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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
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My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
07-11-2009, 11:07 AM
Tonight, I had dinner with the lovely and beautiful Jan Crouch. Paul was supposed to have joined us but unfortunately he came down with a stomach ailment this morning. We ate at the famous Beverly Hills restaurant Spago and were seated just two booths away from Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson. Don't get me wrong, I like Tom's movies (Saving Private Ryan was spectacular, and the Da Vinci Code exposes the dark secrets of the Catholic Church), but I was just dying to chew his wife out for not taking his last name.
Paul (the apostle, not Rev. Crouch) tells us that the man is the head of the woman. Clearly the Hankses are not living according to Biblical standards so don't be shocked when you see them splitting up on next week's People magazine cover.
Anyways, Jan and I had a wonderful conversation covering everything from the Book of John to waterskiing to the rise of Islam in Europe to hot vacation spots to effective methods of converting atheists to fundraising ideas to favorite places to shop on Rodeo Drive. She is such a witty and intelligent woman. Many people think she is a "bimbo" because of how she acts on TV and the fact that she's just absolutely gorgeous, but that woman has a mind deep down.
After tipping the waiter a hundred dollar bill we got into my Mercedes SL65 and cruised up and down Hollywood. We saw many unsaved freaks. Hookers. Drug addicts. Transvestites. Punks. Queers. We wondered just how bad this world has become and it just reaffirmed our life's mission of going on TV and winning souls for Christ.
We then drove to a upscale bar and relaxed and talked for a couple hours. The conversation got a little personal at this point and I'm not at liberty to divulge what we talked about of respect for her and myself. Before we knew it the bar was closing and I drove her back to her house. Paul was asleep. I really hope he doesn't get angry for returning her so late, but he's a gentle, forgiving man and a fantastic example of a Christian, so I don't think there will be any problem.
Here's a picture of us.
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
07-12-2009, 06:27 PM
Rev. Jim: From time to time each of us face issues where having the ear of another is of great help.
I certainly wouldn't want you to divulge any private thoughts between the two of you, but did you find that you had to engage in any intense one-on-one counselling with Sister Jan?
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
07-12-2009, 07:41 PM
Is her hair pink in person or does it just look that way on TV?
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
07-12-2009, 10:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by HTannor
Rev. Jim: From time to time each of us face issues where having the ear of another is of great help.
I certainly wouldn't want you to divulge any private thoughts between the two of you, but did you find that you had to engage in any intense one-on-one counselling with Sister Jan?
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Well you can probably tell by watching "Praise the Lord" the last couple of years. Jan doesn't seem as ebullient and effervescent as she once was. And it's not due to age either. Let's just say I was there to offer pastoral advice and my personal friendship to some issues she cannot talk to her husband about.
Needless to say, I have another date dinner planned with Jan this upcoming Friday. I'll let you know how it turns out!
Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde
Is her hair pink in person or does it just look that way on TV?
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Well, actually it's more of a vivid magenta color. Due to the color imbalance in television signals and reception, it comes out more of a pink. But in real life, I would describe it as a rich magenta-fuchsia mix.
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
07-12-2009, 11:27 PM
Sounds like it was a evening filled with rising spiritualness
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
10-23-2009, 12:23 AM
How about a little commentary about your "dinner with Jan" from the "unsaved trash under investigation" ? You start off with your expensive dinner at SPAGO's sitting close to Tom Hanks and his wife whom you looked your christian nose down at because she chooses to use her own last name. (She is still an actress and is widely known by that name).
You go on from there to tell us about the C-note you tipped the waiter then got into your expensive (Mercedes SL65) automobile and cruised around Hollywood, again looking down your so-called christian noses at the low-life who aren't fortunate enough to make the kind of living you do bilking poor people out of their money.
Then you drove to an "UPSCALE" bar and began shamelessly plying Jan with drinks and getting a "little personal" with this married woman. Of course you're not at liberty to divulge what you talked about. We can imagine. You took Paul's wife home late knowing this "sensitive man" wouldn't mind. Is sensitive a euphemism for gay to you?
and then you write;
"Needless to say, I have another date/dinner planned with Jan this upcoming Friday. I'll let you know how it turns out!
