married to a good Christian husband, we shall immigrate to your glorious country!

As for reading, I shamefully admit I am curious at heart. Before my faith was reaffirmed, I was a horrible sinner who smuggled in books from the library about natural science, feminism, and all kinds of other trash! My father, thankfully, saved my soul by making me burn them. I wish he had installed greater discipline on my sister!

Canada is far too secular--no prayer in school, whores everywhere!

Originally Posted by HTannor

First off, Lana'i, I'm sorry to see your family living on or near the poverty line. Obviously your sister was sent off the a publicly owned university.

Had your family had the means, they would have sent her to our very own Landover University located right here in Freehold. Those women admitted to LU learn the real world of femaledom - pleasing their husbands, pie baking, how to grind out little Soldiers of Christ, bush trimming, and making their own clothing using the latest in modesty lines.

But that's in the past. She's gone to good old (fill in the name of the state) University. Which we all know are hotbeds of homerdom. For proof, you need look no further than the bull dyke that she drug along when she returned for a visit. Your sister may be a lost cause.

Even though your sister is probably hopeless, you, clearly, are not. You have found the Lord and have rejected false prophets. You are clearly on the fast track to being a True Christian™. Congratulations.

As a side note: May I congratulate you on your command of our official language - American. And your excellent keyboard skills.

As stated before, I am shamefully a Canadian. My parents tried to obtain a student visa for the Harlot, but she ran off with her lesbian girlfriend to study bioethics. Unacceptable!

Though you are probably right, I can only hope my sister finds the love of Christ before it is too late.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Well Praise Jesus and welcome to God's favorite forum! It's obvious to me that the Holy Spirit is coursing through your veins.

Please tell us more about yourself (instead of your lezbean whore sister). What church does your daddy take you to? How old are you? What's the best pie you make?

I hope you stick around, even if you are a cannuckistani. With God's help, you may even attract an America husband and get yourself a Godly Green Card.

[Lana'i]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Well Praise Jesus and welcome to God's favorite forum! It's obvious to me that the Holy Spirit is coursing through your veins.

Please tell us more about yourself (instead of your lezbean whore sister). What church does your daddy take you to? How old are you? What's the best pie you make?

I hope you stick around, even if you are a cannuckistani. With God's help, you may even attract an America husband and get yourself a Godly Green Card.

I turned 20 in May, and though pride is a sin, I make a pretty decent raspberry pie. My father and mother take me to a small congregation, Savior's Light, down the block. Unfortunately, in Canada, there are not very many fundamentalists.

As for my sister, I came here for advice. I know she is a whore, but instead of pointing out my faith, can someone help me out?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Lana'i

I turned 20 in May, and though pride is a sin, I make a pretty decent raspberry pie. My father and mother take me to a small congregation, Savior's Light, down the block. Unfortunately, in Canada, there are not very many fundamentalists.

As for my sister, I came here for advice. I know she is a whore, but instead of pointing out my faith, can someone help me out?

Why haven't you sought out help from your own pastor? What is you father doing about it? It sounds to me like he didn't give her enough Godly Christian beatings as she grew up.

This is a man's job little lady. You should be worrying about perfecting your floor scrubbing skills and such. You're going to be an old maid if you don't get married soon. A 20 year old True Christian™ American girl would have 3 Christian babies by now! Leave the lezbean cleansing to the men.

[Lana'i]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Why haven't you sought out help from your own pastor? What is you father doing about it? It sounds to me like he didn't give her enough Godly Christian beatings as she grew up.

This is a man's job little lady. You should be worrying about perfecting your floor scrubbing skills and such. You're going to be an old maid if you don't get married soon. A 20 year old True Christian™ American girl would have 3 Christian babies by now! Leave the lezbean cleansing to the men.

But isn't a pastor supposed to save souls, instead of giving up on them? Though I am woman, ready to serve my husband, I am not an incubator drone who only cooks and cleans. I have wants and dreams, needs and fears. Should I not wait until I find someone who I can truly love, who can raise my future children with love and only a firm hand while necessary?

Besides, my pastor is so full of hate... He never tries to save a person. It is a rare week that his sermons are not full of hatred of one group or another.

