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Default RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 08:42 AM

I meant to open this thread on the first of the month, but was so busy keeping my own wife in-line, I forgot. Anyway, we should get these rules together so they can be passed on to the women ASAP. Elmer C.

My contribution: Women should never fart in an audible or smellable fashion, nor should they be allowed to comment on a man's occasional relief of gas.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 12:28 PM

Women need to shut up. I get tired of hearing that background yapping all the time. A man needs some quiet. Even the Holy Bible says that women should shut their pie hole around men.

All any woman really needs to say is "Yes sir!" most of the time. And maybe "How do you want your steak done?".

Thank you Brother E for bringing up this long overdue topic. And I'd like to compliment you on the way you keep Glendora in line.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 01:32 PM

So, uh....why would a useless yappity woman be in the men's forum?



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

Last edited by Brother Temperance; 01-27-2007 at 02:46 PM. Reason: Edited for clarity
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 01:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
So, uh....why would a women's thread be in the men's forum?
SCAT! SHOO! Stop trying to infect our women with your feminazi lies. Bugger off now.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 04:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
So, uh....why would a useless yappity woman be in the men's forum?
Since you are the gold standard for both "useless" and "yappity," perhaps you should tell us why you're here.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 04:54 PM

Well of course I had to peek in to see what the new Rules are - didn't I? So that I would not become a subject of Scorn, Ridicule & Loathing by not being up-to-Date with them?

All Right. I'm leaving now, and all I'm taking with me is that really cute lampshade with the hot-pink fringe on it.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 05:22 PM

Sitting at the foot of the bed, waiting for her True Christian man to come, so she can attend him in getting ready for bed.


"If thou buy an Hebrew servant, six years he shall serve: and in the seventh he shall go out free for nothing. . . . And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the manservant's do."
(Leviticus 21:6-7)
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 09:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
SCAT! SHOO! Stop trying to infect our women with your feminazi lies. Bugger off now.
Sieg Heil.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-27-2007, 11:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV View Post
Well of course I had to peek in to see what the new Rules are - didn't I? So that I would not become a subject of Scorn, Ridicule & Loathing by not being up-to-Date with them?

All Right. I'm leaving now, and all I'm taking with me is that really cute lampshade with the hot-pink fringe on it.

Which begs the question - what was a hot pink fringed lampshade DOING here in the blokes section?

Is there something you're not telling us,guys?


In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 01:01 AM

That's a funny rule. I like the part where they can't say anything if we let loose though.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 01:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appelfap. View Post
Sieg Heil.
Gah. We tolerate insolent foreigners posting on our boards, most of whom are probably darkies, and this is what we get from the heathen crimmigrants: Racism. The Baby Jesus weeps at this sort of thing.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 02:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Women need to shut up. I get tired of hearing that background yapping all the time. A man needs some quiet. Even the Holy Bible says that women should shut their pie hole around men.

All any woman really needs to say is "Yes sir!" most of the time. And maybe "How do you want your steak done?".

Thank you Brother E for bringing up this long overdue topic. And I'd like to compliment you on the way you keep Glendora in line.
I really feel sorry for your wife and all "true Xtian" women. Imagine the lives they are FORCED to live. Imagine having to live under the JACK BOOT of their self righteous, psychotic bible thumping husbands! May they ALL be LIBERATED by the LIGHT!!


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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 02:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinkBoy View Post
I really feel sorry for your wife and all "true Xtian" women. Imagine the lives they are FORCED to live.
Forced? True Christian™ women are not forced to submit, they understand why it is important to submit to their husband.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinkBoy View Post
Imagine having to live under the JACK BOOT of their self righteous, psychotic bible thumping husbands!
Jack boots? We're not Nazis here, nor are we dictators. We treat our women with the respect they deserve. We are not the psychotic ones here, you and the ones like you are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinkBoy View Post
May they ALL be LIBERATED by the LIGHT!!
Our women are liberated by the light, the light of our LORD and CREATOR. They are liberated by their submission. What you are suggesting leads to the bondage of feminazism, leazbeanism, and man-hating.


The Big-Bang: GOD spoke and, BANG, the universe was formed.
Genesis 1:1 - In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 03:05 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinkBoy View Post
I really feel sorry for your wife and all "true Xtian" women. Imagine the lives they are FORCED to live. Imagine having to live under the JACK BOOT of their self righteous, psychotic bible thumping husbands! May they ALL be LIBERATED by the LIGHT!!
Don't worry nancy. They enjoy it. Just ask any True Christian™ woman.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Tyrone Shoelaces is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 04:43 AM

Just like I enjoy taking it up the rear from my neighbor Joe.

Last edited by OnYourKnees; 02-02-2007 at 06:56 PM. Reason: Profanity removed.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 08:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Don't worry nancy. They enjoy it. Just ask any True Christian™ woman.
Or, better still, any True Christian™ man!


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 02:53 PM

As if it hasn't been clearly spelled out for them: No women or homosexuals are allwed in the Promise Enforcers forum.

Another rule for women: Never run the dishwasher, clothes washer, clothes dryer, or garbage disposal while a man is watching sports on TV. You women should be capable of planning around our sports events and still stay caught up with your chores. It is OK to iron quietly during the sporting events, but keep a cold beer and some chips and dip read for action!


Investment Portfolio = Canned Goods, Automatic Weapons and a KJV1611 Bible!
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 04:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
Gah. We tolerate insolent foreigners posting on our boards, most of whom are probably darkies, and this is what we get from the heathen crimmigrants: Racism. The Baby Jesus weeps at this sort of thing.
That is racism.
I'm no immigrant, I'm white.
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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 04:57 PM

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Originally Posted by Appelfap. View Post
That is racism. I'm no immigrant, I'm white.
It isn't racism. You don't know what racism is. Setting yourself apart from immigrants because you are white is racism.


Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
"God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


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Default Re: RULES FOR WOMEN - 2007 - 01-28-2007, 06:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Appelfap. View Post
That is racism.
I'm no immigrant, I'm white.
My Polack servant is white too, I suppose that means she can't be an immigrant either? Typical foreign nonsense.


O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.


God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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