General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
Preserving Freehold's dead for Christ's return
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Posts: 263
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: On my knees before Jesus
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2015, 02:24 AM
Happy birthday, Lord Jesus! My wife made you a cake with 2,015 candles! If You want a slice, You'll have to come down in the flesh (Revelation 22:20) *hint*hint* Otherwise me and my family will just have to eat the whole thing by ourselves.
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The Truest Christian™
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Posts: 269
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Heaven
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2015, 04:49 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry
A very Happy Birthday! I wrote a poem for You, Lord!
On a night in December in Bethlehem's town,
Not Pennsylvania of course, cause that one's run down,
You came so one day you could wear a thorny crown.
I bet that hurt bad, and made you so sad,
And ruined your cloak and your gown.
But no homo Lord, I love You for all that You've done,
No homo Lord, You are my main man
No homo, Lord, I know as sure as the sun,
I will reach out and hold Your sweet hand.
COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry
PS: One of the gifts You gave me was poetry, obviously. Thank You.
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Did I?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
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Miss Daisy, you ae one of the finest specimens of female True Christianity™ that I have ever created. And I've created some very fine examples of womanhood. You just keep on Praising my name and servicing Pastor Ezekiel as he needs, and you will find yourself splattered in Blessings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins
God, thank you for being you, perfect© in every way.
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You are quite welcome, James. Thank you for noticing.
It won't be much longer, sir. I've got a place at my table for you, and an ice cold beer waiting for you. You've earned your reward by being a Righteous True Christian™, and through your robust Tithing to LBC.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Happy Birthday, Jesus! I love you so much! I love you SO MUCH! I think of you All. The. Time! I daydream about you standing with me and keeping me company as I do my chores around the kitchen. In my mind, you're with me while I wash the pots and pans and chop the vegetables for the evening meal. You don't complain about what's for supper, and you don't care that I had to use the potatoes twice, even though they didn't didn't taste fresh, and they were old enough to have to pluck out the eyes in the first place. Also, in my imagination, you don't laugh at or sigh at my questions, but you answer them seriously because you take me seriously, and I want to thank you for that. Even though it's just my imagination, I think somehow the Holy Ghost has put those images in my head, otherwise I don't think I could know you as intimately and profoundly as I do. You speak to me in my thoughts and You speak to me through my Bible. It's like You wrote it with Me in mind all those centuries ago. I love You and I want you to know that I am ever so grateful for everything You've ever done for me, even if at the time it brought me to tears and I wished I was dead and I lost every friend I ever had and felt so terrible about myself, but I think that was Your point - to give me the gift of Humility. So Thank You! I LOVE You So Much!!!
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tl;dr
You may show me your gratitude by servicing your godly husband as He sees fit. You think about yourself way too much, girl.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Swallows
Happy birthday, Lord Jesus! My wife made you a cake with 2,015 candles! If You want a slice, You'll have to come down in the flesh (Revelation 22:20) *hint*hint* Otherwise me and my family will just have to eat the whole thing by ourselves.
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You think I make personal appearances for cake? Are you serious? You need to step up your Love Offerings to Landover Baptist Church, and I don't mean maybe.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 1,330
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: In the kitchen
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2015, 09:16 AM
Happy birthday Jesus, to my precious Lord and Savior! Thank you for blessing us with your temporary death, and for my husband and two sons! I praise you for all you have done for me.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson
"Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands." Proverbs 14:1
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,980
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2015, 09:31 AM
A belated happy birthday to you, Lord Jesus.
As You know, my birthday was just a couple of days ago. I was thinking, if you wanted to give me a late birthday present, maybe I would continue to pray for a Ted Cruz presidency and you could give me some sign that it's definitely going to happen?
I've just been a nervous wreck lately. It's not that I don't have faith; it's just that the thought of Clinton or Sanders winning is giving me nightmares.
Give me a sign, O Lord!
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Unsaved trash, Christ-killing heeb
Under Investigation
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Posts: 16
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Godless Cannuckistan
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
01-04-2016, 01:43 AM
Lest we all celebrate the 8 wonderful days oh Hanakuh that passed in early December. Shalom to you all, my Christian friends
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
01-04-2016, 02:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbi Goldschlitz
Lest we all celebrate the 8 wonderful days oh Hanakuh that passed in early December. Shalom to you all, my Christian friends
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Where is "hanakuh" mentioned in the KJV Bible?
Book, chapter, verse.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
01-04-2016, 03:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rabbi Goldschlitz
Lest we all celebrate the 8 wonderful days oh Hanakuh that passed in early December. Shalom to you all, my Christian friends
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I was certain that I had banned you, Moishe. Don't you have some fish to gefilte?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
01-04-2016, 11:42 AM
Hey Jesus, Happy belated birthday. Sorry I forgot about it at the time, but I was off on a hunting trip with my mate Murray. We spent some wonderful nights and days together out in the woods and time just got away from us. When we returned home, I was scolded by my wife for not giving her some stinky perfume stuff for Christmas. It was then that I remembered you and your birthday. How can I make it up to you? Maybe you'd like to come with Murray and me on our next hunting trip?
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 582
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Under the watchful eye of my husband
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2016, 03:21 AM
Happy, happy birthday, Jesus! I hope it was wonderful! I usually bake You a cake for Your birthday, but i didn't because Your father said in Leviticus 23:3 that working on the Sabbath is forbidden and I don't want to offend Him and possibly ruin Your birthday.
And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
Deuteronomy 6.5
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Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
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Posts: 258
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NYC LA SFCA
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2016, 03:34 AM
Ms. B:
You would have been fine, since the Sabbath actually falls on Saturday, not Sunday. Of course, Jesus is dead so it wouldn't make a difference anyway. The Romans killed him quite some time ago because he wouldn't lay low and let the king be the king.
When Messiah comes, all of this will be made clear to you. Why not call a local Rabbi and speak to him? We welcome converts to Judaism, and you'd be a fool to not want to be one of G_d's chosen people.
Happy Hanukkah! May your dreidel always land on gimel!
A half truth is a whole lie.
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Landover Senior Outreach Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,237
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2016, 03:35 AM
Jesus, only YOU have kept the gay away and made me a fag-free and new man.
There would have been no chance that I could have abandoned my decision to bury my man-steel in a rectum without your help!
I knew when I did it, that it was wrong. But I was hoping you weren't looking.
When I had sissies pinned down in public restrooms? Groups of strange men in homeless shelters? Spring groupings in the bushes, with so much violent thrusting? The ejaculations that could have come from a fire hydrant? The mess that we left as we hated you?
Thank you and Happy Birthday. I know you went through a lot, but it was worth it to save the likes of me.
Happy Birthday!
Always in Him
Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
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Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
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Posts: 258
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NYC LA SFCA
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Re: Happy Birthday Jesus! -
12-26-2016, 03:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Harold Porter
Jesus, only YOU have kept the gay away and made me a fag-free and new man.
There would have been no chance that I could have abandoned my decision to bury my man-steel in a rectum without your help!
I knew when I did it, that it was wrong. But I was hoping you weren't looking.
When I had sissies pinned down in public restrooms? Groups of strange men in homeless shelters? Spring groupings in the bushes, with so much violent thrusting? The ejaculations that could have come from a fire hydrant? The mess that we left as we hated you?
Thank you and Happy Birthday. I know you went through a lot, but it was worth it to save the likes of me.
Happy Birthday!
Always in Him
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So, Sister Porter - well, at least on Fridays at the bar near the gates of Freehold - how was that guy you left with? Did you enjoy the gay yuletide together?
Ho Ho Ho!
A half truth is a whole lie.
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