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Default Oprah Winfrey tells people to use penis lotion - 04-07-2013, 05:22 AM

Hello Landover Baptist Church.

There is a woman who lives down the street who smells like strawberries and she told me I should use lotion to make my wrinkles go away. I told her I do not think lotion makes wrinkles go away but she said she had some lotion that does. I asked her if it has strawberries in it but she said she did not know what it has in it. She told me the lotion is called SkinMedica.

I put SkinMedica in the Google. It is made from human foreskins. I am not making this up you can put the words SkinMedica and foreskin in the Google and you will see. One of the people who tells people to use this lotion is Oprah Winfrey. She is a colored woman who has a television show.

I can not imagine how many human foreskins it takes to make a bottle of lotion. There is a Bible verse Joshua 5:3 that says this:

And Joshua made him sharp knives, and circumcised the children of Israel at the hill of the foreskins.

God told Joshua to do this. I do not know if the hill is made of foreskins or if it is called that because people went there to be circumsized. A hill made out of foreskins would make a lot of lotion.

There is also a story in the Bible about using foreskins as a wedding present but I do not have it marked with a Post-It note.

Thank you.

Rusty

P.S. I would rather have wrinkles.


Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
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Default Re: Oprah Winfrey tells people to use penis lotion - 04-07-2013, 07:55 AM

Thank you for alerting us to this bizarre development, Russell.

That lady who lives on your street must be so vain! Have you talked to her about the Bible?


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Default Re: Oprah Winfrey tells people to use penis lotion - 04-07-2013, 08:18 AM

I think the quote you're looking for Rusty is in Samuel. It looks like they just went out and harvested the foreskins from the Philistines - and took twice as many as they needed. It's always nice to have some extra stock for contingencies. I do this myself when establishing budgets - I think they call it a reserve.

Quote:
And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines.

And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired.

Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.

- 1 Samuel 18:25-27


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Default Re: Oprah Winfrey tells people to use penis lotion - 04-08-2013, 01:39 AM

Hello WilliamJenningsBryan.

That is the story I was thinking about. When I first read that story I thought the king wanted a bunch of foreskins but I read it again and then I read it again and I think he just wanted the Philistines dead. The foreskins were just a bonus.

Some of the guys I was with in Vietnam saved the ears of people they had killed but I was a doorgunner so I did not see the people I killed afterwards so I do not have any trophy ears. Since many of the people we killed were women saving the ears probably made more sense.

Girls do not have foreskins.

Thank you.

Rusty


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