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Default Please pray for my soul - 01-22-2008, 04:37 PM
I was born in the middle east a hybrid of french and chinese. Due gods punishment for my parents sins (of being french and chinese) my brain is expanding and to prevent it from leaking fluids from my skull I am forced to wear a towel around my head. I was forced by my parents to go to college where these god damned liberals discuss such blasphemous topics as DNA, Global Warming, Socialism, and Humanitarism. I know the bible says Jesus loves everyone... but is he only refering to white males? Is there a chance that I can go to heaven? Is it ok that I want to be a decorator/ land scape artist?
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 01-22-2008, 04:43 PM
Also I was cursed with the inability to spell, more proof that good is angry at me and made me retarded. Can my soul be saved?
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 01-22-2008, 05:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Godless Chinaman View Post
Can my soul be saved?
Friend, you can't lose faith. Even though you are a horrid mix of french / gook there is always hope with Jesus.

I suggest you make a PayPal donation to Christ (bottom of the page) then get your skinny chink ass over to Iraq and start blasting sand niggers back to hell. It will not guarantee salvation but it will show Our Saviour that you are sincere in your intentions. The rest is up to Him.
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 01-23-2008, 01:11 AM
That is up to God(And the lovely pastors here at Landover)


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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 01-23-2008, 02:57 PM
You seem to have the right attitude, boy. Carry on with a repentant spirit and a humble heart, and Jesus will call you up to Heaven to serve us a coolie in no time.

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 01-29-2008, 09:16 PM
all souls go to heaven, and besides; your brain cant leaking retard. otherwise you will die. And if dna is not real, why are you worried about your parents?

-joe
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 01-30-2008, 12:31 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Godless Chinaman View Post
I was born in the middle east a hybrid of french and chinese. Due gods punishment for my parents sins (of being french and chinese) my brain is expanding and to prevent it from leaking fluids from my skull I am forced to wear a towel around my head. I was forced by my parents to go to college where these god damned liberals discuss such blasphemous topics as DNA, Global Warming, Socialism, and Humanitarism. I know the bible says Jesus loves everyone... but is he only refering to white males? Is there a chance that I can go to heaven? Is it ok that I want to be a decorator/ land scape artist?
look at our own ex-nigra Brother Remy and behold how THE LORD accepts him, tithe and pray.

Accept JESUS OUR SAVIOUR and there is hope.

PRAISE THE LORD!
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 05:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Godless Chinaman View Post
I know the bible says Jesus loves everyone... but is he only refering to white males?
My child, Jesus does love everyone; however, some restrictions may apply...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godless Chinaman
Is there a chance that I can go to heaven? Is it ok that I want to be a decorator/ land scape artist?
So long as you say your hail Marys, all is forgiven: the color of skin, the size of your head, the hair on the palms of your hands, any mass or serial murders you may have committed, incest, infidelity, child molestation, pornography...oh, but do beware that blasphemy is not a pardonable offense so watch that goddam piffleing mouth of yours or you'll fry in hell for all eternity.

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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 05:42 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinner View Post
So long as you say your hail Marys, all is forgiven...
"HAIL MARYS"? Are you a Catholic or something? There is no room for that kind of blasphemy on these boards!

O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 05:45 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Temperance View Post
"HAIL MARYS"? Are you a Catholic or something? There is no room for that kind of blasphemy on these boards!
Don't worry yourself dear Pastor.
I just Infractionized this Homer for that VERY reason.


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being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 06:00 PM
Oooh! My apologies to you all my bros and sistas...That was a slip of the tongue cause I wuz so busy washing my fellow Baptists' feet at the entrance to the church...I am afraid that old habits die hard (no pawn intended) but, yes, I was once associated with Mary-worshipping Cathewlics but, if it pleases the audience, I shall retreat to my private quarters and give myself a good spanking while thinking of our lard Jesus and calling his name as loud as I can.

Humbly yours,

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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 06:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by sinner View Post
Oooh! My apologies to you all my bros and sistas...That was a slip of the tongue cause I wuz so busy washing my fellow Baptists' feet at the entrance to the church...I am afraid that old habits die hard (no pawn intended) but, yes, I was once associated with Mary-worshipping Cathewlics but, if it pleases the audience, I shall retreat to my private quarters and give myself a good spanking while thinking of our lard Jesus and calling his name as loud as I can.
I think you are merely here to Mock us.

Being True Christians™ we are more than used to being persecuted.


Sister Talitha

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HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by homo_joe69 View Post
all souls go to heaven...
And look where spouting garbage like that got you. Hell, that's where.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Godless Chinaman View Post
I was born in the middle east a hybrid of french and chinese. Due gods punishment for my parents sins (of being french and chinese) my brain is expanding and to prevent it from leaking fluids from my skull I am forced to wear a towel around my head. I was forced by my parents to go to college where these god damned liberals discuss such blasphemous topics as DNA, Global Warming, Socialism, and Humanitarism. I know the bible says Jesus loves everyone... but is he only refering to white males? Is there a chance that I can go to heaven? Is it ok that I want to be a decorator/ land scape artist?
First of all son, here at Landover, we speak God-given English. Please return the favor. Second, you seem to be on the right track, what with all the talk of damned liberals. Keep that part up.
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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 07:28 PM
Oh, Lawd, please forgive my indiscretion and my transgression. I do solemnly swear never to socialize with them skirt-wearing Cathewlic priests again as I know that there is only one name that is holey in your eyes and that is the name of Jeesus, your beloved, unwed son who died for our shins so that we could live and humbly display the world's best hung ornament.

Please, my brothers and sisters have mercy on my sole and help my conversion to Baptism be all it can be. I promise to abide by all rules of the fellowship including, but not limited to, wearing the Jeesus thongs to service on Sunday.

Amen!

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Default Re: Please pray for my soul - 02-04-2008, 07:30 PM
I can't talk all this chinky-chop-suey, but Happy Year of the Rat anyway.

I suppose

The Year Of The Rat
1912, 1924, 1936, 1948, 1960, 1972, 1984, 1996

People born in the Year of the Rat are noted for their charm and attraction for the opposite sex. They work hard to achieve their goals, acquire possessions, and are likely to be perfectionists. They are basically thrifty with money. Rat people are easily angered and love to gossip. Their ambitions are big, and they are usually very successful. They are most compatible with people born in the years of the Dragon, Monkey, and Ox.
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