Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES!
Reload this Page I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend!
MEET CHRISTIAN SINGLES! Who knows? The love of your life might be here! All the single men are GODLY and all the single ladies are virgins...........for the most part.

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
(#1)
Old
Bob's Avatar
Bob Bob is offline
Electrified by Jesus
Forum Member

Virgin Virgin Friend of Jesus Protected by JESUS

 
Posts: 95
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Mom's basement
Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.Bob has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default I am Bob and I want a Christian girlfriend! - 04-18-2014, 10:11 AM

Attila's Wife said I should make a post here. My mom agreed. I am Bob. My mom says I am a catch. My father left the house. He left for a Catholic priest who is 27 years older than him. They know each other for a long time. My mom says all Catholics will burn in Hell because they ignore the Bible. I also collect small stones.

If you want to be my girlfriend you have to ask my mom. She wants to be sure you are not a slut before you become my girlfriend. I cannot wait to get a girlfriend. My mom says it will be any day now.

I got this list from my Pastor. They are tips from the Bible for finding a girlfriend. I hope it helps me finding a girlfriend.

1) Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 21:11-13)

2) “Lay hold on” a virgin who is not betrothed to another man, and "know" her, but afterwards pay her father a sum of money. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 22:28-29)

3) Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)

4) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.--Moses (Ex. 2:16-21)

5) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.--Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)

6) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.--Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)

7) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.--Adam (Gen. 2:19-24)

8) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife.--Jacob (Gen. 29:15-30)

9) Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.--David (1 Sam. 18:27)

10) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone.--Cain (Gen. 4:16-17)

11) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.--Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)

12) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.”--Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

13) Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though.)--David (2 Sam. 11)

14) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law!)--Onan and Boaz (Deut. or Lev., example in Ruth)

15) Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.--Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)

16) A wife?--Paul (1st Corinthians, chapter 7)


Bob's mom: "Bob is 'special' and unemployed but otherwise a catch!"

John 20:29: "...blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed."
Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved