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Default Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-20-2010, 11:10 AM

Dear fellow TrueChristians™:

In my daily BIBLE(KJV) reading, I came across a passage that the LORD chose to highlight for me. I was about to drink some bottled water that the sister-in-law had given my wife when I saw 1 Timothy 5:23


Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake and thine often infirmities.

I immediately threw out the cursed beverage and opened up some Charles Schwab. However, the whole episode go me to thinking, is bottled water Satan's brew or did I overreact?
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-20-2010, 11:34 AM

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Originally Posted by Aristotle View Post
However, the whole episode go me to thinking, is bottled water Satan's brew or did I overreact?
I don't think you did overreact. Drinking water is clearly something for gays. All that sodomy destroyed their digestion so they cannot handle anything but water.


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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-20-2010, 11:59 AM

Personally, I never drink water. Fish fornicate in it.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-20-2010, 04:35 PM

Consider who drinks bottled water: sodomites, blue-state liberals, and blue-state liberal sodomites. Also, remember what "Evian" is, spelled backwards.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-20-2010, 04:39 PM

Isn't Charles Schwab the guy who caused the financial crisis?


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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-20-2010, 07:31 PM

Only homers drink bottled water because their small intestines have become too sensitive REAL water because of all the sodomizing they've been doing.


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Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-21-2010, 07:26 AM

Bottles in general look too much like penises (sorry to be so vulgar ladies) Real Men drink from a can!


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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-21-2010, 06:37 PM

I have a very positive view of bottled water. If is free enterprise and the Godly free market in action. Coca Cola owns Minute Maid orange juice and as we all know homers hate orange juice because of Godly Sister Anita Bryant Coca Cola also sells Aquafina water and a very nice profit. What could be more Christian than that. I'm sure brother Free Market Fred would agree.

If the shape of the bottle offends you simply pour it in a glass. True Christians do not drink from any vessel that you have to put your mouth around. We should never consume popsicles, ice cream cones, or lollipops.



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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-21-2010, 10:28 PM

why cant they just put bottled water in a can, and then sell it?


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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-21-2010, 10:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
why cant they just put bottled water in a can, and then sell it?
They do, in Japland. But who wants to be like the Japlandese? I think the idea is almost as dumb as the Canadistani and their bagged milk. Personally, I keep a well outside my house.

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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-21-2010, 10:56 PM

The black countries are better at dealing justice to fags and now the yellow ones have figured out how to drink store bought water without turning into fags. Do you see what the Obamunists have done to our country?


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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-21-2010, 11:12 PM

I believe this is twice I find myself amazed to agree with most of you about bottled water.

Such a horribly wasteful product.

Drink from the tap! Free Palestine!


Proverbs 25:21-22 If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink:
For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee.

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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-22-2010, 11:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godfly View Post
why cant they just put bottled water in a can, and then sell it?
So canned water isn't homer?
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-23-2010, 03:43 AM

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So canned water isn't homer?
More likely rusty. Beer works better for canned beverages.
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-23-2010, 09:03 AM

While we are on the topic, what can we drink?
If water is a no-go and juice is considered homo, what are we left with?

Are water-based drinks bad? Such as tea and beer? Wine is made from grape juice so it it also bad? I'm confused.
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-23-2010, 02:20 PM

Strong coffee and whiskey.


Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-23-2010, 06:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samuel Coleridge View Post
Drink from the tap! Free Palestine!
How does drinking from the tap in any way aid your despicable plan to sell God's Holy Country to the uncivilized mooselimb towelheads?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarkHenry View Post
Are water-based drinks bad? Such as tea and beer? Wine is made from grape juice so it it also bad? I'm confused.
Wine isn't bad. Jesus drank wine. Moreover:

John 2:6-10:
And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece. Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.
And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,
And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.

I think there is a reason Jesus turned the water into wine, instead of something else.


Sweet Lord Jesus,
I want to pray for those who persecute me, my Lord.
Please, treat their children as you treated those of Egypt, when they upset you! (Psalm 135:8-9)
Dash their little children against the stones for their fathers iniquity! (Psalm 137:8-9)
Hit them on the cheek, and smash out their teeth! (Psalm 3:7)
Make their death and descent into Hell swift and terrible! (Psalm 55:15)
Scatter their broken bodies over the streets of their evil cities, like Benghazi, Amsterdam, Tokyo and Mecca! (Psalm 110:6)
Praised be Your Glorious Name™.

Amen.

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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-24-2010, 03:42 AM

Its good that this has been brought to our attention. In fact, bottled water has been documented (I can only assume by creation scientists, due to the infallible truth found within the following report) for some years now. This Report clearly shows that the active ingredient in water, dihydrogen monoxide, is a highly toxic substance and may lead to kidney failure when ingested in large doses. This is surely a creation of satan.


The good Lord looks down upon those who deal in S&M, Goths be warned:

Exodus 1:14

And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage, in morter, and in brick, and in all manner of service, wherein they made them serve, was with rigour.
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-24-2010, 06:07 AM

Are sodas still in play? I know with all the sugar and stuff it's not really "healthy" to drink, but most of what I drink is soda.


Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.
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Default Re: Is bottled water Satan's brew? - 02-24-2010, 07:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soulless Husk View Post
Its good that this has been brought to our attention. In fact, bottled water has been documented (I can only assume by creation scientists, due to the infallible truth found within the following report) for some years now. This Report clearly shows that the active ingredient in water, dihydrogen monoxide, is a highly toxic substance and may lead to kidney failure when ingested in large doses. This is surely a creation of satan.
Yes, the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide are greatly under-reported. Every year, hundreds of people die from dihydrogen monoxide immersion. Even in its solid state, it can lead to death. In fact, an Olympian from one of those weird eastern european countries died through contact with solid dihydrogen monoxide this year at the Olympics. This could have been due to God's wrath toward these people.
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