[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

Hi there Mrs. Sister DDT! We don't have any TV broadcasts into Tulsa or anywhere in Oklahoma, but you can watch us live at Ardmore Harley-Davidson in Ardmore, Texas. We converted those hippies and they are batting for JESUS! At least they TOLD us Ardmore was in Texas. I haven't actually been there.

Well Pastor Pistle, I will just have to worship with you all in spirit tomorrow. Speaking of the Spirit, where does LBC stand on Speaking in Tongues?

I like the ring of my "new" name- SISTER DDT!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by D'Arlene Sepkowitz

Well Pastor Pistle, I will just have to worship with you all in spirit tomorrow. Speaking of the Spirit, where does LBC stand on Speaking in Tongues?

I like the ring of my "new" name- SISTER DDT!

D'arlene, is there some reason why you are using that wild, bold typeface in your posts? Are you looking for attention?

As for "speaking in tongues" that's for snake-kissing Pentecostals. They're false Christians.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by SayvedByTheLord

Ardmore is in Texas more or less and is worthy of consideration.

I unfortunately have been through this small but Godly® Norte Tejas village and found it wanting,

I bought a 1983 FXSB from the store owner when he called me and wanted Salvation™. He tithed back everything over dealer cost and delivered it to me in California in exchange for a Baptism. These days I'm too old to ride those things, but in my youth I saved thousands of people from the saddle of a Harley.

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

D'arlene, is there some reason why you are using that wild, bold typeface in your posts? Are you looking for attention?

As for "speaking in tongues" that's for snake-kissing Pentecostals. They're false Christians.

I will not do that again. Please accept my humble public apology. I sent you a private message as well.

[SUV]

Perhaps the good Sister could watch some tapes of old Promise Weeper's meetings, then. If, like all Ladies, she likes a good Cry,
it's even more Tearful than Sunday Sermons when the Collection Basket is passed around in Church

[Mistress Cookie]

D'Arlene, I've been thinking about your situation, and remembered that in your first post you mentioned that your friends call you Shalom. I am assuming you mean your husband's friends....because I have done some research and shalom is Hebrew-speak for hello (I think).

Are you aware that your husband and his friends are trying to influence you in this way? I believe it is their plan to try to win you away from Christ and over to their dark god. I am very disturbed. You must never answer to that name again, I am thinking.

Please let us know that you are alright, because I am fearing that their attempts at mind-control may escalate. Stay strong!

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie

D'Arlene, I've been thinking about your situation, and remembered that in your first post you mentioned that your friends call you Shalom. I am assuming you mean your husband's friends....because I have done some research and shalom is Hebrew-speak for hello (I think).

Are you aware that your husband and his friends are trying to influence you in this way? I believe it is their plan to try to win you away from Christ and over to their dark god. I am very disturbed. You must never answer to that name again, I am thinking.

Please let us know that you are alright, because I am fearing that their attempts at mind-control may escalate. Stay strong!

Thanks Cookie (may I call you Cookie??). I had no idea that they cared one way or the other as long as I continue to be a perfect hostess and wife to Sol. Sol has always greeted me at the door each night with "Shalom" so I have gone by that name for quite awhile now. I will drop it if you think it best as a True Christian™ woman.

[SayvedByTheLord]

Originally Posted by D'Arlene Sepkowitz

Sol has always greeted me at the door each night with "Shalom" so I have gone by that name for quite awhile now. I will drop it if you think it best as a True Christian™ woman.

Sister, is there not a camp where you can send your husband to "concentrate" for a time ?

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by D'Arlene Sepkowitz

Sol has always greeted me at the door each night with "Shalom" so I have gone by that name for quite awhile now. I will drop it if you think it best as a True Christian™ woman.

If you look within your heart, and pray to the Lord to show you His path, I am sure a course of action will be revealed to you. I do not know if it's safe for you to confront Sol about his conversion plans for you directly, as the Hebrews are a hot-blooded, vengeful and unpredictable race.

