[Born Again Bob]

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Please pray for me. I am beset by the Devil, tempting me to covet my neighbor's ox. Every day, I see that magnificent beast, grazing in his pen, and the demons in my heart whisper "he should be yours, Bob!" I have even found myself idly fingering the latch that separates my neighbor's lot from mine. I have found surprisingly little church literature on how to quell a jealous heart as far as ownership of livestock is concerned.

Help!

Yours in Christ,
BAB

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Born Again Bob

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Please pray for me. I have fallen prey to a the sin of coveting my neighbor's ox. Every day, I see that magnificent beast, grazing in his pen, and the demons in my heart whisper "he should be yours, Bob!" I have even found myself idly fingering the latch that separates my neighbor's lot from mine. I have found surprisingly little church literature on how to quell a jealous heart as far as ownership of livestock is concerned.

Help!

Yours in Christ,
BAB

I've seen your neighbor's ox, brother BaBs, and I don't blame you for covering it at all. Not one bit. He's got a fine, fine ox.

I'll Pray for you, but hey, I understand completely.

[Jedediah]

In the name of JESUS, I cover myself and the one reading this with the Blood of JESUS. I ask for giant warrior angels to protect us. As your war club and weapons of war, I break down, undam, and blow up all walls of protection around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers, and the like, and I break the power of all curses, hexes, vexes, spells, charms, fetishes, psychic prayers, psychic thoughts, all witchcraft, sorcery, magic, voodoo, all mind control, jinxes, potions, bewitchments, death, destruction, sickness, pain, torment, psychic power, psychic warfare, prayer chains, incense and candle burning, incantations, chanting, blessings, hoodoo, crystals, root works, and everything else being sent my way, or my family member's way, or any Landover Baptist's way, and I return it, and the demons to the sender, SEVENFOLD, and I bind it to them by the Blood of Jesus, and I cut and burn their ungodly silver cord and lay lines, in JESUS' Name.

Amen

[HTannor]

What does ox taste like?

[Living_Water]

Exodus 20:17:
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's


I hope this scripture strenghtens your virtue. After you're done coveting your neighbour's ox you've got to remember rest of the tenth commandment.
I know you didn't mention it yet, but stop coveting your neighbour's ass also!

My prayers will be with you and your neighbour's ox.

[Immaculate Kiwi]

I pray it's a white ox....

[Lost Sheep McUinnean]

Originally Posted by HTannor

What does ox taste like?

Quite nice actually, especially in stew. Need a hell of a big pot for it though.

[Cabbage Kid]

Or you could just chop it up....
God some people

[its_faith]

Sorry Born Again Bob, I cant be bothered. I am busy praying for the further destruction of Japan at the moment and I believe that eradicating those slant eyed bastards from the face of the Earth is far more important.

[Two-Dollar Bill]

A story from my youth may be of use to you Brother Born Again Bob.

As a teenager I once coveted one of my neighbor's daughters. I was home schooled so I didn't get much interaction with other kids (especially not girls). Each day I would see her coming home from the public school in town and longed for a chance to talk to her. My interest in her became a distraction and I had difficulties concentrating on my Bible studies. In the end I realized that I needed to do something - or else my intellect would surely begin to suffer.

One day I finally built up the courage to interact with the object of my interests. I waited outside of her house around the time she usually came home from school. I was nervous and when I saw her coming down the lane I wasn't sure if I could go through with it. However, I thought of my position and knew that it must be done.

She approached me and said, "Hi". And that's when I slapped her. Hard. I told her that her floozy ways were interrupting my studies and that I would no longer have it.

After that things pretty much went back to normal.

Any chance you can attempt something similar with the ox? Maybe sneak up behind it with a baseball bat?

[Heather95]

Originally Posted by Born Again Bob

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

Please pray for me. I am beset by the Devil, tempting me to covet my neighbor's ox. Every day, I see that magnificent beast, grazing in his pen, and the demons in my heart whisper "he should be yours, Bob!" I have even found myself idly fingering the latch that separates my neighbor's lot from mine. I have found surprisingly little church literature on how to quell a jealous heart as far as ownership of livestock is concerned.

Help!

Yours in Christ,
BAB

Just read Exodus 20:17, Exodus 22:19, Leviticus 20:15-16, and Deuteronomy 27:21 over and over. Keep your eyes on the bible and remember: In the creation account, none of the animals were “suitable” for Adam (Genesis 2:20). Second, bestiality represents the ultimate of sexual deviancy. The fact that the animal was to be put to death (Leviticus 20:15-16), despite the fact that it would be “innocent,” indicates how wickedly perverse bestiality is. Third, and perhaps most importantly, bestiality essentially denies the uniqueness of humanity which God created in His image (Genesis 1:27). Bestiality lowers humanity to nothing more than an animal, a beast which is unable to distinguish right from wrong, natural from unnatural, love from lust.
And don't forget to pray, NONSTOP

[Born Again Bob]

Originally Posted by Heather95

Just read Exodus 20:17, Exodus 22:19, Leviticus 20:15-16, and Deuteronomy 27:21 over and over. Keep your eyes on the bible and remember: In the creation account, none of the animals were “suitable” for Adam (Genesis 2:20). Second, bestiality represents the ultimate of sexual deviancy. The fact that the animal was to be put to death (Leviticus 20:15-16), despite the fact that it would be “innocent,” indicates how wickedly perverse bestiality is. Third, and perhaps most importantly, bestiality essentially denies the uniqueness of humanity which God created in His image (Genesis 1:27). Bestiality lowers humanity to nothing more than an animal, a beast which is unable to distinguish right from wrong, natural from unnatural, love from lust.
And don't forget to pray, NONSTOP

Dear Sister/Idiot,

Thank you for your support. The Devil is trying to tempt me to steal the ox, not have ungodly Congress with it. But THANK YOU for leaping to the most ridiculous possible conclusion. It's a shorthand way of you letting us know you really are a woman!

Yours in (Oh for the Love Of) Him,
BAB