Jesus, will you now condemn me for daring to think?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Lanai, I don't know what church you go to, but it sounds like they are fostering some kind of uppity feminazi thought in you. Maybe your sister rubbed off on you. Or maybe....your "sister" is really you?

Now, dreams and wishes are foolish notions for women. Their role is outlined strictly in the Bible. Are you so defiant and arrogant to assume that you know what's best for you instead of God?

1st Timothy 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
1st Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
1st Timothy 2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
1st Timothy 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
1st Timothy 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

God is telling you right their to keep your mouth shut (see what problems you cause when you open it?). He also says you should not teach nor have authority over men. And 1 Tim 2:15 tells you that childbearing is what you are expected to do.

Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

There's what you're supposed to do right there. I don't see "dreams" or "wishes" in there anywhere. Be sober, love your husbands and kids, be a housekeeper, be obedient, etc.

Young lady, perhaps you are in dire need of some private Bible study and pastoral counseling that I offer especially for young women such as you. I would hate to see a young soul such as yours get damned to Hellfire for eternity because of some feminist thinking.

[Lana'i]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

Lanai, I don't know what church you go to, but it sounds like they are fostering some kind of uppity feminazi thought in you. Maybe your sister rubbed off on you. Or maybe....your "sister" is really you?

Now, dreams and wishes are foolish notions for women. Their role is outlined strictly in the Bible. Are you so defiant and arrogant to assume that you know what's best for you instead of God?

1st Timothy 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
1st Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.
1st Timothy 2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.
1st Timothy 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
1st Timothy 2:15 Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

God is telling you right their to keep your mouth shut (see what problems you cause when you open it?). He also says you should not teach nor have authority over men. And 1 Tim 2:15 tells you that childbearing is what you are expected to do.

Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

There's what you're supposed to do right there. I don't see "dreams" or "wishes" in there anywhere. Be sober, love your husbands and kids, be a housekeeper, be obedient, etc.

Young lady, perhaps you are in dire need of some private Bible study and pastoral counseling that I offer especially for young women such as you. I would hate to see a young soul such as yours get damned to Hellfire for eternity because of some feminist thinking.

I apologize for my bold words, Pastor. No, "my sister" is not me. I think...I think I envy her freedom. She doesn't suffer from constant fear of hell, her mind is her own, she can live the life she wants to lead. Before my father beat me into the position of a Christian, I suppose my sister's sense of reckless abandonment was attractive.

The wild spirit in me, the sinful human nature, wants to be free. But the sense of freedom I crave, is the type of freedom Eve craved--and we all know how that ended up. I think...I think I need to read the Bible again, and remind myself I am not equal to a man. Any stray, errant thought is Satan tempting me.

Perhaps Satan has deceived my mind into thinking I have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But happiness...happiness is found in the kitchen, correct, with Little Soldiers pulling at your skirts asking for pie?

Your personal counseling sounds interesting, Father, but why only ages 18-24, if I may be so bold? Doesn't everyone need saving?

[Robert Hutchins]

Originally Posted by Lana'i

But isn't a pastor supposed to save souls, instead of giving up on them? Though I am woman, ready to serve my husband, I am not an incubator drone who only cooks and cleans. I have wants and dreams, needs and fears. Should I not wait until I find someone who I can truly love, who can raise my future children with love and only a firm hand while necessary?

Besides, my pastor is so full of hate... He never tries to save a person. It is a rare week that his sermons are not full of hatred of one group or another.

Jesus, will you now condemn me for daring to think?

A women who cooks, cleans, and pops out Holy babies isn't a drone. In fact, women who have "desires" to leave the home are the drones. Brainwashed by the false idea that they actually control their own lives, they will find a quick trip to Hell. A women should listen only to her Pastor, and her husband. If unmarried, then her father instead of spouse. It's still debated some places whether or not women actually have souls. I think they do, they just can't succeed until they learn their place. The kitchen.

[Lana'i]

Originally Posted by Robert Hutchins

A women who cooks, cleans, and pops out Holy babies isn't a drone. In fact, women who have "desires" to leave the home are the drones. Brainwashed by the false idea that they actually control their own lives, they will find a quick trip to Hell. A women should listen only to her Pastor, and her husband. If unmarried, then her father instead of spouse. It's still debated some places whether or not women actually have souls. I think they do, they just can't succeed until they learn their place. The kitchen.

