[Rev. Jim Osborne]

As you know, I haven't been around for the past month. About a week before Christmas, I was stressing over the lack of funds for our Presents for Pastors program, where the community comes together to collectively reward our hard-working pastors with special luxury gifts for Christmas. It seems our parishoners had to go Scrooge on us this year, coming up with BS excuses like "I got laid off" and "my wife needs cancer treatment" to skimp on their donations. So, THANK YOU for not rewarding Pastor Zeke with that marble bathroom that he wanted.

Anyways, the stress was getting to me and I started getting heart palpitations. I was taken to Freehold Memorial and it was determined my arteries were clogged severely. These quack doctors said it was because of my heavy diet of bacon and cheese and not the Devil trying to trip me up because he doesn't like how I spread the Good News to the world. So I had my private jet fly me to Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles for open-heart surgery, just in case. Now, I know I was healed by prayer. The surgery didn't have much to do with healing my heart. It was just a precautious measure. After all, I had all of Landover Baptist praying for me to recover....and I recovered...isn't that enough proof that God answers your prayers?

And to a couple people, who will remain nameless, no I am not a hypocrite for telling you to withhold medical treatment for you or your loved ones and instead give that money to the Presents for Pastors fund. All you need is prayer. That's what healed me. You think a bunch of Ivy League Jews with X-acto knives tinkering around with my heart actually healed me? Seriously?

Well, I'm back on my feet again. And I thank Jesus for allowing me to live another day. It's good to be back, brothers and sisters.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Praise Jesus, it's great to have you back Rev. Jim. And just in time for our annual January Pastor's Retreat in Bermuda. There's nothing wrong with you that a few hours of Prayer and a few bottles of Single Malt won't cure.



...I am still upset about that marble bathroom I had picked out. The marble came from an ancient Greek temple I was going to buy and have dismantled....

I heard that joo bastard Benny Hinn bought it out from under me...

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Brother, I think God not allowing you to get the marble bathroom this year was God's way of testing you. Just like he tested Job. He screwed Job over, as you know, but he screwed you over even more. Stay faithful, my brother.

Anyways, I'll see you in Bermuda on the 13th!

That young black boy, Marcus, is really eager to receive one of your sermons again from what I hear.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

That young black boy, Marcus, is really eager to receive one of your sermons again from what I hear.

Oh yea....I remember Marcus....

[Redeemed Papist]

My prayers worked!

Glory alleluia for this concrete proof of God's continuing love for His elect!

Praise you, Jesus, for delivering our good Pastor from torment to once again bless us with his wondrous insights into your glory.

[Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson]

It must almost be unsatisfying to still be alive and not in the Bosom of Abraham watching the sinners writhe in agony begging for water from across the chasm.

Oh well. Better luck next year, Reverend. I'm glad Jesus decided to keep you on the earth for us.

[Jack O'fagan]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

Praise Jesus, it's great to have you back Rev. Jim. And just in time for our annual January Pastor's Retreat in Bermuda. There's nothing wrong with you that a few hours of Prayer and a few bottles of Single Malt won't cure.



...I am still upset about that marble bathroom I had picked out. The marble came from an ancient Greek temple I was going to buy and have dismantled....

I heard that joo bastard Benny Hinn bought it out from under me...

I'm sure the Lord will provide for you in the end. Hopefully He is just testing you on a temporary basis. I heard that the design for you bathroom came from the Good Book itself so I'm sure God will appreciate that,

1 Chronicles 29:2 Now I have prepared with all my might for the house of my God the gold for things to be made of gold, and the silver for things of silver, and the brass for things of brass, the iron for things of iron, and wood for things of wood; onyx stones, and stones to be set, glistering stones, and of divers colours, and all manner of precious stones, and marble stones in abundance.


Maybe you can fill your bath with wine?

Isaiah 5:10 Yea, ten acres of vineyard shall yield one bath , and the seed of an homer shall yield an ephah.

But I know that you will not find the seed of any homers in your bath

That was just a vile rumour.

YIC

Jack

[Jack O'fagan]

Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne

Anyways, the stress was getting to me and I started getting heart palpitations. I was taken to Freehold Memorial and it was determined my arteries were clogged severely. These quack doctors said it was because of my heavy diet of bacon and cheese and not the Devil trying to trip me up because he doesn't like how I spread the Good News to the world. So I had my private jet fly me to Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles for open-heart surgery, just in case. Now, I know I was healed by prayer. The surgery didn't have much to do with healing my heart. It was just a precautious measure. After all, I had all of Landover Baptist praying for me to recover....and I recovered...isn't that enough proof that God answers your prayers?

I am so pleased Rev. Jim that you are well again. What a POWERFUL testament to effectiveness of prayer!

Even though you had the precautious measure of open heart surgery we all know that He was guiding the surgeon's knife.

Glory!

Jack

[Johny Joe Hold]

As always, Brother Jim, your testimony is an inspiration to us all. We won't stop praying for your continued good health. And, please, pray for us also.

JJH