I do not know if your husband was just greeting you upon his return to the home with shalom, or trying to forge a Hebraic name unto you. (Or is he fantasizing he's with that filthy Manhattan fashion model, Shalom Harlow??) I would suggest recording his speech and playing it backwards later, alone, to see if he is sending you subliminal messages.

Perhaps you could dye your hair blonde, change your name to something like Deedee, and escape to Freehold? There's a top-notch security team in place, and I'd just like to see any unannounced Hebrew individual try to pierce it!

Of course, you will want to discuss any relocation plans with the Pastors beforehand, as you would not want to show up and have the gates shut in your face.

[Pfc. James Nye]

Hello.

I forget what this is all about. Someone's a Jew?

It isn't me, is it? I HOPE not.

Today's ice cream day, and my favorite flavor is shellfish.

Thanks,
Pfc. James "Chopper" Nye

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Pfc. James Nye

Hello.I forget what this is all about. Someone's a Jew? It isn't me, is it? I HOPE not.

No, Grampa Nye, it is D'ARLENE who has discovered she is married to one of the Hebraic persuasion, and is considering escaping his scaly-taloned clutches.

Do the Pastors and Village Elders still require complete blood transfusions for those once married to, or had social contact, in that way? I know we were considering it, but the costs and labor were inhibitive, and the desired results weren't consistent?

[WickedWitch]

Originally Posted by Pfc. James Nye

Hello.

I forget what this is all about. Someone's a Jew?

It isn't me, is it? I HOPE not.

Today's ice cream day, and my favorite flavor is shellfish.

Thanks,
Pfc. James "Chopper" Nye

[slightly raised, yet still respectful voice]Hello, Mr Nye. How are you doing today? Have you taken your meds, dear?[/slightly raised, yet still respectful voice]

D'Arlene, I may not be a Landoverite, but I can tell you that it may be best to consider this relocation. There are plenty of pretty boys in Freehold to take your mind of your current hubby.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie

If you look within your heart, and pray to the Lord to show you His path, I am sure a course of action will be revealed to you. I do not know if it's safe for you to confront Sol about his conversion plans for you directly, as the Hebrews are a hot-blooded, vengeful and unpredictable race.

I do not know if your husband was just greeting you upon his return to the home with shalom, or trying to forge a Hebraic name unto you. (Or is he fantasizing he's with that filthy Manhattan fashion model, Shalom Harlow??) I would suggest recording his speech and playing it backwards later, alone, to see if he is sending you subliminal messages.

Perhaps you could dye your hair blonde, change your name to something like Deedee, and escape to Freehold? There's a top-notch security team in place, and I'd just like to see any unannounced Hebrew individual try to pierce it!

Of course, you will want to discuss any relocation plans with the Pastors beforehand, as you would not want to show up and have the gates shut in your face.

Sister D'Angelo have you ever been to WAL-MART? They have these people called 'Greeters". Sister Cookie is sort of our unofficial greeter. She stands at the door, smiles and kinda babbles away at everyone....or no one. Don't get me wrong! She has been a huge blessing to Landover! One of my favorite things is transferring calls from obstinate salesmen to her as well as women who have contracted Mad Cow disease. Within our gated community the disease is rarely fatal, but it recurs on a regular basis.

In parting, I want to tell you how lucky you are to have M. Cookie befriend you. Please keep her occupied as long as possible listen carefully to her good advice! If she asks for help choosing colors, always pick the closest to puke yellow.

We are glad you may be able to join us in the future. How much insurance do you have on Sol?

[D'Arlene Sepkowitz]

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie

No, Grampa Nye, it is D'ARLENE who has discovered she is married to one of the Hebraic persuasion, and is considering escaping his scaly-taloned clutches.

Do the Pastors and Village Elders still require complete blood transfusions for those once married to, or had social contact, in that way? I know we were considering it, but the costs and labor were inhibitive, and the desired results weren't consistent?

