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Rachael Van Helsing's Avatar
Rachael Van Helsing Rachael Van Helsing is offline
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Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.Rachael Van Helsing is a sinner who is given over to unnatural affections and blasphemy, and whose chances of Salvation© are limited.
Default Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! - 11-14-2006, 02:39 AM

Of course. Very logical. Yes, that makes perfect sense now!



Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!
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Rev. Carlton Green Rev. Carlton Green is offline
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Default Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! - 11-14-2006, 04:03 AM

One time, my Tuesday night steak didn't go down the right way and I found myself in a difficult position, because about 4 or 5 sex-crazed homos were coming towards me to perform unspeakable acts. That was enough to get me on fast recovery as I summoned the power of Jesus, and coughed out that glob of steak and it miraculously landed in the face of one of the peverted heathens. GLORY TO JESUS AND BOOOOOO TO CPR!!

-Rev. Green
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Glendora Christianson Glendora Christianson is offline
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Glendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious RaptureGlendora Christianson has discarded the shackles of sin and is ready to participate in the Glorious Rapture
Default Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! - 11-14-2006, 04:25 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Carlton Green View Post
One time, my Tuesday night steak didn't go down the right way and I found myself in a difficult position, because about 4 or 5 sex-crazed homos were coming towards me to perform unspeakable acts. That was enough to get me on fast recovery as I summoned the power of Jesus, and coughed out that glob of steak and it miraculously landed in the face of one of the peverted heathens. GLORY TO JESUS AND BOOOOOO TO CPR!!

-Rev. Green
I am so inspired by your (very Christian) story, Mr. Green. I know how unhappy you would have been if some homer had his way with your helpless lips and thus plucked your soul from the gates of Heaven. And I know how disappointed you were that it wasn't your time to be with Jesus (yet). But if I were you, I'd take it as a sign from the Lord that he has work for you to do right here at LBC! Every time you take out the trash (some heathen) our Lord Jesus Christ moves you to a better place in Heaven . . . start out in the luxury apartments, but end up in the gated estates (with four car garages) - Glory!


Jesus - gentle, dependable overnight relief.
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Default Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! - 11-14-2006, 04:47 AM

Mrs. Christianson,

Your remindment of Jesus, the Lord God Almighty and their mightly kingdom make one want to choke on steak more often (joke, ). However I am a man of responsibility so natrually I will fufill my duties to aiding Landover and removing the vast majority of horrid stinking sinners who would honestly pick skin scalding in a lake of fire over sitting high in the comfy clouds with Jesus having an ol bellylaugh upon his throne. I don't need to think twice on where Wretched von Hellraising is heading.

-Mr. Green (Thank you for reminding me that I no longer have the Reverend title. Just like the homer false-Christian church I resigned from, I will leave behind the title as well)
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Ixi Ixi is offline
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Ixi, have you done your homework yet?
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Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Ixi is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! - 11-14-2006, 05:18 PM

Yes, very perfect sense!


A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
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Default Re: Alert: CPR is SEX! - 11-18-2006, 02:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
Right or wrong, regards the CPR thing, am I wrong there? No genital contact...therefore....cannot be thought of as sex, can it?
It all depends. Case in point.
Some time ago an obviously post-menopausal woman collapsed in a faint.
Fat prevented my finding a pulse.
Dior sunglasses made it impossible to determine
whether her pupils were fixed.

Being a quick-reactor,
I hollered at the morbidly curious people gathering around:

"Get back, call help! This woman's in cardiac arrest!"

I commenced CPR. It was not "sexy".
An upper plate came lose and nearly went down the throat.

Two breaths. Thump thums shove.
Two more breaths. Nada.
I have terrible sinuses.

"Breed, gawdammt, breed!"

The crowd looked entirely perplexed,
as if I were an idiot.

So I took off my Dior sunglasses and glared nasty at the gawkers,
retrieved my upper bridge from the victim's mouth,
tucked my purchase of Gold Leaf Lard back under my arm
and I walked away when the "cardiac" victim turned out to be a fake;
a sagging nympho out to snare hapless gallants like myself.

"Breed, gawdammit, breed!"
She really made me look foolish.

The sex aspect of CPR is overated.
I won't do CPR again.


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