How wonderful for you, Reverend Jim! You took Jan out, blew a wad on her, got her good and tipsy, probably talked about how neither of you are getting any these days and now you've scored another DATE with her. Way to go, my christian friend.
Rek2008
"Unsaved Trash under Investigation"
PS I do thank you for that nice photograph you two took together. You look like a beached walrus, but Jan looks very elegant. It's one of her better photos.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
10-23-2009, 01:20 AM
By the way Rev. Jim ... I'd like a "date" with Jan too. I don't have a Mercedes but I bet she'd love a ride on my Harley. Howz about sharing her cell number with me. I wouldn't even publish it on my yahoo group ...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JanCROUCHHottie
Well, not right away, anyway.
Rek2008
Unsaved Scumbag under Investigation
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
10-23-2009, 01:27 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rek2008
By the way Rev. Jim ... I'd like a "date" with Jan too. I don't have a Mercedes but I bet she'd love a ride on my Harley. Howz about sharing her cell number with me. I wouldn't even publish it on my yahoo group ...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JanCROUCHHottie
Well, not right away, anyway.
Rek2008
Unsaved Scumbag under Investigation
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Are you some kind of a sick-o? One of those Televangelist groupie stalkers? I've had to deal with my share of you freaks, and I know that sister Crouch and Rev. Jim have too.
Don't make us have to get Jesus to take out a restraining order on you.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
10-23-2009, 01:39 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
Are you some kind of a sick-o? One of those Televangelist groupie stalkers? I've had to deal with my share of you freaks, and I know that sister Crouch and Rev. Jim have too.
Don't make us have to get Jesus to take out a restraining order on you.
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Guilty as charged. Ms. Crouch just brings out the beast in me. I look at her pictures and suddenly I'm not myself ... all I can think of is sodomizing the gomorrah out of her while she's fervently praising the RIZ ! I'm goin' to hell I JUST KNOW IT! What can be done for me, Pastor ??
Rek2008
Unsaved decadent televangelist-stalking sodomizer
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
10-23-2009, 01:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rek2008
Guilty as charged. Ms. Crouch just brings out the beast in me. I look at her pictures and suddenly I'm not myself ... all I can think of is sodomizing the gomorrah out of her while she's fervently praising the RIZ ! I'm goin' to hell I JUST KNOW IT! What can be done for me, Pastor ??
Rek2008
Unsaved decadent televangelist-stalking sodomizer
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Well, you might try accepting Jesus as your Personal Savior® for starters.
Are you a queer as well? Betty Bower's BASH Program can help you there.
Please make a thread of your own in the " Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Master of Biblical Study and Ancient Languages With Jesus now.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
01-03-2011, 02:45 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rek2008
Guilty as charged. Ms. Crouch just brings out the beast in me. I look at her pictures and suddenly I'm not myself ... all I can think of is sodomizing the gomorrah out of her while she's fervently praising the RIZ ! I'm goin' to hell I JUST KNOW IT! What can be done for me, Pastor ??
Rek2008
Unsaved decadent televangelist-stalking sodomizer
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Yours is a common mistake of false Christians, aka Unsaved Trash who don't really read your bible. Gomorrah and Sodom had nothing to do with sodomy. It is a false impression because in English the city rendered as Sodom looks like it comes from the English word sodomy or sodomite. That ain't so.
The city Sodom comes from an unused Hebrew root word סדמ (sdm) meaning volcanic ash. Gomorrah comes from the Hebrew word אכה (Amrh) or Amorah meaning ruined heap.
The English word sodomite or sodomy comes from an entirely different Hebrew word קדש (qdsh) meaning an idolatrous prostitute, i.e. temple virgin which weren't virgins but holy prostitutes who accepted male seed as an offering to false gods such as Moloch. They could be either female or male (priests). Which is the connection you mean.
The sins of Sodom and Gomorrah were pride, selfishness and laziness as we see here: Ezekiel 16:49 -- Behold, this was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her and in her daughters, neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy.
Come to think of it, your laziness in that you failed to read your 1611 King James Bible and discover this for yourself is the same sin that sunk Sodom and Gomorrah.
