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Predestinated Servant of Jesus Christ by the Will of God True Christian™ Theologian
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,420
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Landover Baptist Church official "Slaves Obey Your Masters" slave auction.. In time for Christmas!! -
12-19-2016, 04:30 PM
My fellow True Christians, your deacons have been working double time, in consultation with our President's transition team, to sponsor the first Biblically correct slave auction this country will have enjoyed in many years. Hallelujah. The niggers for sale (along with a couple Mexicans) will be available for your inspection in the church parking lot until noon this morning. Then the auction begins. Many of you are aware of how much trouble this has been for the deacons, who so wanted to offer you Sasha Obama as a choice lot. Unfortunately, the Sidwell School officials ignored our petition for enslavement. They didn't turn the female over, and now Secretary of Education DeVos has been informed. She'll know what to do with the (former, ha!) school's Mr. Dalmouth (774 Fenton Street, Silver Spring, MD 20910, 301-589-6660) and Mr. Connor (531 Elden Street, Reston, VA 20170, 703-437-0006). Anyway, bucks and bitches will be available for bidding, all of them freshly harvested from the Northern Virginia area and brought to Landover for this auction. I know this is a Godly event you won't want to miss... And if you go home with a new garage boy, then congratulations to you!
I loved Newt before Newt was invincible
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Landover Baptist Church official "Slaves Obey Your Masters" slave auction.. In time for Christmas!! -
12-20-2016, 12:10 AM
What a thrilling and energetic morning that was! Whew! I'm just about worn out! I will say, I was surprised at the spunk coming from some of those young wenches. You'd think they'd figure out not to bite the hand that feeds them. Anyway, I couldn't stay long, but I just had to be there for this historic event! I thank God our nation is finally turning back to the Bible for Knowledge and Guidance! First the War on Christmas has been won, and now low cost labor can once again make this nation great! Mr. Etheldred hasn't returned, so he must be busy looking over all the fresh pickin's (and pickaninnies, lol). I wonder if he got us a Christmas present! Oooh, so exciting! I should get ready to give up a corner of the back shed. Hmm, so much to do.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Landover Baptist Church official "Slaves Obey Your Masters" slave auction.. In time for Christmas!! -
12-20-2016, 08:56 AM
I must say I am not at all happy with the way this turned out. I had no idea the auctioneer would interpret me scratching my nose as me placing bids!
And now I'm told I committed fraud by winning an auction I can't pay for?
Please, can somebody get word to my Jew lawyer? They've locked me up in here with some of the unsold inventory.
Thank you.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
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Posts: 258
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NYC LA SFCA
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Re: Landover Baptist Church official "Slaves Obey Your Masters" slave auction.. In time for Christmas!! -
12-20-2016, 05:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
I must say I am not at all happy with the way this turned out. I had no idea the auctioneer would interpret me scratching my nose as me placing bids!
And now I'm told I committed fraud by winning an auction I can't pay for?
Please, can somebody get word to my Jew lawyer? They've locked me up in here with some of the unsold inventory.
Thank you.
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I would call me by my proper name, son. I know a lot about you since taking your case about that other matter. And you're free to go. You're welcome.
A half truth is a whole lie.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Landover Baptist Church official "Slaves Obey Your Masters" slave auction.. In time for Christmas!! -
12-20-2016, 05:18 PM
I meant no offense, my dear, dear friend. I just wasn't sure if these other people knew your name. We tend not to learn the names of non-whites around here.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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Unsaved trash, a Rich Joo (Luke 16:24)
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Posts: 258
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: NYC LA SFCA
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Re: Landover Baptist Church official "Slaves Obey Your Masters" slave auction.. In time for Christmas!! -
12-20-2016, 05:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith_Machine
I meant no offense, my dear, dear friend. I just wasn't sure if these other people knew your name. We tend not to learn the names of non-whites around here.
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On a side note: if anyone asks you about "those pictures", you can safely now say, "What pictures?"
You know the ones from your - um - trip.
A half truth is a whole lie.
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