When I responded to the Pastor, I admitted in a way I was jealous of the freedom my sister has. However, even though this is sinful, dangerous thinking, if the positions were reversed, would you grow weary of being told your only purpose was to submit, serve, and populate?

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Originally Posted by Lana'i

Perhaps Satan has deceived my mind into thinking I have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But happiness...happiness is found in the kitchen, correct, with Little Soldiers pulling at your skirts asking for pie?

Exactly. Satan will entice you in any way he can to bring you to the dark side. Much of what happens in life is a test; perhaps God allowed your dyke sister to come home as a test to see if you were a strong enough Christian lady? While her freedom and happiness may be apparent now, just wait years down the line when she finds herself working the streets of downtown Toronto, servicing 60 year old married men, so she can get her heroin fix. That is what "freedom" does to you. It chains you to a life of misery.

Your personal counseling sounds interesting, Father, but why only ages 18-24, if I may be so bold? Doesn't everyone need saving?

I am not a "Father". I am not a ring-kissing pedophile priest, ok? And, I think you just answered your own question. Women age 18-24 are some of the most confused people on earth. They have come of age and are tempted by many of the same things you are. They want to have "careers" and go out and have wild orgies with numerous men (and women), and get pregnant just so they can have abortions. I realize women age 18-24 have it very tough and there's not enough ministries devoted to helping them, that is why I took up the burden of doing so in the name of Jesus Christ.

[Lana'i]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

Exactly. Satan will entice you in any way he can to bring you to the dark side. Much of what happens in life is a test; perhaps God allowed your dyke sister to come home as a test to see if you were a strong enough Christian lady? While her freedom and happiness may be apparent now, just wait years down the line when she finds herself working the streets of downtown Toronto, servicing 60 year old married men, so she can get her heroin fix. That is what "freedom" does to you. It chains you to a life of misery.



I am not a "Father". I am not a ring-kissing pedophile priest, ok? And, I think you just answered your own question. Women age 18-24 are some of the most confused people on earth. They have come of age and are tempted by many of the same things you are. They want to have "careers" and go out and have wild orgies with numerous men (and women), and get pregnant just so they can have abortions. I realize women age 18-24 have it very tough and there's not enough ministries devoted to helping them, that is why I took up the burden of doing so in the name of Jesus Christ.

Sorry for calling you 'Father', I did not mean to offend. At the congregation my father takes me to, the minister is called father. Would Pastor be a sufficient title?

Truly, do some harlots go out to get pregnant with the express intent of only murdering the poor child? Jesus have mercy on them.

I commend you for your good work--I suppose you have seen much more depraved cases than mine?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Lana'i

Sorry for calling you 'Father', I did not mean to offend. At the congregation my father takes me to, the minister is called father. Would Pastor be a sufficient title?

Okay, you're pulling our leg, right? You attend a "church" where they have a "father" who is "hateful" and you have your own selfish "dreams and fears?" Do you take us for rubes young lady?

You're making this whole story up, aren't you. You're another Mary worshiping Catholic lezbean, aren't you. This isn't at all about your "sister" is it! It's about you.

This ain't our first rodeo, girl. Time to come clean for Christ.

[Lana'i]

I am, good sir, a troll. I am sure you have seen many of my fellow trolls. I found this site, and all laughed at your flagrant stupidity. You're all a bunch of hatemongers, brainwashed by a 2000-year-old book with a very questionable history. Go ahead and spout your hate-filled, opressive scripture calling me a lezzie, a harlot, and what have you. Reverend's 'personal counseling' just screams sex scheme, and you, dear Pastor Ezekiel, are the most hateful pig Ive met. Go and oppress your wives, poor repressed things.

I wish you all luck in your hate-filled, bitter lives. But keep your filthy, bigoted claws out of my uterus and sexuality.

Off to a massive orgy and to sacrifice some virgins,

Lana'i

which is pineapple in hawaiian

[Nobar King]

Originally Posted by Lana'i

Off to a massive orgy and to sacrifice some virgins,

Lana'i

which is pineapple in hawaiian

You're too ugly to find two people that would be willing to sex you up at the same time. It'll never happen.