YiJC, BS
II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
01-03-2011, 07:36 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rek2008
How about a little commentary about your "dinner with Jan" from the "unsaved trash under investigation" ? You start off with your expensive dinner at SPAGO's sitting close to Tom Hanks and his wife whom you looked your christian nose down at because she chooses to use her own last name. (She is still an actress and is widely known by that name).
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I do read the "movie mags" occassionally, and I can safely say Mrs. Hanks was never "known" as an actress under the name Rita Wilson...because NO ONE KNEW WHO SHE WAS.
She latched onto him early on, when they did Sleepaway Camp or Meatballs or some other unGodly, straight-to-video trash. (Of course his tranvestitism, exposed on Bosom Buddies, had already destroyed his career by that point, which is why he was doing the cheapie junk.)
The proof that Rita Wilson was never a real actress is that none of her films are found in the Landover Lending Library. They just aren't out there.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 08:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne
Tonight, I had dinner with the lovely and beautiful Jan Crouch. Paul was supposed to have joined us but unfortunately he came down with a stomach ailment this morning. We ate at the famous Beverly Hills restaurant Spago and were seated just two booths away from Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson. Don't get me wrong, I like Tom's movies (Saving Private Ryan was spectacular, and the Da Vinci Code exposes the dark secrets of the Catholic Church), but I was just dying to chew his wife out for not taking his last name.
Paul (the apostle, not Rev. Crouch) tells us that the man is the head of the woman. Clearly the Hankses are not living according to Biblical standards so don't be shocked when you see them splitting up on next week's People magazine cover.
Anyways, Jan and I had a wonderful conversation covering everything from the Book of John to waterskiing to the rise of Islam in Europe to hot vacation spots to effective methods of converting atheists to fundraising ideas to favorite places to shop on Rodeo Drive. She is such a witty and intelligent woman. Many people think she is a "bimbo" because of how she acts on TV and the fact that she's just absolutely gorgeous, but that woman has a mind deep down.
After tipping the waiter a hundred dollar bill we got into my Mercedes SL65 and cruised up and down Hollywood. We saw many unsaved freaks. Hookers. Drug addicts. Transvestites. Punks. Queers. We wondered just how bad this world has become and it just reaffirmed our life's mission of going on TV and winning souls for Christ.
We then drove to a upscale bar and relaxed and talked for a couple hours. The conversation got a little personal at this point and I'm not at liberty to divulge what we talked about of respect for her and myself. Before we knew it the bar was closing and I drove her back to her house. Paul was asleep. I really hope he doesn't get angry for returning her so late, but he's a gentle, forgiving man and a fantastic example of a Christian, so I don't think there will be any problem.
Here's a picture of us.
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What piety! Just reading this makes me want to wretch when I think of those who think of themselves as better than they really are. How vain to think of yourself driving in your Mercedes going to upscale bars...tipping with C notes...you have no idea the harm you do just by pretending to be Gods chosen. You undo in one evening what it takes true evangelists years to set examples. Enjoy your riches in this life because eternity is just around the corner where you will be judged for the things done in this life. Hypocrisy is truly an ugly thing to behold....I don't have a C note to tip you Mr. Osborne but I do have a warning...start investing in some asbestos underwear cuz you're going to need it where you're going.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 09:28 AM
Dear cigary,
You have received an infraction at The Landover Baptist Church Forums.
Reason: Insulting Landover and/or TCs
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How rude.
You got that right Mrs. Rogers...it's obscene that you feel Mr. Osborne is such an upright and righteous individual when his hypocrisy and yours is so evident. You might want to read some parables that our Lord talked about...those people who are like "whited sepulchres"...you and Mr. Osborne and the Crouches are no better than the Pharisees and Saducees who walked around in their robes and expensive jewelry proclaiming to be religious people when in fact you're all like dead people inside. Go ahead and hit me with some more infractions because you can't hide from the truth...a family like their who extort money and live like they do on million dollar salaries all the while begging for more money..very impressive when the whole family is on the payroll for millions of dollars and she wears more make up and dresses like the hookers on the street. What Christian woman would dress like that and then call herself a Christian? Isn't she supposed to bring glory to God instead of dressing up like RuPaul? Her hair alone looks like something that got caught in propellar and whoever puts on her makeup must use a paint brush...seriously!
