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Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
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Muslim Jokes -
08-18-2008, 11:20 PM
Allow me to kick this one off.
What does Tehran have in common with Hiroshima?
Nothing yet.
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-18-2008, 11:22 PM
and how about this one?
Why did the prophet Mohammed peace be his name cross the road?
He was picking his wife up from the kindergarten.
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Anvil of the Antipodes
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,269
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: policing mockery of the free internets
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-18-2008, 11:25 PM
and then there's....
Q: What’s the difference between a Muslim and a dead horse?
A. It’s no fun beating a dead horse.
not to mention this classic...
Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a goat.
anyone know any more? I'll be using these at the next prayer meeting..any 'off-colour' or sexually explicit jokes should be preceeded with a warning for those more sensitive among us...
The devil, whose business is to pervert the truth, mimics the exact circumstance of the Divine Sacraments. He baptises his believers and promises forgiveness of sins...he celebrates the oblation of bread, and brings in the symbol of the resurrection. Let us therefore acknowledge the craftiness of the devil, who copied certain things of those that be divine." Tertullian (155-222 AD) from The Prescription Against Heretics' Ch XL
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Liberal Hate Monger
Forum Member
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Posts: 363
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: London
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-18-2008, 11:37 PM
I hate to say it mate but your jokes weren't very funny. Now these are funny:
What do female Muslims use for birth control?
Their faces.
What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's ass?
"Having car trouble?"
A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks
the assistant for an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?"
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black or White?"
"White, please."
"Would you like Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man, so he asked,
"What has the religion got to do with it? It's an
inflatable doll!"
"Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows
itself up!"
An American Indian, A Muslim and a cowboy were traveling in the same train car.
The American Indian sadly announces, “Once we were many, now we are few”.
The Muslim arrogantly brags, “Once we were few, now we are many”.
The relaxed cowboy, boots kicked on the table, trying to nap, lifts his hat, spits his tobacco on the floor, looks at the Muslim and says, “We haven’t played cowboys and Muslim yet”.
Now that, that don't kill me can only make me stronger.
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Senior Usher True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom A very nice young man
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,647
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: South Yorkshire, hotbed of sin
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-18-2008, 11:54 PM
My favourite Muslim joke is called "the Koran".
O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.
God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 42
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The United States of America
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 02:10 AM
Q: How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A: None, American Liberals can do it all by themselves, thank you.
Q: What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing! You told her twice already!
Q: Who won the Muslim beauty contest?
A: No one!
Q: What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward?
A: "Live ammunition."
Oh, it's all so tasteless.
Job 27:3-5
All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils; My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit. God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,024
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Where Jesus Wants Me
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 02:21 AM
An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond.
The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen."
Which means: "Don't drink the water; the cows have crapped in it."
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English."
The Amish man says: "Use two hands,.You'll get more."
What has 24 legs and 48 teeth? Twelve Muslim women!
Gather around so that I can read to you from my book of TRUTH. Genesis thru Revelations....Pick one!
Luke 12:5- But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.
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Unsaved Trash , mudslime scum
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Posts: 53
Join Date: Aug 2008
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 02:47 AM
So the Christian jokes have to be Good and Clean, but not the muslim ones.
I see how it is
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 03:06 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Daouched
So the Christian jokes have to be Good and Clean, but not the muslim ones.
I see how it is
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I'm as horrified as you are, Daoud.
People like Demon-ACLUtard and Filet-O-Fish come in this forum, spouting nonsense about "tolerance" and "equality", yet are the first to leap onto the heap when someone starts kicking a sanddigger!
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Unsaved Trash , mudslime scum
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Posts: 53
Join Date: Aug 2008
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 03:41 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
I'm as horrified as you are, Daoud.
People like Demon-ACLUtard and Filet-O-Fish come in this forum, spouting nonsense about "tolerance" and "equality", yet are the first to leap onto the heap when someone starts kicking a sanddigger!
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Lol you know most muslims dont even live in the middle east, only 19 % of muslims are actually Arab.
But yes, do I smell hypocrisy?
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 42
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The United States of America
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 03:54 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennyD
I'm as horrified as you are, Daoud.
