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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-21-2015, 08:10 AM
I've been working on some semi-autobiographical short stories*, inspired by my walk with Christ. I am a shameless fanboy of The Savior and His works, and I submit these pieces to magnify His Glory. Constructive criticism is welcome, and please feel free to post your own stories for review, if you like.
*names have been changed or omitted to protect the Innocent in Christ (that's me!) from persecution and/or prosecution
Supper Time
Chapter 1
Mr. Hamner swaggered through the door confidently, sat down on the couch, untied his muddy work boots and tossed them to the floor. In response to the resounding thud, a stirring began in the kitchen. Mere seconds later, the wife, a meek and wretched little woman, scurried into the living room like a rat emerging from it's hole.
"Welcome home, sir.", the creature murmured with her head lowered, avoiding eye contact.
"Fetch me a beer, witch!", the husband retorted.
"Yes, m'lord", the shrew agreed, and began slowly backing into the kitchen.
"After you've cleaned up that mess, harridan!", Mr. Hamner raged, pointing to the muddy boots on the floor.
"If it pleases you, my liege.", said the woman, as she nervously set about her duty.
He thought to himself, smirking, that's right, you insolent cow!
He drew a line in the sand then, mentally. If she hasn't cleaned this up and fetched my beverage in exactly two minutes there'll be hell to pay!, He glanced at his wristwatch.
To his chagrin, she had finished her chore in precisely one minute fifty seven seconds.
He sat there nursing his beer, fuming inwardly. For some obscure reason, Jesus had decided to spare her a thrashing in this instance...but the night was still young. There would be other opportunities...
Chapter 2 - pending
I've got a couple other ideas I've been tossing around, hopefully I'll have a chance to follow through on them.
One is an inspirational story for disobedient children who doubt their fathers' resolve to beat the devil out of them. It is called The little cudgel that could.
I have also been developing another very, very short story called The Seeding: A True Christian Love Story.
I'll post the next chapter of Supper Time shortly.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-21-2015, 10:40 AM
That's riveting stuff, Brother Hammer. I can't wait to hear the next installment
You should have been a writer.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-24-2015, 07:03 AM
Supper Time
Chapter 2
Hamner came to his senses with a start, spilling the dregs of his umpteenth beer on his lap. Above the din of Duck Dynasty blaring from the television set, he could hear something capering about in the gloom of the living room, giggling hideously as it darted to and fro. Evil was afoot...he could practically taste it in the air!
"Demon! Back to your hell-hole in the name of Christ Jesus!!", he bellowed as he spun around to confront the monster, brandishing his empty bottle like a club.
Swinging his bottle in righteous, blind rage, he felt it hit its mark. "To the pit that spawned thee, defiler!", he screamed as he readied his makeshift cudgel for the finishing blow.
Without warning, the kitchen door was flung wide, and a shaft of light flooded into the room.
"No! Sir!! Stop!!", shrieked a voice reminiscent of fingernails being drawn across slate.
Hamner's head snapped around, zeroing in on the source of the disturbance.
It was his wife!
Why, you cheeky whore, he thought.
He spun on his heel, leapt over the couch and was nose to nose with the harpy in less than a second.
A grin spread across his face like a vulpine rictus.
"Yes, dear?", he crooned in his rich baritone, a facial tic starting to play at the corner of his mouth.
Chapter 3…..coming soon
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-24-2015, 09:52 AM
Are you sure that you are not writing the next Genesis prog-rock-opera? They're due for another try.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 2,290
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: In Jesus' lap
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-24-2015, 09:56 AM
I'm concerned that chapter 3 may have a sex scene that would be unsuitable for women readers.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,730
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-24-2015, 06:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jim Farmer
I'm concerned that chapter 3 may have a sex scene that would be unsuitable for women readers.
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Well he can't stop now. I have to find out what happens next!
Will the wife be converted by Hamner's devotion and dedication to the LORD? Will she die knowing her hour had come and she missed the only opportunity to avoid an eternity of suffering worse than her entire marriage? Will he be successful in taming the shrew so he can baptize her before she gives up the ghost?
