Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow. |
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
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Posts: 12,662
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Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-16-2011, 06:04 PM
Is there any particular reason you searched for a thread about m*st*rbation that's been dead for over two years?
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-16-2011, 06:21 PM
It's pretty obvious. He is a Christian who wanted to look-up if doing it was okay.
Just so you know, every guy does it whether consciously or unconsciously, if he hasn't seen action for about a month.
I like to believe that God looks away or does something else when I am doing it with a girl or m*st*rb*t*ng.
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-16-2011, 07:24 PM
Oops, followed a link, and didn't notice the dates - ^ but yes it was something like that.
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True Christian™
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 01:35 AM
Dear Friend,
Quote:
Originally Posted by rocknroll
Just so you know, every guy does it whether consciously or unconsciously, if he hasn't seen action for about a month.
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Not me! Click on the scissors by my name.
You have a choice, too!
Yours in Him,
BAB
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 03:05 AM
The technical term for it is nocturnal emission.
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 03:05 AM
Being a bit of an exhibitionist, I really don't mind him watching.
I just wonder what he is doing while he is watching me?
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True Christian™
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 03:08 AM
Dear Friend,
Quote:
Originally Posted by doc_haynes
Being a bit of an exhibitionist, I really don't mind him watching.
I just wonder what he is doing while he is watching me?
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Squinting.
Yours in Him,
BAB
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 03:13 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by doc_haynes
Being a bit of an exhibitionist, I really don't mind him watching.
I just wonder what he is doing while he is watching me?
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Squirming.
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 03:21 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Bob
Dear Friend,
Squinting.
Yours in Him,
BAB
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LOL Too funny!
So are you saying,
that God can make a penis so small
that Jesus can't see it?
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 03:29 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by rocknroll
Squirming.
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When you say squirming,
do you mean it like he is feeling sickened and his stomach is crawling?
Or do you mean like when someone sees something, that turns them on and they get that squirming feeling down there below their stomach?
Hoping to clarify your meaning.
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 04:26 AM
I cannot believe I was given an infraction for my comment above.
I am new to Christianity and I have many questions, as there is much that I do not understand about Jesus and the Bible and God and all that stuff.
If I am going to get infractions every time I try to find a deeper understanding, then perhaps this is not the site for me.
Perhaps Christianity might even be the wrong religion for me.
I hope that is not the case, because I know I am a sinner and I would not want to go and burn in Hell. That does not sound pleasant at all.
However, if I am going to be chastised for asking simple and honest questions, then what other alternative do I have?
In my comment above, I did not use any profanity, nor did I attack anyone. I do have the sinking feeling that I was attacked though, with the "squinting" and "squirming" replies. But I am willing to give the benefit of the doubt, that maybe I just misunderstood the replies. Even if they were attacks, I am willing to forgive, because that is something that I have learned is a big thing in Christianity. My apologies if my innocent questions were taken the wrong way, but I do feel that the infraction was unjust and without merit.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-17-2011, 04:28 AM
If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.
If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.
You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.
Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-20-2011, 10:55 PM
I used to be a chronic masturbator too, but then jesus came to me and told me to stop or i'd go to hell and burn under satan's ass for all eternity. That was when i stopped and devoted my life to christ. I feel as if i'm a whole new person. I no longer have dubious thoughts and it feels as if a ton of stones has just been lifted from my shoulders.
Masturbation can lead to all kinds of diseases too. God hates it, and you will go to hell if you do it.
I can tell you that praying to god gives a million times more pleasure than whacking off ever did.
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-20-2011, 11:17 PM
If this is the case, Jesus is a CREEPER
Ezekiel 25:17: "I will execute great vengeance on them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord. When I lay My vengeance upon them."
PRO 4:7 "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding." ECC 1:18 "For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow."
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Recovering Bastard Head of Landover Glee Club
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-21-2011, 12:50 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RagingLiberal
If this is the case, Jesus is a CREEPER
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How dare you! You'll burn in Hell for that faggotry!
Ha ha I hope we both die tonight so I can watch you suffer! PLEASE LET IT BE TONIGHT, LORD!
The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, are withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men.~Joel 1:12
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-29-2011, 12:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by RagingLiberal
If this is the case, Jesus is a CREEPER
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If your neighbor is in his garden watering the flowers and gardening and you will step in front of him and start to wank off, would you call him creeper or would you be pervert that law would punish?
Whole world is God's own garden and when you commit your pervert acts, you do them on purpose in front of God. That is why you'll be punished and you will burn in hell.
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
03-30-2011, 05:41 PM
Well then, I'll just have to move up from twice a day to 5 times a day since I have an audience to please!
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
04-02-2011, 09:58 PM
Hi, where can I get this video? Masturbation has ruined my life after my wife found out I still do it. She has left me and taken my son too. Long story.
I have to see my son again.
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
04-03-2011, 01:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
He is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. I'd like to see you try and arrest Him, maggot.
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I'm not convinced there is a god to be honest... honestly no disrespect, totally none so I would hope that you wouldn't have any for me and my lifestyle, lets just point that out from that start. But although you guys say that being gay is like a sin and everything.... like... people cant help it, not to just put it out there I'm gay and its something your born with, you cant change it. Sooooo why would god make me gay? You know what I mean? Pretty complicated if you ask me... although the worst part about it is that if I cant make something stop or I need something sooo bad I still pray to god to help. hmm interesting huh.. ps. Ezekiel ur sooo handsome!
Again no disrespect, I've read some posts in the noob section and one of the pastors said that he likes the kind of person that has solid debates, not someone that is just ranting so I'm not ranting... hopefully I didn't offend anyone.
This space is reserved for posting KJV Scripture ONLY. --ADMIN
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
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Re: Jesus is watching you masturbate -
04-03-2011, 03:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jtkode
I'm not convinced there is a god to be honest... honestly no disrespect, totally none so I would hope that you wouldn't have any for me and my lifestyle, lets just point that out from that start. But although you guys say that being gay is like a sin and everything.... like... people cant help it, not to just put it out there I'm gay and its something your born with, you cant change it. Sooooo why would god make me gay? You know what I mean? Pretty complicated if you ask me... although the worst part about it is that if I cant make something stop or I need something sooo bad I still pray to god to help. hmm interesting huh.. ps. Ezekiel ur sooo handsome!
Again no disrespect, I've read some posts in the noob section and one of the pastors said that he likes the kind of person that has solid debates, not someone that is just ranting so I'm not ranting... hopefully I didn't offend anyone.
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