Satan's Entertainment Discussion for Movies/TV/Music/Video Games/Pop Culture. How HELLY-wood is destroying our society and parents can learn to protect their children from sinful influences like Disney, Pacman, and Tic-Tac-Toe. |
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
11-07-2014, 02:46 AM
The Lion King
As the sun rises on the pride lands, King Mufasa gathers all the wild animals together to witness the anointing of his cub and heir, Simba. Rafiki the baboon struts up to the cub to perform the blessing, and without warning is hit directly in the chest by a rocket propelled grenade, instantly transforming him and young Simba into a confetti of flesh, gristle and bone.
The onlooking animals bolt in terror, but they are quickly mowed down by the heavy guns of several Apache Attack Helicopters, which are emblazoned in military stencil with the words "Genesis 1:28", that seem to appear from nowhere.
"King" Mufasa, coward that he is, flees the massacre without a backward glance. He eludes justice for nearly a week, but is ultimately dispatched by a Reaper Drone armed with Hellfire missiles.
The End
Moral of this story:
There is only one King, and His name is JESUS. He sure as hell isn't going to play second fiddle to some damned cat!
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
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Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
11-07-2014, 05:39 PM
Raise the Red Lantern:
The third wife is still executed for adultery, but so is her doctor boyfriend (Leviticus 20:10). The second wife and the maid are executed for witchcraft (Exodus 22:18). The fourth wife still realizes that each woman is merely a "robe" that the master may wear and discard at his discretion, but also realizes that that's just what God wants (Ephesians 5:22).
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
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Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-14-2014, 04:21 AM
Miracle on 34th Street
A foul smelling old man who believes he is Santa Claus is proven beyond the shadow of a reasonable doubt in a court of law that he is just some random bum with schizophrenia, and is being puppeteered by lucifer in a vain attempt to ruin Baby Jesus' birthday. "Santa", upon hearing the verdict, grabs the bailiff's gun and shoots his lawyer in the head. The old man is subdued, shackled in irons and taken to a facility for the criminally insane and given a prefrontal lobotomy.
Later the same day, Jesus returns as promised, and through the zeal of His (ironically) Joo lawyer, He is proven to be the Son of God, God Himself, and the Savior of all mankind. He then fulfills prophecy by destroying the planet.
The End
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 58
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: South America (I know you hate it, but I don't care)
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-18-2014, 08:51 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Titus Templeton
I would rewrite the Titanic movie so that the only ones survive are Christians.
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That movie is based in true events, if you change it, it wouldn't be true anymore
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-19-2014, 01:48 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunsetShimmer
That movie is based in true events, if you change it, it wouldn't be true anymore
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Do you actually think that the Titanic movie represents history accurately? Think again, sweetie.
Back to the subject:
The Theory of Everything, 2014
When Stephen is diagnosed with the motor neuron disease, Jane realizes that it is a punishement from God. She knows that if Stephen is born again, God will miraculously cure the disease. She begs Stephen to repent and accept Jesus. However, Stephen keeps to mock God with his atheism and cosmology (which isn't even a real science). He dies in pain within two years of the diagnosis and goes straight to Hell.
Jane never gets married with Stephen, doesn't meet Jonathan, but instead marries a Baptist Pastor, and fulfills her role as a woman by giving birth to seven healthy sons and an undetermined amount of daughters. Naturally, her husband does not allow her to pursue her Ph.D. in Spanish medieval poetry, as woman's place is at home, and not at a university.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 58
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: South America (I know you hate it, but I don't care)
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-19-2014, 06:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
Do you actually think that the Titanic movie represents history accurately? Think again, sweetie.
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How curious, I was gonna ask you the same thing about Bible, that thing is just a recopilation of stupid stories from the imagination of lots of probably drunk men, is not History
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-19-2014, 06:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunsetShimmer
How curious, I was gonna ask you the same thing about Bible, that thing is just a recopilation of stupid stories from the imagination of lots of probably drunk men, is not History
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My dear, 1/3 of human population today (and billions of people who lived over thousands of years) believe Bible to be inspired by God. Can you show me any people claiming that Titanic movie was inspired by God?
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 58
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Location: South America (I know you hate it, but I don't care)
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-19-2014, 07:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa
My dear, 1/3 of human population today (and billions of people who lived over thousands of years) believe Bible to be inspired by God. Can you show me any people claiming that Titanic movie was inspired by God?
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Why everything must be inspired by God? After all you don't see him, the only thing you see is the devil, you see perversion everywhere and in everyone, you don't see beauty
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-19-2014, 07:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunsetShimmer
Why everything must be inspired by God? After all you don't see him, the only thing you see is the devil, you see perversion everywhere and in everyone, you don't see beauty
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Says who? Please be specific. Making up lies and slandering the good name of True Christians™ will not be tolerated.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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South of the Border outreach program True Christian™
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Posts: 13,142
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Godly Midwest
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-19-2014, 07:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by SunsetShimmer
Why everything must be inspired by God? After all you don't see him,
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I don't understand your logic.
1) You said that Bible was just "stupid stories" (your words, not mine).
2) The Bible is the only source of our knowledge about God.
3) We preach the Bible all the time.
Therefore, we see God in all His splendor, while you have nothing - no evidence of God's will, no evidence of His existence.
Quote:
the only thing you see is the devil, you see perversion everywhere and in everyone, you don't see beauty
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The devil can only exist if God exists. Therefore, by acknowledging the existence of the devil we acknowledge the existence of God.
