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Ex-hero, almost honorably discharged
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Posts: 717
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Location: Somebody's couch
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RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 06:52 PM
Brothers,
Due to America's draconian anti-marriage laws, which spit on God's Law as set out by Deuteronomy 22:28-29, I have no wife to cook for me. This has resulted in many "disasters" (as women call spilled milk) but nothing as bad as what happened to me today.
I was frying some hamburger paddies, when I remembered that a friend had given me some cherry-tomatoes which his wife had planted in the garden, and which for obviuous reasons he didn't want to eat. Well, I only had two little paddies, so I tossed the cherry-tomatoes in there with them. BIG MISTAKE!
When I ate the hamburger paddies, they were as good as ever, just as good as those Abel would have given to God. But when I bit into the fried cherry tomato....
I WAS RAPED!
The tomato ejaculated a wad of warm slime into my mouth, in the same amount as an actual ejaculation would. It was the perfect simulation of being on the giving end of fellatio!
Brothers, this is what vegeterians want to inflict on your wife and children. They want explosions of warm slime in your son's mouths. They want your daughters "experimenting" with oversized, dark-skinned cucumbers.
THEY HATE AMERICA!
Brothers, Vegetables are the "gateway experience" leading to all types of lust and perversion. we must STOP VEGETERRISM! It's a thin and fuzzy area between putting a cucumber into your mouth, and putting a penis into your mouth. We have to draw the line somewhere. If it's beef or beer, it doesn't go into your mouth. Period.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 07:04 PM
I can't think of a single vegetable that does not appeal to the prurient interest. They should be outlawed completely.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 07:07 PM
I hate tomatoes.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Location: Republic of Alaska (NOT the U.S.A.!)
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 07:17 PM
Trent,
I'm not going to use such a harsh term as "spoiled goods", but it really wouldn't hurt your reputation to provide a doctor's note certifying you as a heterosexual. It will help the healing process for all of us, I think.
#forevertrump: Supporter of The Donald as president-for-life! #MAGAlomaniac!
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,745
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 07:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King
I hate tomatoes.
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+1 They are of Satan.
Before the Founding father arrived and cleanse America, the fruit of these horrible weeds was known as "the Love Apple". The Lord Himself only knows what happened as people ate this.
In Arabic, the word is "badurah". When trying to create a Hebrew word for this fruit, Eliezer ben Yehuda preferred transliterating the Arabic over what eventually became the Hebrew* word "'agvaniah". Ben Yehuda's objection is quite clear, as the latter word comes from the same root as "'agevet" - Hebrew for syphilis.
Just think what you're eating.
*The original language of the OT.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 08:05 PM
I refuse to eat tomatoes because they look like a baboon's buttocks.
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Deaconess Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
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Location: God's Own America
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 08:14 PM
Those Vegeterrorists are worse than Mooslum suicide bombers.
Bretheren, we need to keep a look out for this kind of thing
Sister Talitha
Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.
HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41
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Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade Jesus macht frei
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 08:47 PM
I never seen any vitamins in vegetables.
Vitamins are another lie to trick people into vegetarism.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-24-2011, 09:08 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
the Hebrew* word "'agvaniah".
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This word is an anagram for "ah... vagina", and as such must be an intentionally placed subliminal message insidiously designed to lead the Jews away from God's holy plan for them. No wonder they killed Jesus.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-25-2011, 01:27 AM
Back in the day it was actually against the law to eat tomatoes. I'm hoping the GOP will put this back in their platform this year.
Anyway, it is a well-established fact that vegetarianism is directly linked to satan worship and bestiality.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™ Creation Scientist Fisher of Men
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Posts: 6,835
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-25-2011, 03:41 AM
This is pretty much why I have my wife chop all my bananas into little cubes. Too many painful memories from before I was cured of sodomania and Saved™ on October 17, 1998.
II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Posts: 18,554
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-25-2011, 05:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jedediah
This is pretty much why I have my wife chop all my bananas into little cubes. Too many painful memories from before I was cured of sodomania and Saved™ on October 17, 1998.
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Bananas are probably even more wicked than tomatoes. They were specifically created for ramming up the ass by Satan!
Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 19
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: The supposed country of Belgium.
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-29-2011, 03:10 PM
Tomatoes are like catholics, not even remotely what most think of them to be. Tomatoes are fruits really, not vegetables. It's like that darned strawberry, actually a vegetable but pretending to be fruit. Ah, the hideous trickery of Satan.
"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." - Romans 3:23
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Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
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Posts: 10,391
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Surrounded By Married Homos and Baby Killers in Godless England
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-29-2011, 03:16 PM
Plants are not to be trusted.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 6
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-31-2011, 01:34 PM
I struggled for a long time to reconcile my beliefs with my love of tomatoes - you'll be glad to know I know only have them in soup form, and am slowly replacing them with more nutritious foods.
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True Christian™
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Posts: 1,179
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MIA
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
08-31-2011, 05:16 PM
Brother Harvey, you may think about your legal chances. A direct lawsuit against the rapist is out of the question; the defense will surely claim his unaccountability - as usually. A better chance would be action against the government of the US of A for not protecting you from the dangerous minority.
But before that...
I need to ask you a hard question: were you - deliberately or not - dressed in a manner that could have been considered as sexually provocative?
Ask not what your Lord can do for you. Ask what you can do for your Lord.
... your choice entirely (Matthew 12:30)
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Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
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Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
09-01-2011, 03:48 AM
You foolish people, the tomato is a most noble fruit, given to us by our Lord so we may make the Holy sauce in his honour.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
09-01-2011, 05:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
You foolish people, the tomato is a most noble fruit, given to us by our Lord so we may make the Holy sauce in his honour.
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The only fruit around here is you. Why don't you go walk the plank or something?
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Unsaved trash Hateful God mocking pirate
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Posts: 6,336
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: The Land of the Beer Volcano and Stripper Factory.
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
09-01-2011, 05:32 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
The only fruit around here is you. Why don't you go walk the plank or something?
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I know you have a somewhat tenuous grasp of the real world but even you must be able to see that I am not the ripened ovary of a flowering plant, containing one or more seeds.
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: RAPED BY VEGETERRORISM! -
09-01-2011, 06:42 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jo Freddie
You foolish people, the tomato is a most noble fruit, given to us by our Lord so we may make the Holy sauce in his honour.
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Tomatoes are vegetables. Are you stupid?
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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