[Mary Etheldreda]

With a bold move that reminds the world of His Sovereignty (Lamentations 3:37), Jesus smites Abstinence and Biblical Values spokesperson with a humiliating public and private defeat.

Following a seven-year custody battle with her ex-fiancé, Levi Johnston, Palin loses custody in one of two law suits with as many baby-daddies. Johnston announced the news in a Facebook post [now deleted] on Wednesday, saying the $100,000 in legal fees was worth it to have joint custody of his 7-year-old son, Tripp, with Bristol Palin.

I’m so happy to have my son in my life, and to put all this back in (sic) forth in the courts behind me

Reminiscent of the last guy Jesus smited just to show He can, the memorable Job, of the Book of Job fame, Palin told People Magazine she did nothing wrong. She also took the time to remind us of the importance of a two parent family for all children, except hers.

Palin has made a comfortable living publicly cheer-leading Biblical Values, and reminding teens of her vow to remain abstinent until married, a tiny oversight she has yet to complete successfully from promise to altar. Twice. But Jesus is merciful, and rewarded her with nearly a million US Dollars for speaking out against safe sex. She shares her humble life as a struggling single mom who lived in a $400,000 lakefront home.

Abstinence only is a hotly contested topic in America, as the faithful know the value of shaming procreation outside the sanctity of a Biblical Marriage (one man, one woman, within one race, one person making the important decisions, one following faithfully, without making a big production out of lost career opportunities, previous boyfriends' professional success, or mothers-in-law who don't understand why no one buys Velveeta any more). Heathens, on the other hand, are suckered by facts and data that show abstinence only programs are functionally ineffective, despite dropping 1.5 billion USD onto secular government programs inspired by and based on faith claims, programs which just so happen to increase the risk of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

In any case, Bristol Palin has been soundly smited by Jesus, in a bold turn of events that show He can and will still throw a smack-down on any one of His faithful, just because He can (Psalm 115:3)! I think, and this is just a personal opinion, but I personally think He does this just to mess with the atheists' data. Atheists like to harp on and on about how it is an optical illusion to believe praying to Jesus is more effective than praying to a jug of milk, but the fact is, Jesus isn't beholden to our prayers. He can, and as we can see, will answer prayers, even before they're spoken, and even before they're conceived, with a show-stopping NO! Take that, atheists!


Bristol Palin, still working out
how to Abstinence

[Elmer G. White]

Dear Sister in Christ,

I also find it appropriate that we consider Bristol Palin to be the modern-day Job. The story of Job is exquisite as it shows that nothing is certain. God is a wanton entity and the life of a single man can be a useful tool to teach us some eternal Truths™. Now this fate and privilege has fallen upon Bristol Palin.



Exactly as Job, Miss (Mrs? I never seem to be able to decipher the marital status of this Godly woman) Palin has done everything humanely possible to please God. Now it is time to see how she tolerates the random punishments by Jesus. Job did an excellent job (pun intended, in fact, it shows that Jesus does not lack a sense of humor), although he suffered some collateral damage.

Job 1:19
And, behold, there came a great wind from the wilderness, and smote the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young men, and they are dead; and I only am escaped alone to tell thee.

God smote Job's family sending them into Hell but Job still praised the Lord. He did such good job (pun intended, in fact, it shows that Jesus does not lack a sense of humor) that Lord God Himself discussed some important matters, such as dinosaurs (Job 40:15) with Mr. Job. There is also another lesson to be learned here. Job persisted in Faith. He received a nice new family (Job 42:13-14). Everything was OK, more than OK.


Was it?


Actually, it was NOT. Job never embraced Jesus Christ our Savior. Bristol Palin does. Hence, Job is permanently in Hell with both his families while Bristol Palin will be with Jesus.

The True™ message of the story of Job is here. It is not the total acceptance of God's smiting jokes as claimed by atheist academic exegetics. The message is Jesus. God can smite you and reward you but only Jesus can take you into Heaven. As I write this, Mr. Job regrets between his whining and gnashing of teeth (Matthew 13:42) that he did everything right except the ONE thing that matters:

John 3:18
He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

This makes Bristol Palin a much better person than Mr. Job, in fact, infinitely better.



Yours in Christ,

Elmer

[Pastor Ezekiel]

As most of you now, the restraining order that prevents me from contacting or being within 5 miles of Bristol Palin is still in effect. But let me assure you, this girl is a whore of the worst kind and a pathological liar to boot.

