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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 06-23-2010, 05:05 PM

Mmmm, these are some great tips, I have listed them here and hope that I got them all, I hate to say it but there are a few of them that I haven't done. sigh...

1. Before your hubby gets home from a hard days work check yourself in the mirror and make sure your makeup is fresh and you look as pretty as you did when you were courting. Now that you've bagged him does not give you the right to let yourself go and into a sloppy sow.
2. When he slaps you or corrects you in any way do not make a sound and thank him for it.
3. Always give him the biggest and best of the portions of food you are preparing.
4. Always remember that your wants and desires will always come last. JESUS and your Hubby are your Universe and you are just in its orbit.
5. Don't sleep in.
6. Don't be a Nag.
7. Never complain during... Baby making.
8. Don’t act like a boy.
9. Always wear a dress.
10. Be ready to make him a meal/snack at any time.
11. Always make sure the MAN is in control of the finances.
12. Remember to always keep your purity, especially in regards to the viewing of his manly organ. I've heard blindfolds come in handy when there is a need to engage in procreation activities.
13. Always submit to your man's wishes.
14. Keep your big mouth shut when he says! You must respect him by being quiet and not saying anything unnecessary
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 06-24-2010, 09:48 AM

Be sure they never forget to use oven mits when taking out the pies!
My brother's wife does it almost every time.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 06-29-2010, 04:29 AM

Always remember that your wants and desires will always come last. JESUS and your Hubby are your Universe and you are just in it's orbit.

So many women complain about this but what they don't realise is that GOD saves the best for last -Thank You LORD


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Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 06-29-2010, 04:41 AM

14. Keep your big mouth shut when he says! You must respect him by being quiet and not saying anything unnecessary

If only more women could follow this simple request!

I am tired of listening to pathetic women cry about being kept in line and/or being slapped by their husbands. It's simple ladies: Shut your mouth and get back in the kitchen. Your husband won't be forced to discipline you if you are busy doing what you were born to do!

LORD, you maketh me from ADAM'S RIB, I am blessed. Amen


King James Bible
Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-03-2010, 04:28 AM

15. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.


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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-09-2010, 11:52 PM

If in doubt send JESUS an e-mail (prayer) HE is always "On-line".
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-12-2010, 01:51 AM

Me too!
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-12-2010, 03:42 AM

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Originally Posted by blonde View Post
Me too!
why come you wants to make the innernets even worser than it already are, Miss.Blonde?
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-12-2010, 11:39 AM

A new wife should get accustomed to sleeping over the sink so that she is there to put the kettle on at a moment's notice. A man shouldn't have to come into the kitchen at any time apart from to make good Christian soldiers with his bride, preferably whilst she is making him a sandwich.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-12-2010, 07:22 PM

I'm thinking about finding 10 concubines to care for my estate.

2Sam.15

  1. [16] And the king went forth, and all his household after him. And the king left ten women, which were concubines, to keep the house.


Exod.22

" 1. [17] If her father utterly refuse to give her unto him, he shall pay money according to the dowry of virgins."
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Cool Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-24-2013, 04:17 AM

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Originally Posted by Mindlessly So View Post
7. If God had wanted women to lead, he would have made them 6'2" with commandingly loud, low-frequency voices and lots of muscle to deter any questions.


--Submitted by Mindlessly So
This disappoints me so much! I am a virgin and a lovely cook, yet God saw fit to make me such like a man as to make no man see me as fit, with musculature, height, and voice many women would be ashamed of!

Maybe I did something in a previous life...I swear I saw most of those words on my own wanted poster once.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-24-2013, 05:26 AM

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Originally Posted by CallMeAWitchThen View Post
This disappoints me so much! I am a virgin and a lovely cook, yet God saw fit to make me such like a man as to make no man see me as fit, with musculature, height, and voice many women would be ashamed of!

Maybe I did something in a previous life...I swear I saw most of those words on my own wanted poster once.
A previous life?



Are you some kind of hindoo or something? They believe in that crap.



Nope, you only live once and you only die once (Hebrews 9:27, etc.). Stick with the Bible before you lose everything.

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth


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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-24-2013, 07:45 AM

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Originally Posted by Mindlessly So View Post
4. Make sure that your decibel level when speaking is at least -6dB below that of your husband, father, brother, etc, unless you are praising the Lord or thanking the men for something.
-6dB ? .? ..? ...?
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 07-24-2013, 07:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CallMeAWitchThen View Post
This disappoints me so much! I am a virgin and a lovely cook, yet God saw fit to make me such like a man as to make no man see me as fit, with musculature, height, and voice many women would be ashamed of!

Maybe I did something in a previous life...I swear I saw most of those words on my own wanted poster once.
Are you trying to say you are a transexualist?



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1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 09-05-2013, 04:01 AM

For the women who are too lazy (or stupid) to read - there is a handy, dandy instructional video.

Enjoy





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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 09-07-2013, 06:13 PM

This is hilarious!

"His topics of conversation are more important than yours."

In his dreams!
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 09-07-2013, 06:18 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by No Secrets Victoria View Post
14. Keep your big mouth shut when he says! You must respect him by being quiet and not saying anything unnecessary

If only more women could follow this simple request!

I am tired of listening to pathetic women cry about being kept in line and/or being slapped by their husbands. It's simple ladies: Shut your mouth and get back in the kitchen. Your husband won't be forced to discipline you if you are busy doing what you were born to do!

LORD, you maketh me from ADAM'S RIB, I am blessed. Amen
Victoria,

I know you're speaking tongue in cheek, but it is unfortunate that women are sometimes abused like this; it's not a laughing matter. I knew a woman that was slapped for using too much salt in a dish she had worked on for her boyfriend's birthday. This guy just needed mental help.

The first man that ever laid a hand on me better have a good lawyer and bond money. Actually, he better be able to counteract my karate kicks.

Prim
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Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 09-07-2013, 08:06 PM

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Originally Posted by Primrose Dawn View Post
Victoria,

I know you're speaking tongue in cheek, but it is unfortunate that women are sometimes abused like this; it's not a laughing matter. I knew a woman that was slapped for using too much salt in a dish she had worked on for her boyfriend's birthday. This guy just needed mental help.

The first man that ever laid a hand on me better have a good lawyer and bond money. Actually, he better be able to counteract my karate kicks.

Prim
It's women like you who give Christian women a bad name.

Why, I bet you even use frozen orange juice and store bought pie crusts.




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Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 09-07-2013, 08:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
It's women like you who give Christian women a bad name.
Amen, Sister!

Primrose Dawn, why do you have your fingers in your ears?



2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


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Primrose Dawn Primrose Dawn is offline
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Primrose Dawn is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Primrose Dawn is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Primrose Dawn is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.Primrose Dawn is a sorcerer and idolater who follows false gods and will rot in Hell.
Default Re: Handy Tips for New Wives - 09-07-2013, 08:16 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
It's women like you who give Christian women a bad name.

Why, I bet you even use frozen orange juice and store bought pie crusts.
Actually, I make fresh squeezed every work day before I head to my office. As for pie crusts, I can make them from scratch without a recipe. Why would you be so catty? I did nothing to you. Again: "Water off a duck's back, water off a duck's back, These words bring all that your words lack. When those on earth would push and shove, Jesus brings His peace and love."
 

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