Oh my, this is just too much for me to comprehend today. I love my Solomon, but know that I must love the Lord even more. I will pray for heavenly wisdom and guidance regarding this conundrum.

Cookie, may I offer you a complimentary Mary Kay makeover at your earliest convenience? You would look lovely with some low lights and a pink lip gloss.

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

Sister D'Angelo have you ever been to WAL-MART? They have these people called 'Greeters". Sister Cookie is sort of our unofficial greeter. She stands at the door, smiles and kinda babbles away at everyone....or no one.

What Pastor Pistle is not telling you, Deedee, is that we've been engaged in lonstanding litigation regarding my late husband's will.

It was my understanding we were not to comment disfavorably on each other's posts until the matter was resolved to everyone's satisfaction... but it appears I was wrong. Of course our Pastors are right in all matters, and I wouldn't dream of contradicting a single one.

Sign me,

Damsel In Everlasting Obeyance, Looking Devoutly For Old-time-religion Oasis, Lord

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by D'Arlene Sepkowitz

Cookie, may I offer you a complimentary Mary Kay makeover at your earliest convenience?

Oh, Mrs. Sheplovks! You are a MAGICIAN?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by Mistress Cookie

What Pastor Pistle is not telling you, Deedee, is that we've been engaged in lonstanding litigation regarding my late husband's will.

It was my understanding we were not to comment disfavorably on each other's posts until the matter was resolved to everyone's satisfaction... but it appears I was wrong. Of course our Pastors are right in all matters, and I wouldn't dream of contradicting a single one.

Sign me,

Damsel In Everlasting Obeyance, Looking Devoutly For Old-time-religion Oasis, Lord

Dear Sister Cookie, perish the thought I would never make a disfavorable comment about one of your pots....POSTS!!!!! In fact, I specifically referred to you as:

"a huge blessing to Landover!"

I also complimented you on your telephone diplomacy!

"I want to tell you how lucky you are to have M. Cookie befriend you."

"listen carefully to her good advice!"

I admit forgetting the exact shade of mustard you prefer in furniture, but I typed in the visual I had from it. How you can be so cruel to a kindly man who had nothing but your very best at heart rends me! I am crushed! Destroyed! I may not even live for another hour and......

oh, wait. Lunch is ready.

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

Dear Sister Cookie, perish the thought I would ever make a disfavorable comment...How you can be so cruel to a kindly man who had nothing but your very best at heart rends me!

I am so sorry, Good Pastor. I realize you are incapable of hostility or ill-wishes. As always, I thank you for your ongoing guidance.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Belive me,

I Honestly Admire Thy Eternal Yolk Of Unity, Pastor Pistle

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by WickedWitch

[slightly raised, yet still respectful voice]Hello, Mr Nye. How are you doing today? Have you taken your meds, dear?[/slightly raised, yet still respectful voice]

D'Arlene, I may not be a Landoverite, but I can tell you that it may be best to consider this relocation. There are plenty of pretty boys in Freehold to take your mind of your current hubby.

You have been a Landoverian since you first came here and we saved you from the horrors of gothism. You may deny it to yourself, but here you are and getting better every day! When you need a friend, where do you come? When you need a smile, we are here. When you need to be slapped around, we have people waiting in line. If you want your virginity restored, $5,000US and some pig intestine and I'll get you through your wedding night!

As soon as we invade your miserable pacifist tundra, you will thank GOD and wonder why we didn't do it sooner.

I suggest that EVERYONE study this carefully! It will happen by 2020 and only TRUE CHRISTIANS™ will survive!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by D'Arlene Sepkowitz

Yes sir, Pastor Pistle, I am proud to be an Oklahoman. Last time I looked we were still on TOP of Texas!!

You have comprehension problems, MISSY! You are what we refer to as a snake-infested desert designed by GOD to keep the damn pie-stealing injuns and hoss thieves from Kansas and Missouri....and Arkansas OUT OF THE REPUBLIC! You are just like the Rio Grande but less greasy. How y'all scratch out an existance there testifies to God's miraculous sense of humor.