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 11:53 AM
Rev. Jim, if you have the pleasure of dining with Jan Crouch again could you please get her autograph for me? My good friend Pastor Sean, from the Church of the Cross in Turangi, is a big fan of hers.
YIC
Bryan.
Joshua 24:15
And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 04:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cigary
Dear cigary,
You have received an infraction at The Landover Baptist Church Forums.
Reason: Insulting Landover and/or TCs
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How rude.
You got that right Mrs. Rogers...it's obscene that you feel Mr. Osborne is such an upright and righteous individual when his hypocrisy and yours is so evident. You might want to read some parables that our Lord talked about...those people who are like "whited sepulchres"...you and Mr. Osborne and the Crouches are no better than the Pharisees and Saducees who walked around in their robes and expensive jewelry proclaiming to be religious people when in fact you're all like dead people inside. Go ahead and hit me with some more infractions because you can't hide from the truth...a family like their who extort money and live like they do on million dollar salaries all the while begging for more money..very impressive when the whole family is on the payroll for millions of dollars and she wears more make up and dresses like the hookers on the street. What Christian woman would dress like that and then call herself a Christian? Isn't she supposed to bring glory to God instead of dressing up like RuPaul? Her hair alone looks like something that got caught in propellar and whoever puts on her makeup must use a paint brush...seriously!
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Friend,
Please listen to Jesus. John 7:24
Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. Now how is one hair color anything but appearances? Yes, you personally don't like big hair like Jan Crouch or men in Italian 100% wool suits like Rev Osbron but that is no excuse to damn them. Both Osborn and Crouch have spent years spreading The Lord's word. So what if Jesus tosses them a bone or two as a reward in the here and now? It's their deeds that count.
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 07:33 PM
Why do the unsaved trash always whine when they get an infraction? I guess that's why they hate God as well, because God corrects us and tests us and they don't like that. Nope in their little mind, God is supposed to make this world a complete utopia just for them.
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 08:06 PM
Your words are powerful, Sister BIG.
For the life of me I can't understand why Unsaved Trash comes in here when they are clearly God haters and mockers.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 08:18 PM
I hope you will convey 'best wishes' to Paul. He's looking a bit like Lurch on the Addams Family, sad to say. Are you sure it's just a stomach thing?
Leviticus 13:44 He is a leprous man, he is UNCLEAN: the priest shall pronounce him utterly UNCLEAN; his plague is in his head.
2 Kings 6:25 And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.
King James Bible v1611
Good Enough For JESUS....Good Enough For Me !!
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Re: My Dinner with televangelist Jan Crouch -
09-07-2010, 08:33 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by cigary
What piety! Just reading this makes me want to wretch when I think of those who think of themselves as better than they really are. How vain to think of yourself driving in your Mercedes going to upscale bars
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Do you think that getting the bus to a cheap pub is somehow Godlier?
Do you think that being a lousy tipper is Godlier?
Quote:
you have no idea the harm you do just by pretending to be Gods chosen. You undo in one evening what it takes true evangelists years to set examples. Enjoy your riches in this life because eternity is just around the corner where you will be judged for the things done in this life. Hypocrisy is truly an ugly thing to behold....I don't have a C note to tip you Mr. Osborne but I do have a warning...start investing in some asbestos underwear cuz you're going to need it where you're going.
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What, for the sin of having a nice car and tipping well? You clearly have a very strict sense of right and wrong, but I'm not sure that it has anything to do with Godly morality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cigary
Somebody put "Unsaved Trash" under my Avatar...which would be the Administrators. Explain to me how "good people" like yourselves who obviously have Gods right ear ( puhleeeeze) are so busy touting themselves as Christians....you're demons who need to be cast out. You're sick self serving children of the Devil who beg for money,,,think of themselves as "better" than others and then label others as "scum"....are you kidding me? You crazy people best start getting used to BBQ's cuz you're going to be one of the many briquets on Hells BBQ!
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Explain to me what your problem with the Church actually is. You seem to genuinely believe that asking for donations to do God's work and having a decent standard of living is enough to earn eternal damnation. Friend, I am glad that the loving God that we worship is nothing like whatever hateful figment of your imagination you pray to, that would damn people just for liking nice things.
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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