And we see beauty all over God's Word! That's why we are so eager to share the Holy Bible with everybody!
I hope that helps.
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
True Christian™
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
12-20-2014, 07:43 PM
Braveheart.
At the end when William Wallace is tortured in front of the crowd someone starts to scream "You have no authority to torture this man!".
In that moment a True Christian™ pastor walks up and takes the torture stick away from the executioner. Then the Pastor says:" Glory! Now this man will be send to hell by a real Christian." After these words the Pastor starts to disembowel Wallace.
Shortly after the Pastor finished his bloody work and Wallace made his last scream the Pastor looks up to the crowd:" The king's son, Prince Edward is a homosexual bring him here so we can stone him!"
The last moment of the movie shows the crowd throwing stones at Prince Edward.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-04-2015, 05:54 AM
8mm
A True Christian™ private investigator is on the hunt for an alleged "madman" who is making snuff films in which young women are brutally slain while being filmed. Finally, he tracks the "murderer" back to his lair, where he discovers relevant scriptures from Leviticus and Deuteronomy scrawled in blood all over the walls.
The Holy Spirit immediately makes it clear to the detective that all the so-called victims were in fact lesbians, and were righteously dispatched in the line of duty by a leather-masked Christian Soldier who simply wanted to document the enforcement of Biblical law to show his seven young children during their homeschooling lessons.
The detective apologizes profusely for harassing the man, begs Christ's forgiveness, goes home after stopping for a mocha latte and a bear claw, and sleeps more fitfully that night then he has in the last ten years. The End.
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Senior Pastor Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™ Always Biblically correct
True Christian™
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Posts: 10,667
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-04-2015, 04:15 PM
The Time Machine (1960):
One of the three books that George takes with him is the King James Bible. Since becoming as little children (Matthew 18:2-4) comes naturally to the Eloi, they are saved. The remaining Morlocks dismiss the Bible as simplistic (1 Corinthians 1:23) and end up in hell.
This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.
Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance
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Confirmed Enemy of God
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 58
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Location: South America (I know you hate it, but I don't care)
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-05-2015, 04:44 AM
Ok, there goes a question for you... what kind of ending would you give to "Beetlejuice: the movie"? I'm a bit curious to read your opinions
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-05-2015, 05:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OverlyAttachedJaviera
Ok, there goes a question for you... what kind of ending would you give to "Beetlejuice: the movie"? I'm a bit curious to read your opinions
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Hello OverlyAttachedJaviera.
I have not seen that movie they were popular when I was in Vietnam but their hair was too long I used an M60 machine gun that I fired through the open door of a helicopter you could cut a tree down if you had enough ammunition we had a lot of ammunition.
Thank you.
Rusty
Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-05-2015, 05:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OverlyAttachedJaviera
Ok, there goes a question for you... what kind of ending would you give to "Beetlejuice: the movie"? I'm a bit curious to read your opinions
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I don't usually do requests, but:
Beetle Juice
A teenaged gothic slut summons demons in the attic of her parents' new home. Her Christian father, upon becoming aware of her hijinks, drags her kicking and screaming to the town square, douses her with high-octane gasoline and sets her on fire.
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Confirmed Enemy of God
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Posts: 58
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: South America (I know you hate it, but I don't care)
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-05-2015, 05:46 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer
I don't usually do requests, but:
Beetle Juice
A teenaged gothic slut summons demons in the attic of her parents' new home. Her Christian father, upon becoming aware of her hijinks, drags her kicking and screaming to the town square, douses her with high-octane gasoline and sets her on fire.
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Wow... ok, thanks!
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Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-05-2015, 07:03 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by OverlyAttachedJaviera
Wow... ok, thanks!
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Javiera, I had been looking for you! I was missing you and awaiting to hear your response to my post here: http://http://www.landoverbaptist.ne...=103289&page=4. You know it is godly to be prompt and polite. 1 Peter 2:17
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 609
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Location: Forrest Park, Memphis
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-09-2015, 09:00 AM
Here are a few story tweaks that would make movies and series Godly:
Fringe: The Fringe Division is a subsidiary to the U.S. Department of Family Values, investigating fringe fetishes and cults instead of "fringe events". The "pattern" is a plot by the Antichrist. Observers are autistic technocrats.
Harry Potter: The U.S. Department of Family Values puts Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry under investigation. Teachers and students who participates in witchcraft are imprisoned in Azkaban and the school is temporary closed. The Death Eaters are defeated by Christian methods and not witchcraft. The school is eventually reopened, with the conservative teacher Umbridge as headmaster. Hermione gets a good spanking for questioning her authority. She is however spared from the Bellatrix rape.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: Movies that would be Godly if given TC™ Alternative Endings -
01-22-2015, 07:02 AM
The Neverending Story
A recalcitrant atheist schoolboy, who has refused to respond to the constructive bullying of his True Christian classmates, finds himself locked in a public school after hours. He sneaks into the attic and begins reading a book other than the Bible KJV. Halfway into the unholy manuscript, God sends forth a raging thunderstorm of vengeance. The child is so transfixed by the devilish text that he doesn't even take notice when a piece of windblown debris smashes through the window. He is still reading when Jesus hurls a lightning bolt straight into his slack jawed piehole and out his rectum, stopping his heart and sending him directly to hell. The End.
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