Oh please, don't give him any reason to stop!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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True Christian™ Lady Extraordinaire, an Honorary Male Biblicist
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Posts: 8,762
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Surrounded by heathens
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-24-2015, 08:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda
Well he can't stop now. I have to find out what happens next!
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It's wonderful story, isn't it? My 3 teenage stepdaughters and I are reading it aloud and can hardly wait for the next installment.
Vaccinated by the love of Jesus!!!
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-25-2015, 01:15 AM
Supper Time
Chapter 3
The shrew stared, glassy eyed, at her husband, lulled into a state of light hypnosis by the rhythmic pulsing of the vein on Hamner's left temple. Her walnut sized brain began to turn in on itself as she feebly groped through her limited vocabulary for just the right words to appease his completely justified wrath.
"I..I...I...I just...", she stammered inarticulately.
"You just what?", her husband inquired, feeling the indignant fury of The Holy Spirit welling up within him like Heavenly fire. His eye began to twitch like a frog wired to a battery.
The Spirit was completely upon him now, and he hardly even noticed the sound of the demon rising to it's feet in the darkness behind him, whimpering softly and then loping up the stairs to go sulk in it's bedroom.
"HAMNER!", boomed a voice that seemed to rush at him from every direction at once.
"My Lord!", he answered at once, momentarily putting the mouthy-wife situation on the back burner.
He could now feel the telltale symptoms of being in the direct presence of Christ's Glory. His eyes rolled into the back of his skull until only the blood-shot whites of them could be seen. His body began to tremble violently, and he could feel the gorge rising up in his throat. At the same instant, he felt the contents of his bowels being forcefully evacuated into his trousers.
The last thing he saw before everything went white and the kitchen tiles rushed up to meet his enraptured face with a sick crunch, was his dutiful (at times) helpmeet running to fetch the leather strop that he kept hanging on a hook by the front door for domestic discipline. It also had served him well over the years by keeping him from biting his tongue in half when speaking face to face with his personal savior and best friend ever, Jesus Christ.
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Office Temp and #1 Volunteer for Christ
Forum Member
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Posts: 74
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: The Free Bastion of FREEHOLD
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-25-2015, 02:10 AM
I'm currently trapped in the church offices, so I'll use this quiet time to write a fan fiction entry, too!
June Writes a Letter to God™
One day not too long ago, June decided to write a letter to God™. 'Twas not because she didn't know he heard her in her prayers, yet Our God™ is such a Busy Man, it seemed a letter he could put aside as such time as he had the time to read it was a plan worth exploring.
And so June got out her best stationery and fountain pen and a fresh pot of violet ink and wrote these words:
Quote:
My Dear God: I know you are a BUSY bee, and yet I just wanted to remind you again how much I love you. You do so much for us, so much. And with all the hateful Atheisn't going around, I worry sometimes you feel we do not love you. And yet, we do. Yes, we love you.
Sincerely, your little child, Granny June
#1 Volunteer for Christ
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And yet where to mail it? What was God™s address? Where did one find God™?
It was then her eyes fell upon the bright sunny scene beneath her window. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and a fresh springtime breeze wafted across the snow. It was then June remembered: THAT GOD™ IS EVERYWHERE! There was no need to find an address, for he had been here the whole time! He was in the sweet cold milk we drink at lunch, in the soft Downy Soft scented pillow we lay our head down upon each night. It was in the moon and the stars and the great wide oceans and seas that lipped and lapped at our shores.
And so June put the letter in her pocket and set out on a walk, to tell her letter to the trees, the flowers, and God™s littlest animals....for God was there, and God™ would get the message.
THE END
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,751
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: True Christian™ Fan-Fiction -
01-25-2015, 03:48 AM
I wrote a WH fan fic story, once. It's caled Hammer Time. I'm not sure that it's appropriate to post on a chuch website, though.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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