People like Demon-ACLUtard and Filet-O-Fish come in this forum, spouting nonsense about "tolerance" and "equality", yet are the first to leap onto the heap when someone starts kicking a sanddigger!
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Ah, but good sister, you do have me wrong or confused, for I do certainly not recall a word from my mouth (or fingers, more techncally) concerning equality or tolerance to have place on this forum. Truly speaking, I can not profess to even be a full supporter of equality and tolerance, for humans will always need a social hierarchy and a scapegoat.
Job 27:3-5
All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils; My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit. God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.
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Honorary True Christian™ Sweet Placid Sister
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,562
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Surrounded by hippie vermin
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 04:10 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Filet-o-fish
Ah, but good sister, you do have me wrong or confused, for I do certainly not recall a word from my mouth (or fingers, more techncally) concerning equality or tolerance to have place on this forum. Truly speaking, I can not profess to even be a full supporter of equality and tolerance, for humans will always need a social hierarchy and a scapegoat.
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In that case, I apologize for casting aspersions upon your character, Mr. Fish.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 289
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Washington D.C. working from the inside out to defeat communism!!!!
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 05:07 AM
Um. Jenny.... why are you apologising to this unsaved trash?
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hateful Danish communis
Forum Member
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Posts: 266
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Godless Europistan
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 07:11 AM
For the same reason that she'd apologize to you if she misunderstood anything you typed. Filet is not a supporter of equality and tolerance, and neither is Jenny, but she didn't get that out of his post.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 518
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Tacoma, Washington
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 09:16 AM
I think even Brother Dirty would agree this isn't necessary. After all, where in the Bible does it say "Thou shalt not have a little fun?" (Does it say that in the Qu'ar'rrr'ana'a'a'a?)
So on with the good-natured, tolerant, multicultural ribbing!
How do you make a dead Muslim float? Take your foot off his head!
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a malnourished Muslim with his head in a toilet? They don't ship Cadillacs to Guatanamo!
What's the difference between an onion and a young Muslim woman? Nobody cries when you take out your rage and loneliness on a Muslim!
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Unsaved Trash , mudslime scum
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Posts: 53
Join Date: Aug 2008
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 11:18 AM
Quote:
I think even Brother Dirty would agree this isn't necessary. After all, where in the Bible does it say "Thou shalt not have a little fun?"
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Lol I was just saying ALL of the Christian Jokes were good and clean, these jokes arn't. So prehaps someone should post dirty and mean christian jokes, then it will be equal
Quote:
(Does it say that in the Qu'ar'rrr'ana'a'a'a?)
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No. And its just Quran. not 500 characters long
Quote:
So on with the good-natured, tolerant, multicultural ribbing!
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So long as they are clean. But when there are jokes about putting your hand up a camels ass...
Quote:
What's the difference between a Cadillac and a malnourished Muslim with his head in a toilet? They don't ship Cadillacs to Guatanamo!
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I loled
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 12:54 PM
Never let it be said that we True Christians don't enjoy a good laugh now and then. Take a look at what some prankster painted on the men's room urinals over in the West Chapel.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 289
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Washington D.C. working from the inside out to defeat communism!!!!
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 04:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magikarp
For the same reason that she'd apologize to you if she misunderstood anything you typed. Filet is not a supporter of equality and tolerance, and neither is Jenny, but she didn't get that out of his post.
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Oh boy, here comes the guy from the pokemon cult.
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Christ's Battle Axe
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Posts: 2,777
Join Date: Dec 2006
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 05:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Daoud
So the Christian jokes have to be Good and Clean, but not the muslim ones.
I see how it is
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It's the same way with Muslim and Christian people, so why squawk about it?
Q: Why are camels called "the ships of the desert?"
A: Because they're filled with Arab 'seamen.'
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,742
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Muslim Jokes -
08-19-2008, 07:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Daoud
But yes, do I smell hypocrisy?
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No Sir, you smell, Ex:34:14: For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God:
Y'see, but for the horrible expense and secular law, God would have us wipe heathens from the face of the earth; you know how it is; peace is proportional to the number of people God kills - no heathens = no trouble = everyone agrees and are brothers.
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