Any further mention, even a hint, implicating me as the father of her most recent bastard child will be met with fire and brimstone.

[Father Maurice Lester]

Jesus commands of us to forgive those who transgress as it is only His to judge. Even when an obvious town mattress is tossing her charms around like they were bird-feed in an pigeon storm, we must pray for her and work to bringing her into the fold of believers.

This is, admittedly, a difficult case as she has been putting the Trump in strumpet since her early teens but we Catholics know that a good confession and a few bucks in the basket can go a long way to salvation.

Sadly, her sins are greater than just lust as she has lied greatly during her first pregnancy and went so far as to pretend to be a Catholic and sought out Holy Confession! She even went so far as to pull the old 'Impregnated by the Holy Spirit' routine... as if she expected anyone to believe there were ever three wise men and a virgin in Alaska.

But still we must accept her and her contrition if she accepts Jesus as her saviour and Pope Francis as his spokesman here on earth.




Bless you, my fainéant faldstools,
Father Mo





.

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Aw, bless her heart!

[Walter Van Slyke]

I have always held deep admiration for the Godly Palin women, who have worked tirelessly to promote good, conservative Christian values to a nation that thirsts so desperately for them. (I never hear anything about the Palin men. Where are they?)

It would be hard for me to fathom that persons who do the Lord's work with such fervor would not be bound for eternal glory, as Professor White points out. But it does not matter what I think. Only what God thinks matters.


I would not be surprised if Jesus is using Bristol as the vessel from which he has (and may create more) warriors for Himself the likes of which the world has never seen! (See Romans 8:28).


(Also: somebody please tell me that priest fellow is lying about Bristol flirting with Catylickness.)

[Thomas Taylor]

It's the children I feel sorry for. Poor little bastards.


Deuteronomy 23:2


“A bastard shall not enter into the Congregation of the Lord: euen to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the Congregation of the Lord.”

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Originally Posted by Walter Van Slyke

I have always held deep admiration for the Godly Palin women, who have worked tirelessly to promote good, conservative Christian values to a nation that thirsts so desperately for them. (I never hear anything about the Palin men. Where are they?)

Don't worry - the men have been equally tireless in promoting True Christian values. Link.

Track Palin, 26, was arrested late on Monday night after authorities responded to a domestic disturbance call at a home in Wasilla, Alaska, police said in a statement.
"An investigation revealed Track Palin had committed a domestic violence assault on a female, interfered with her ability to report a crime of domestic violence and possessed a firearm while intoxicated," the statement said.

[Father Maurice Lester]

The father of said strumpet is now circling the drain and hoping God decides to forgive him his uppity wife and licentious daughter.

It seems Mr. Palin got drunk again and crashed his snowmobile, injuring himself badly in the process. While some would suggest this is the first step in preparing Sarah Palin for the role of Fourth Wife; First Lady, I can see a scenario where Trump takes Oven Mitt Romney as a VP, keeps the current mail-order bride AND marries Palin to help cement the Mormon vote.

All of that aside, we should pray for this sinner as God directs to!




Bless you, My Bombastic Bombardiers,
Father Mo




.

[Alvin Moss]

Originally Posted by Father Maurice Lester

The father of said strumpet is now circling the drain and hoping God decides to forgive him his uppity wife and licentious daughter.

It seems Mr. Palin got drunk again and crashed his snowmobile, injuring himself badly in the process. While some would suggest this is the first step in preparing Sarah Palin for the role of Fourth Wife; First Lady, I can see a scenario where Trump takes Oven Mitt Romney as a VP, keeps the current mail-order bride AND marries Palin to help cement the Mormon vote.

All of that aside, we should pray for this sinner as God directs to!




Bless you, My Bombastic Bombardiers,
Father Mo




.

These Palins are from Alaska, where men are men and the women are manly, too. Todd Palin is a God fearing Christian man and I have received the word during my prayers that he will be spared. I feel qualified to make this prophecy because it was the word of God Himself, speaking to me through my prayers. This hardly ever happens, but it is always what actually happens and the Lord is never wrong. I get the idea that there was some kind of sin or something, but that there is true repentance now and all is well; or at least all will be well once the healing takes place and Todd is released from the hospital.