Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Unsaved Trash, filthy sodomite
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Posts: 158
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Helping Kiki become a True Christian™ -
05-02-2007, 09:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bobby-Joe
My Christ hating, atheist, Joo marrying sister cat is a biter, at lest with me. Anytime I get to bite or scratch me. My sister says she doesn't understand it since it never done it around anyone else. I think her husband put the cat up to it. Last time I pulled out my pocket Bible to ward the vicious beast off, it ran in the corner had hissed at me. My sister won’t let me near it now.
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Perhaps it's her familiar, BJ? If you're trying to say what I think you are trying to say. This is not the most literate bit of composition you have come up with. Some animals do have very good instincts about humans.
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Unsaved Trash, filthy sodomite
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Posts: 158
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Re: Helping Kiki become a True Christian™ -
05-02-2007, 09:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carlton Green
I just stumbled onto this thread and I for one am shocked.
Just when I thought we were making progress with her, she let satan allow her to spit in GOD's face!
It's too bad that I couldn't come in time to also help penetrate my love from JESUS, and GODLY wisdom into her! After all, magic always happens during a Bible session with me, Rev. Green with the HOLY BIBLE 1611 KJV in the Study.
Shame. Yet another will have to be chucked in the furnace that heats the comforts for the rest of us sitting by the RIGHT hand of GOD!
GLORY!
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From what I have heard of your bible sessions not coming in time is not your usual difficulty.
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Helping Kiki become a True Christian™ -
05-02-2007, 09:58 PM
After all my hard work in trying to help her, it looks like Kiki is turning her back on Freehold and True Christianity™.
Pastor Ezekiel tells me she has declined my generous offer to come and slave work for me.
Anyway Kiki, if you happen to read this, please don't lose any sleep over this matter. I've found a more suitable candidate who can also help with the Garden.
I particularly have a large Bush that needs trimming.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,215
Join Date: Jan 1970
Location: God's Own America
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Re: Helping Kiki become a True Christian™ -
05-02-2007, 10:29 PM
Oh, I nearly forgot.
Pastor, I had allocated a $5,000 a month additional allowance to help with her Child's schooling and so she could buy some good True Christian™ clothes that we mentioned earlier.
I've now arranged for this money to be allocated to the Church's new High Definition Cinema fund.
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Helping Kiki become a True Christian™ -
05-12-2007, 08:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kikirnw
This should be my final and last post. For all those who have tried to help me,Thank you. I've come to a conclusion that no body on here would probably agree with but its how I feel. So goodbye all and take care.
kiki
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It appears that I missed a lot in my absence. Was she a Belgian Wicced lesbimen?
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Helping Kiki become a True Christian™ -
05-13-2007, 01:12 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria
It appears that I missed a lot in my absence. Was she a Belgian Wicced lesbimen?
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She was a deranged nymphomaniac who unsuccessfully attempted to seduce Pastor Ezekiel, and then successfully seduced Van Hellthing. And as if that wasn't bad enough, her Biblical knowledge was only fair-to-middling at best!
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Helping Kiki become a True Christian™ -
05-13-2007, 02:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance
She was a deranged nymphomaniac who unsuccessfully attempted to seduce Pastor Ezekiel, and then successfully seduced Van Hellthing. And as if that wasn't bad enough, her Biblical knowledge was only fair-to-middling at best!
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Well, that's not hard! Even a retarded nigra chimp could seduce Van Hellthighs!
The lack of Biblical knowledge doesn't surprise me. If she knew the Word from Genesis to Revelation, she'd still be here giving praise to the Lord instead of fornicating with witches.
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