Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > General Church Fellowship
Reload this Page Happy Birthday Jesus!
General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#21)
Old
Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation Alan Swallows is offline
Preserving Freehold's dead for Christ's return

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Christian Love True Christian™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College TC Bravery Ready for the Rapture Real American™ Early riser Ex-eurotrash The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Alternative Facts Saved 1 Year Proud Team Fortress Denier

 
Posts: 263
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: On my knees before Jesus
Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Alan Swallows will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2015, 02:24 AM

Happy birthday, Lord Jesus! My wife made you a cake with 2,015 candles! If You want a slice, You'll have to come down in the flesh (Revelation 22:20) *hint*hint* Otherwise me and my family will just have to eat the whole thing by ourselves.

Reply With Quote
(#22)
Old
Jesus's Avatar
Jesus Jesus is offline
The Truest Christian™
 

Best Mullet True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Touched by Jesus Nuke of Heaven Porn Resistant Ex-liberal Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Wrath of God Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Proud TP Rebuker for Christ ex-sheep-shagger Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the LifeJesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2015, 04:49 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
A very Happy Birthday! I wrote a poem for You, Lord!

On a night in December in Bethlehem's town,
Not Pennsylvania of course, cause that one's run down,
You came so one day you could wear a thorny crown.
I bet that hurt bad, and made you so sad,
And ruined your cloak and your gown.

But no homo Lord, I love You for all that You've done,
No homo Lord, You are my main man
No homo, Lord, I know as sure as the sun,
I will reach out and hold Your sweet hand.

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

PS: One of the gifts You gave me was poetry, obviously. Thank You.
Did I?



Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post




Miss Daisy, you ae one of the finest specimens of female True Christianity™ that I have ever created. And I've created some very fine examples of womanhood. You just keep on Praising my name and servicing Pastor Ezekiel as he needs, and you will find yourself splattered in Blessings.



Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
God, thank you for being you, perfect© in every way.
You are quite welcome, James. Thank you for noticing.

It won't be much longer, sir. I've got a place at my table for you, and an ice cold beer waiting for you. You've earned your reward by being a Righteous True Christian™, and through your robust Tithing to LBC.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Happy Birthday, Jesus! I love you so much! I love you SO MUCH! I think of you All. The. Time! I daydream about you standing with me and keeping me company as I do my chores around the kitchen. In my mind, you're with me while I wash the pots and pans and chop the vegetables for the evening meal. You don't complain about what's for supper, and you don't care that I had to use the potatoes twice, even though they didn't didn't taste fresh, and they were old enough to have to pluck out the eyes in the first place. Also, in my imagination, you don't laugh at or sigh at my questions, but you answer them seriously because you take me seriously, and I want to thank you for that. Even though it's just my imagination, I think somehow the Holy Ghost has put those images in my head, otherwise I don't think I could know you as intimately and profoundly as I do. You speak to me in my thoughts and You speak to me through my Bible. It's like You wrote it with Me in mind all those centuries ago. I love You and I want you to know that I am ever so grateful for everything You've ever done for me, even if at the time it brought me to tears and I wished I was dead and I lost every friend I ever had and felt so terrible about myself, but I think that was Your point - to give me the gift of Humility. So Thank You! I LOVE You So Much!!!
tl;dr

You may show me your gratitude by servicing your godly husband as He sees fit. You think about yourself way too much, girl.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows View Post
Happy birthday, Lord Jesus! My wife made you a cake with 2,015 candles! If You want a slice, You'll have to come down in the flesh (Revelation 22:20) *hint*hint* Otherwise me and my family will just have to eat the whole thing by ourselves.


You think I make personal appearances for cake? Are you serious? You need to step up your Love Offerings to Landover Baptist Church, and I don't mean maybe.


Blessed is Me.
Reply With Quote
(#23)
Old
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson's Avatar
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Friend of Jesus Heaven Bound Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Prayer Warrior Best stoning bucket A for Effort One Year/1000 posts Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Mission to Messico 2015 Witch Hunt Award

 
Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson is veritably a saint destined for a place in Heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2015, 09:16 AM

Happy birthday Jesus, to my precious Lord and Savior! Thank you for blessing us with your temporary death, and for my husband and two sons! I praise you for all you have done for me.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson


"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
Reply With Quote
(#24)
Old
Faith_Machine's Avatar
Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™

True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Porn Resistant True Republican The Lord’s Witness Wound Pro-Life Ex-liberal Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Flat Earth Tell her once Guns, Guts and GLORY! Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior TC Bravery True Christian Hotrodder Tagging for Jesus Paula Deen Negro Support Group Early riser Touched by Jesus 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mission to Korea Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Sheep Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Chili Chemtrail

 
Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Faith_Machine will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2015, 09:31 AM

A belated happy birthday to you, Lord Jesus.

As You know, my birthday was just a couple of days ago. I was thinking, if you wanted to give me a late birthday present, maybe I would continue to pray for a Ted Cruz presidency and you could give me some sign that it's definitely going to happen?


I've just been a nervous wreck lately. It's not that I don't have faith; it's just that the thought of Clinton or Sanders winning is giving me nightmares.


Give me a sign, O Lord!


WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
Reply With Quote
(#25)
Old
Rabbi Goldschlitz's Avatar
Rabbi Goldschlitz Rabbi Goldschlitz is offline
Unsaved trash, Christ-killing heeb
Under Investigation
 
Posts: 16
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Godless Cannuckistan
Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rabbi Goldschlitz is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 01-04-2016, 01:43 AM

Lest we all celebrate the 8 wonderful days oh Hanakuh that passed in early December. Shalom to you all, my Christian friends


oi vey, no love here
Reply With Quote
(#26)
Old
Zechariah Smyth's Avatar
Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is offline
Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Tell her once Flat Earth Real American™ True Christian™ Christian Love The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Porn Resistant Persecuted Pro-Life Teabag Patriot 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Ex-Gay Eats the Most Pork Saved 1 Year True Republican 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Babysitter Gunfest '14 Stamp of Approval Anti-sodomy Pancake Dinner Vickers Pastor Ezekiel Heaven Bound TC Bravery The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Cup of Jesus Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Life

 
Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 01-04-2016, 02:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbi Goldschlitz View Post
Lest we all celebrate the 8 wonderful days oh Hanakuh that passed in early December. Shalom to you all, my Christian friends
Where is "hanakuh" mentioned in the KJV Bible?

Book, chapter, verse.


Reply With Quote
(#27)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Saved 10 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Mission to the Philippines Clorox Cured Me QAnon Storm Chaser Anti-Biden British Royalty

 
Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 01-04-2016, 03:21 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbi Goldschlitz View Post
Lest we all celebrate the 8 wonderful days oh Hanakuh that passed in early December. Shalom to you all, my Christian friends
I was certain that I had banned you, Moishe. Don't you have some fish to gefilte?


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#28)
Old
Jim Farmer's Avatar
Jim Farmer Jim Farmer is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Tell her once True Christian Caucasian True Christian™ Christian Love Heaven Bound Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus Kangi 2014 Witch Hunt Award 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Mower Persecuted Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Hands Off Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts Super Soaker Baptism Award Pastor Ezekiel

 
Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jim Farmer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 01-04-2016, 11:42 AM

Hey Jesus, Happy belated birthday. Sorry I forgot about it at the time, but I was off on a hunting trip with my mate Murray. We spent some wonderful nights and days together out in the woods and time just got away from us. When we returned home, I was scolded by my wife for not giving her some stinky perfume stuff for Christmas. It was then that I remembered you and your birthday. How can I make it up to you? Maybe you'd like to come with Murray and me on our next hunting trip?


Reply With Quote
(#29)
Old
Esther B. Esther B. is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Quiverful

 
Posts: 582
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Under the watchful eye of my husband
Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.Esther B. has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2016, 03:21 AM

Happy, happy birthday, Jesus! I hope it was wonderful! I usually bake You a cake for Your birthday, but i didn't because Your father said in Leviticus 23:3 that working on the Sabbath is forbidden and I don't want to offend Him and possibly ruin Your birthday.


And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
Reply With Quote
(#30)
Old
Michael Hezekiah Esq's Avatar
Michael Hezekiah Esq Michael Hezekiah Esq is offline
Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
 

Christ-Killer Potty mouth Democrat Homer Bleeding heart liebral Sinner Caution - Poster is Crazy Caution - Poster is on Drugs

 
Posts: 258
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NYC LA SFCA
Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Cool Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2016, 03:34 AM

Ms. B:


You would have been fine, since the Sabbath actually falls on Saturday, not Sunday. Of course, Jesus is dead so it wouldn't make a difference anyway. The Romans killed him quite some time ago because he wouldn't lay low and let the king be the king.


When Messiah comes, all of this will be made clear to you. Why not call a local Rabbi and speak to him? We welcome converts to Judaism, and you'd be a fool to not want to be one of G_d's chosen people.


Happy Hanukkah! May your dreidel always land on gimel!


A half truth is a whole lie.
Reply With Quote
(#31)
Old
Brother Harold Porter's Avatar
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
Landover Senior Outreach
Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Bronze Tither True Scientist™ True Christian Hotrodder Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ Friend of Jesus Ex-Gay Flat Earth One Year/1000 posts Ex-liberal Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Provider™ award Punched the most queers Tagging for Jesus Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork True Republican Early riser Teabag Patriot Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Saved 5 Years 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Stamp of Approval The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Public Awareness Medal Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Wall of Jesus Alternative Facts BFF of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Asked questions later Trump of GOD True Heterosexual™

 
Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2016, 03:35 AM

Jesus, only YOU have kept the gay away and made me a fag-free and new man.

There would have been no chance that I could have abandoned my decision to bury my man-steel in a rectum without your help!

I knew when I did it, that it was wrong. But I was hoping you weren't looking.

When I had sissies pinned down in public restrooms? Groups of strange men in homeless shelters? Spring groupings in the bushes, with so much violent thrusting? The ejaculations that could have come from a fire hydrant? The mess that we left as we hated you?

Thank you and Happy Birthday. I know you went through a lot, but it was worth it to save the likes of me.

Happy Birthday!

Always in Him


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

Reply With Quote
(#32)
Old
Michael Hezekiah Esq's Avatar
Michael Hezekiah Esq Michael Hezekiah Esq is offline
Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
 

Christ-Killer Potty mouth Democrat Homer Bleeding heart liebral Sinner Caution - Poster is Crazy Caution - Poster is on Drugs

 
Posts: 258
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NYC LA SFCA
Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Michael Hezekiah Esq is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Cool Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! - 12-26-2016, 03:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter View Post
Jesus, only YOU have kept the gay away and made me a fag-free and new man.

There would have been no chance that I could have abandoned my decision to bury my man-steel in a rectum without your help!

I knew when I did it, that it was wrong. But I was hoping you weren't looking.

When I had sissies pinned down in public restrooms? Groups of strange men in homeless shelters? Spring groupings in the bushes, with so much violent thrusting? The ejaculations that could have come from a fire hydrant? The mess that we left as we hated you?

Thank you and Happy Birthday. I know you went through a lot, but it was worth it to save the likes of me.

Happy Birthday!

Always in Him

So, Sister Porter - well, at least on Fridays at the bar near the gates of Freehold - how was that guy you left with? Did you enjoy the gay yuletide together?


Ho Ho Ho!


A half truth is a whole lie.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved