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  • WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

    Ladies,

    I am distressed by the low quality of cooking good Christian men are having to suffer these days. I have even heard, on good authority, that a certain wife (whom I will not name) has even been caught trying to feed her husband tofu. TOFU!

    Since I don't know anything about recipies or how to find them, I have instead decided to hold up restaurant dishes as an example of what a proper day's cooking should be:

    (I've even included nutritional information so you ladies can work out your weight-watchers calculations)

    Breakfast:

    Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes:


    Nutritional Information:
    1,540 calories
    77 g fat
    (9 g trans fat)
    198 g carbs
    (109 g sugar)

    Coffee:

    Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (30 fl oz):



    I know, it doesnt actually have coffee in it, but I'm using this as an example of what Coffee should be like.

    Nutritional Information: 900 calories
    10 g fat
    183 g carbs
    (166 g sugar)

    Lunch:

    Quizno's Chicken Carbonara (large):

    Nutritional Information: 1,510 calories
    82 g fat 3,750 mg sodium

    Appetizers:

    Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing:


    Nutritional Information:
    2,900 calories
    182 g fat

    Chili's Awesome Blossom:


    2,710 calories
    203 g fat 194 g carbs
    6,360 mg sodium

    Main Course:

    Lonestar 20 oz T-bone with baked Potato and Lettuce Wedge:


    Nutritional Information: 2,700 calories

    Salad:

    On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef:


    Nutritional information: 1,450 calories
    102 g fat 78 g carbs
    2,410 mg sodium

    Dessert:

    Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream:

    Nutritional Information: 1,600 calories
    78 g fat
    Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 12-31-2008, 06:18 PM.
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  • #2
    Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

    Are you aware that would be a grand total of 15,310 calories!?!?! OMG!!! You'd die of heart disease in three years! Well, that's a guess... But still, human fat is valued at 3300 calories per pound. That would mean that if you got used to eating like that without exercising you could gain almost 5lbs a day!!! That's ridiculous. Even if you shared half that food with you're wife you'd both get mega fat within a year. How about something less fattening. Like eggs toast and fruit for breakfast, turkey on sourdough with veggies for lunch, and steak or chicken with veggies and iced tea for dinner. My daddy always liked sweets on special occasions like birthdays, parties, and celebrations. Not every night. He was also a prolific body builder, and won Mr. Arkansas 6 times. Don't encourage women to kill their husbands through food. That kinda of junk is bad for you. I'd suggest you leave cooking and meal planning to the women since all you have to do is eat it.
    Willpower rules the world.

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    • #3
      Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

      Well you've got me smacking my lips, Brother. I think I'll have sister Thumper come over and whip that dinner up for me tonight.
      Who Will Jesus Damn?

      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

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      • #4
        Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

        YUM!! I think I'll have breakfast again today!

        I wish I didn't have to go to In'n'out to get my animal fries. The name in'n'out carries sexual innuendo which makes me nervous, and if you remove a couple of letters you can add 'urge' to the end. Terrible.

        Anyway, on to the fries:


        That's 600 calories and 300 mg. sodium.
        Heart attack on a plate? Yes. Amazingly good? Yesssss!

        Smothered in cheese, diced caramelized onions, and secret sauce, these are a great substitute when you aren't anywhere near Ben's Chili Bowl in Washington, DC. The fries are kind of weighed down by all the toppings, though, so it kind of makes you wish for a thicker-cut potato . . . .

        Or how about a 20x20 burger? There's a slice of cheese between each patty to keep them from slipping around. How do you eat that?
        May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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        • #5
          Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

          Originally posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
          Ladies,

          I am distressed by the low quality of cooking good Christian men are having to suffer these days. I have even heard, on good authority, that a certain wife (whom I will not name) has even been caught trying to feed her husband tofu. TOFU!
          I hope she lost a few good-behavior days for that. Both the Old and New Testaments contain dietary instructions, and they don't mention tofu, so how could even a mere female get the outlandish notion that we're supposed to eat it?
          This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

          Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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          • #6
            Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

            Originally posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
            Wow, that looks correctly cooked. I love a nice plate of E Coli.

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            • #7
              Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

              You Australians need to learn how to cook your meat.
              May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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              • #8
                Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                Nobar King, 'cooking' food means you apply heat to it until it is sufficiently dead.
                That animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.

                Of course, it is totally up to personal opinion when your steak is deemed done. I was being sarcastic. You were being condescending.

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                • #9
                  Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                  Originally posted by Dr Clifford Ross View Post
                  Nobar King, 'cooking' food means you apply heat to it until it is sufficiently dead.
                  That animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.
                  .
                  thats funny.
                  The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine."
                  Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL

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                  • #10
                    Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                    Originally posted by Dr Clifford Ross View Post
                    Nobar, that animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.
                    ewww...
                    May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                      Originally posted by VictoryOS View Post
                      Yum, cheeseburgers! Does anybody else typically get two orders of fries at a time? I love fries!
                      I am quite partial to those chili cheese fries they serve at the "Heap Big Ha-Ha-Hee-Hee Injun Cheif Diner" down on Coon Avenue in Freehold.

                      Originally posted by Dr Clifford Ross View Post
                      Nobar King, 'cooking' food means you apply heat to it until it is sufficiently dead.
                      That animal looks as if it will get up and start eating your salad when you turn your back.
                      You might want to take a look at THIS thread, miss feminazi loudmouth. Only men know how to deal with meat.
                      Who Will Jesus Damn?

                      Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                      Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                      Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                        Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                        Only men know how to deal with meat.

                        I'm sure the men of Landover spend quite a bit of time dealing with their meat.
                        Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

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                        • #13
                          Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                          Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                          I'm sure the men of Landover spend quite a bit of time dealing with their meat.
                          You probably think that's funny, huh? Making jokes about real Christian men's 'meat'? You should be learning how to do a woman's work, so when *if* a man is ever captured by you there will be someone to take care of him.

                          Real Christian men go hunting and provide REAL meat for their families. Look at this buck, it will feed a family for a month! We'll have steaks and ribs, and other parts will go in the smokehouse to make some real mountain jerkey.
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                          May you be a blessing to every life you touch.

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                          • #14
                            Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                            Originally posted by Nobar King View Post
                            You probably think that's funny, huh? Making jokes about real Christian men's 'meat'? You should be learning how to do a woman's work, so when *if* a man is ever captured by you there will be someone to take care of him.

                            Real Christian men go hunting and provide REAL meat for their families. Look at this buck, it will feed a family for a month! We'll have steaks and ribs, and other parts will go in the smokehouse to make some real mountain jerkey.

                            I have a man, and we take care of each other.

                            And I agree with you that venison is delicious.
                            Now that Obama has won the election there will be big black cock for every white woman!!!

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                            • #15
                              Re: WIVES TAKE NOTE: A proper day's cooking!

                              Originally posted by Dances with Joy View Post
                              I'm sure the men of Landover spend quite a bit of time dealing with their meat.
                              I handle all Pastor Zeke's meat. I know just how it likes it done.
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