[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

You horrible old meanie!
That was such a wonderful vision, and you had to go and ruin it like that! A question with that. You keep telling the heathens like me that Satan will be sodomizing us for all eternity. Seeing as, if hell existed, billions of people would be in it, how would he manage to sodomize everyone all at once?


And another question there. Seeing as the bible seems to mention that when a person goes to 'heaven' they have their downstairs removed, with all the 'feasting', how exactly would you go to the bathroom? Out your belly or ears? Just curious.

You should spend your time wondering how to save your eternal soul instead of how Pastor Pistle might evacuate his bowels in Heaven. Your mind is firmly fixated on satanic thoughts like the size and staying power of satan's tool, lezbeanism, monkey worship and Pastoral doo-doo logs.

Can't you hear Jesus weeping?

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

You should spend your time wondering how to save your eternal soul instead of how Pastor Pistle might evacuate his bowels in Heaven. Your mind is firmly fixated on satanic thoughts like the size and staying power of satan's tool, lezbeanism, monkey worship and Pastoral doo-doo logs.

Those are all valid questions! If there really is a heaven or hell as you claim, and it really is like you claim, then how is it possible? How do you explain it? How do these things which you claim will happen every day in heaven and hell possibly happen????

Can't you hear Jesus weeping?

That's Jesus? I thought that was some brat on the train.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

Those are all valid questions! If there really is a heaven or hell as you claim, and it really is like you claim, then how is it possible? How do you explain it? How do these things which you claim will happen every day in heaven and hell possibly happen????

I have already explained it in another thread. There are no calories in Heaven, so my etherial strawberries in cream will wisp away like clouds after I eat them. My heavenly body, being a temple, will not require cleaning. I won't study the Bible 20 hours a day any more or worry about sin. I shall never want for anything again. And I will laugh and laugh as all of the pug-ugly virgins who have saved themselves in nunneries are cast into the pit to service the mudslums there.


That's Jesus? I thought that was some brat on the train.

I shan't dignify that with a reply.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

I have already explained it in another thread. There are no calories in Heaven, so my etherial strawberries in cream will wisp away like clouds after I eat them. My heavenly body, being a temple, will not require cleaning. I won't study the Bible 20 hours a day any more or worry about sin. I shall never want for anything again. And I will laugh and laugh as all of the pug-ugly virgins who have saved themselves in nunneries are cast into the pit to service the mudslums there.

That doesn't explain it! By your theory, we poop pure calories then, that can't be true, As it's clear that there is more to poop than just calories and I am not impressed at the direction this reply has taken. Are you happy, knowing the images you've caused in my mind right before my tea break??

And you still haven't explained the whole sodomy thing, how one being could sodomize billions of people at once!

I shan't dignify that with a reply.

*snicker*

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

And you still haven't explained the whole sodomy thing, how one being could sodomize billions of people at once!

My word, but you're insistent on an answer to that one. Did you really come to God's favorite site on the interwebs to find fresh material for the "M" sin? Sometimes you unsaved trash just amaze me.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou

My word, but you're insistent on an answer to that one. Did you really come to God's favorite site on the interwebs to find fresh material for the "M" sin? Sometimes you unsaved trash just amaze me.

It's just that you can't claim something will be happening every day in a place you believe exists and then not explain how it's done! The fact that you CAN'T speaks volumes in itself!

[Glendora Christianson]

Ms. Von Heelclicker, I am tired of your Devilish drivel. Our friend Tammy is in dire need of assistance, yet you seem to tie up our pastors with your M problem! Tammy has also informed me she is a diabetic and is in dire need of insulin syringes. But this thread has been side tracked by your problems not Tammys, so I doubt she will get the help she needs!

PS Tammy says she would like a few extra baby spoons so she'll always have a clean one for her precious child.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Glendora Christianson

Ms. Von Heelclicker, I am tired of your Devilish drivel. Our friend Tammy is in dire need of assistance, yet you seem to tie up our pastors with your M problem! Tammy has also informed me she is a diabetic and is in dire need of insulin syringes. But this thread has been side tracked by your problems not Tammys, so I doubt she will get the help she needs!

Why does everyone keep saying this has something to do with an 'M' problem? How could it?? I'm just asking HOW something which you say happens every day in 'hell' could possibly happen! And so far, NO ONE seems to be able to answer that!
But I'm sorry, Glendora, I didn't mean to derail your thread.

PS Tammy says she would like a few extra baby spoons so she'll always have a clean one for her precious child.

I must confess myself surprised you seem so willing to help out a convicted drug addict felon. Has she bribed you agreed to tithe, then?

[Brother Temperance]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

That doesn't explain it! By your theory, we poop pure calories then, that can't be true, As it's clear that there is more to poop than just calories and I am not impressed at the direction this reply has taken. Are you happy, knowing the images you've caused in my mind right before my tea break??

If waste matter is produced in Heaven, there is no doubt at all about the fact that we will have invisible angels to carry it away and dump it over the heads of sinners such as yourself.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Brother Temperance

If waste matter is produced in Heaven, there is no doubt at all about the fact that we will have invisible angels to carry it away and dump it over the heads of sinners such as yourself.

