[maxil]

Marcus 16: 15-18

15And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

16He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

17And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;

18They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.


Thus, if you are a true christian, you can start by moving to a hospital and cure all those people inside.

[MoonFlower]

Uh huh. So, what about me? What should I do??

Moon

[Enobarbus]

Originally Posted by MoonFlower

Uh huh. So, what about me? What should I do??

Moon

You should give up your licentious and frivolous lifestyle young lady and become a True Christian™. Stop your fornicating with woodland animals, skinning cats, and trying to kidnap Baptist babies from church carparks. Repent, beg the Lord for forgiveness, and tithe to Landover!

This is the only way to ensure the safety of your Aeternal soul!

[Enobarbus]

Originally Posted by maxil

Marcus 16: 15-18

15And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

16He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.

17And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;

18They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.


Thus, if you are a true christian, you can start by moving to a hospital and cure all those people inside.

Don't be ridiculous. God has made those people ill for a purpose. Would you advocate interferring with the will of God?

[MoonFlower]

Originally Posted by Enobarbus

Stop your fornicating with woodland animals...

Ew! Sorry, I stick to my species, Eno.

Originally Posted by Enobarbus

...skinning cats...

How cruel! I would never do such a thing!

Originally Posted by Enobarbus

...and trying to kidnap Baptist babies from church carparks.

The only time I d in the car when it was close to 100 degrees outside! The poor thing would have suffocated in there! Besides, I gave the child back to its parents.

Originally Posted by Enobarbus

Repent, beg the Lord for forgiveness, and tithe to Landover!

BJ makes me beg for forgiveness every night. And I always tithe to Landover, if not Pa'daddy said he'd burn me at the stake.

Moon

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by maxil

Thus, if you are a true christian, you can start by moving to a hospital and cure all those people inside.

Dear friend:

We follow the entire Bible; we don't cherry-pick the parts that make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Since Scripture interprets Scripture, let's look at some Scripture teachings that you didn't bother to cite:

James 5:14-16: Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

In other words, the laying on of hands to cure people is for people who are "among you" (i.e., True Christians™) and who have confessed their faults to other True Christians™.

We can't waste our time going around and laying hands on any old hellbound trash. It wouldn't do them any good anyway, since they lack faith:

Matt. 9:22: But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.

Finally, let us consider, as Pastor Enobarbus has so excellently stated, why those people are sick in the first place. The Bible says what will happen if we obey God's law:

Exodus 23:25: And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.

... and what will happen if we don't:

Deut. 28:21-22: The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it. The LORD shall smite thee with a consumption, and with a fever, and with an inflammation, and with an extreme burning, and with the sword, and with blasting, and with mildew; and they shall pursue thee until thou perish.

[maxil]

Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou

Dear friend:

We follow the entire Bible; we don't cherry-pick the parts that make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Since Scripture interprets Scripture, let's look at some Scripture teachings that you didn't bother to cite:

Alright

James 5:14-16: Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

So true cristian people can get sick, but not every true christian can heal them, even if it says so in the bibble.

We can't waste our time going around and laying hands on any old hellbound trash. It wouldn't do them any good anyway, since they lack faith

I remember jesus curing a lot of people.

Finally, let us consider, as Pastor Enobarbus has so excellently stated, why those people are sick in the first place. The Bible says what will happen if we obey God's law:

Exodus 23:25: And ye shall serve the LORD your God, and he shall bless thy bread, and thy water; and I will take sickness away from the midst of thee.

So true christians wont get sick.

Alright, so:
- Every true christian has the ability to cure people
- True christians never get sick because god cures them
- True christians get sick, but they need to get cured by the church
- You do not cure other people because they dont have faith

Did jesus only cure people who already believed?

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by maxil

Alright, so:
- Every true christian has the ability to cure people
- True christians never get sick because god cures them
- True christians get sick, but they need to get cured by the church
- You do not cure other people because they dont have faith

You're starting to catch on, friend!

Did jesus only cure people who already believed?

Of course! Do you have any scriptural evidence that he did otherwise?

[Pastor Rune Enoe]

Originally Posted by Enobarbus

Don't be ridiculous. God has made those people ill for a purpose. Would you advocate interferring with the will of God?

Excellent point, Brother. Some people are deliberately crippled by Jesus to give Him an opportunity to demonstrate His powers:

John 9:2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?
John 9:3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

Suppose Jesus came back tomorrow and wanted to make the works of God manifest in a blind man - only to find out the blind man had already been cured? That would make Jesus look all silly and let me assure you that Baby Jesus doesn't like to lose His face. Let's not forget that it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

[Sister Rebecca]

Jesus doesn't like cripples.
Deuteronony 23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

He doesn't like bastards.
Deuteronomy 23:2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

He doesn't like women that dress like men or vice versa.
Deuteronomy 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

Oh, the list goes on and on and on.
Point is, pansy-ass, God has the right to make His rules how He sees fit. If He wants all the credit for curing the sick or otherwise infirm of the world, who are we to question Him? We just follow the Bible (NOT the "bibble" as you put it heathen) in its entirety. Don't you think its high time you turned your life to the Lord as He wants you to? You don't have much time. The end is near. If you don't want to be turned on a spit by Satan and his diesel dyke rug muncher girlfriends, I suggest you start turning to Jesus now! You can start your path to True Salvation ™ by hitting that paypal button at the bottom.

[maxil]

Originally Posted by Sister Rebecca

You can start your path to True Salvation ™ by hitting that paypal button at the bottom.

I only need to believe in jesus.

My point was, why would trye christians have the ability to cure people, if true christians never need to be cured, and you will never cure other people?

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by maxil

I only need to believe in jesus.

Really?

James 2:19: Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble.

As you can see, there is considerably more to the Holy Bible than John 3:16.

[SalvationSeeker]

Originally Posted by maxil

I only need to believe in jesus.

In additon to what brother MSTT pointed out.

Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven;
But he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? And in thy name have cast out devils?
And in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Matthew 7:21-23

But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?
Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar?
Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was faith made perfect?
And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness:
And he was called the Friend of God. Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.
James 2:20-24

For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
James 2:26

[maxil]

From one of the bibble quizes on the site:

6. This man truly believed Jesus is the Son of God but refused to turn His life over to the Lord, instead, continuing a crime spree including rape, child molestation and murder.

Correct Answer: A (Heaven) John merely says you have to believe in Jesus to experience everlasting life, not that you have to follow or obey Jesus.

This I why I said that about jesus, but thats not the point of this topic.

[maxil]

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0203/answers.html

Thats the link to the quize I was talking about

[Bobby-Joe]

Originally Posted by maxil

From one of the bibble quizes on the site:

6. This man truly believed Jesus is the Son of God but refused to turn His life over to the Lord, instead, continuing a crime spree including rape, child molestation and murder.

Correct Answer: A (Heaven) John merely says you have to believe in Jesus to experience everlasting life, not that you have to follow or obey Jesus.

This I why I said that about jesus, but thats not the point of this topic.

Friend,

You are falling for the heritic trap of Divine Double Speak®. God, in His all powerful state says many things at the sametime in The Bible. Therefor John and Romans and Mathew and James are all correct and must be followed.

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Dear friend:

You have asked questions. We have answered them, using Scripture. If you have a problem with God's Perfect Word, then the problem lies not with God or with us, but with you:

I Cor. 2:14: But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know [them], because they are spiritually discerned.

As Pastor Bobby-Joe has pointed out, you have to follow the entire Bible, including the parts that, to the natural man, seem to cancel one another out.