Airplanes have already done that to people, haven't they?
But my point was how would it exit the body? Seeing as the convenient exit would be removed, would one blow it out their nose?
Just asking.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

Airplanes have already done that to people, haven't they?
But my point was how would it exit the body? Seeing as the convenient exit would be removed, would one blow it out their nose?
Just asking.

As fast as I eat my strawberries in cream in Heaven, and it gets past my virtual taste buds, it will simply disappear into the ether. We won't evacuate bodily wastes because we won't have bodies. We won't need haircuts, we won't get old. The most beautiful women in history will be allowed into our presence on occasion to serve us JESUS' personal beer, which will always be as tasty and refreshing as the first one was at breakfast, and bring the cold lobster salads which are denied to us on earth. We will eat fresh oysters on the half-shell and toss the shells over the side, counting the seconds until they 'boink' some sinner down in the pits. Everything we want will appear instantly.

There are no Bibles and no sin. We have passed the test and graduated! All we have to do is relax and enjoy whatever we like and the only requirement is that when Jesus walks by you must prase Him. Most of us will be allowed to travel to other universes to be Gods ourselves and start our own planets. I am going to draw billions of souls from HELL to take with me, especially all of the clerks who have been rude to me in the past. They thought HELL was bad, but I have some ideas of my own.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

As fast as I eat my strawberries in cream in Heaven, and it gets past my virtual taste buds, it will simply disappear into the ether. We won't evacuate bodily wastes because we won't have bodies. We won't need haircuts, we won't get old. The most beautiful women in history will be allowed into our presence on occasion to serve us JESUS' personal beer, which will always be as tasty and refreshing as the first one was at breakfast, and bring the cold lobster salads which are denied to us on earth. We will eat fresh oysters on the half-shell and toss the shells over the side, counting the seconds until they 'boink' some sinner down in the pits. Everything we want will appear instantly.

So you won't have bodies, you'll have 'virtual bodies'?
With all due respect, you aren't talking about virtual reality here, Pastor. If you won't have bodies then in what will your consciousness reside?

There are no Bibles and no sin. We have passed the test and graduated! All we have to do is relax and enjoy whatever we like and the only requirement is that when Jesus walks by you must prase Him. Most of us will be allowed to travel to other universes to be Gods ourselves and start our own planets. I am going to draw billions of souls from HELL to take with me, especially all of the clerks who have been rude to me in the past. They thought HELL was bad, but I have some ideas of my own.

I can only imagine

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

Why does everyone keep saying this has something to do with an 'M' problem? How could it??

Oh, let's see. There's your undying fascination with this and, in another thread, with bestiality. Or did you mean other than those things?

I must confess myself surprised you seem so willing to help out a convicted drug addict felon. Has she bribed you agreed to tithe, then?

Fine. Criticize Mother Glynndie for showing some Christian compassion. When you're in hell, the devil will constantly remind you of all of the chances that we True Christians™ gave you to Repent®.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by More Saved Than Thou

Oh, let's see. There's your undying fascination with this and, in another thread, with bestiality. Or did you mean other than those things?

I'm more fascinated by the fact that none of you are able to answer the question.

Fine. Criticize Mother Glynndie for showing some Christian compassion. When you're in hell, the devil will constantly remind you of all of the chances that we True Christians™ gave you to Repent®.

I'm just curious as to why she cares about an umarried pregnant woman in prison when usually she might call such a woman 'an unsaved hellbound harlot'.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

I'm just curious as to why she cares about an umarried pregnant woman in prison when usually she might call such a woman 'an unsaved hellbound harlot'.

No, YOU are the unsaved hellbound harlot. This poor girl needs the love of Jesus and Mother G is showing her True Christian™ colors by trying to guide her to the Lord.

You insist on spitting in Jesus' face, so there is no hope for you.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel

No, YOU are the unsaved hellbound harlot. This poor girl needs the love of Jesus and Mother G is showing her True Christian™ colors by trying to guide her to the Lord.

You insist on spitting in Jesus' face, so there is no hope for you.

I'm just curious as to why you want to help out this particular girl? What's in it for you?
You're christians, you don't do something for nothing, that's against the rules!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

I'm just curious as to why you want to help out this particular girl? What's in it for you?
You're christians, you don't do something for nothing, that's against the rules!

An innocent Christian girl has been treated badly and falsely convicted! Of course we are going to help her.

[Rachael Van Helsing]

Originally Posted by Pastor Al E Pistle

An innocent Christian girl has been treated badly and falsely convicted! Of course we are going to help her.

I'm guessing she's agreed to become a platinum tither, has she?

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

I'm guessing she's agreed to become a platinum tither, has she?

I am wounded to the core to hear that you think Christian kindness and compassion can be purchased! As far as I know the poor girl offered no money nor was she asked for any!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Originally Posted by Rachael Van Helsing

I'm guessing she's agreed to become a platinum tither, has she?

That is of no consequence to you, heathen. Just because we discovered that this poor girls family is loaded to the gills and she's an only child, that is no reason to accuse us of base deceptions. The child needs Jesus in her life, obviously.

By the way, so do you. How are your parents doing?