Christian history forum This forum is dedicated to the history of Christianity, and its impact on the history of the world. |
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 09:59 PM
Some third-world country is selling off an aircraft carrier called "The Ark Royal". It probably won't cost more than we have on the tithing plate, so to speak, and we can lower the price by bribing a few folks - you know how these tinpot monarchies work. A few trinkets for the queen, some firewater for the archbishop and generallissimos and we're all set.
Just think of the uses: we could put it in the reservoir to patrol for hippies trying to sneak floride into the water, or it could be a Noah's Ark themed zoo, or it could be a yacht/country club for our Deacons, Platinum Tithers, and whatever congressman we are lobbying at the moment:
I've already clicked the "add to cart" button...
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Posts: 22,745
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 10:05 PM
Oh. No wonder it was cheap - it's British! It'll probably rust and the steering wheel's on the wrong side.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 28
Join Date: May 2011
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 10:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire
Oh. No wonder it was cheap - it's British! It'll probably rust and the steering wheel's on the wrong side.
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My thoughts exactly.. The british (notice the lower case b) can't get anything right..
Tea, Soccer, Monarchy's?
“He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it will be counted a curse to him.” – Proverbs 27:14
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 5
Join Date: May 2011
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 10:24 PM
I'm sure if we all put in some work, we could turn that 95% steel carrier into a 100% holy ark.
Am I right, or am I wrong?
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 28
Join Date: May 2011
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 10:27 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rico David
I'm sure if we all put in some work, we could turn that 95% steel carrier into a 100% holy ark.
Am I right, or am I wrong?
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I wouldn't buy food from a dirty brit if I was starving!! Let alone an aircraft carrier..
Dirty heathens.
“He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it will be counted a curse to him.” – Proverbs 27:14
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Pastor of Praise and Worship A True Christian™ Straight Shooter
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,891
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Being led by the Spirit.
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 10:33 PM
Just imagine how powerful of a witnessing tool that thing could be for us. We could provide disaster relief of King James Bibles and Chick Tracts to stricken countries all over the world.
Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.
Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.com
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Apostle to the Samites and Laplander Eskimos.
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Posts: 5,720
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Surrounded by feral eskimos.
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 10:43 PM
How many aircrafts do we have now?
I know we have those UH-60 Blackhawks, but there are some fighters now on sale as well.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 59
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Cleveland, WI
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-03-2011, 11:14 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson
Just imagine how powerful of a witnessing tool that thing could be for us. We could provide disaster relief of King James Bibles and Chick Tracts to stricken countries all over the world.
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Amen!
However, I would suggest leaving some of the warship features intact, lest we come into contact with that vile lesbian atheist sailing group that provides offshore abortions, Women on Waves.
Imagine the opportunities for spreading the LORD'S Word in international waters, free from many of the confines of secular law!
Member of Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879 (NOT the Heretical Council of 1912!)
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Mayor of Freehold
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Posts: 12,176
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: City Hall, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-04-2011, 12:00 AM
In all seriousness, I get really concerned now and then about the security of Landover Baptist Church. We have a lot of money, a talented Church staff and we are snatching people away from Satan every day.
It seems logical to me that we might be a target for Satan's people. Our little police force in Freehold, devoted as they are, may not have the fire power to hold off some group that has evil purposes.
Would it be thinking too far out of the box to look into tieing this thing up on the Des Moines River near Freehold? I don't know a lot about military hardware but maybe it could host some helicopters and troops.
Just a thought.
Johny Joe Hold, Mayor
Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-04-2011, 12:37 AM
British, you just know the electrics are not going to work.
Last thing I want is a boat that big and have to bail it by hand.
But I do see the wisdom displayed by Mayor JJ Hold. Even if it sunk to the bottom of the river, 98% of it would still be above water.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Ladies of Landover Senior VP One of the Truest Christians™ Ever Mama Grizzly and formerly Sister Mary Maria
True Christian™
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Posts: 12,662
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Standing behind my husband
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-04-2011, 04:22 PM
Imagine a True Christian™ faith fleet! The Armada of Hope®!
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 592
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Look Behind You
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-04-2011, 04:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor William Nathaniel Sampson
Just imagine how powerful of a witnessing tool that thing could be for us. We could provide disaster relief of King James Bibles and Chick Tracts to stricken countries all over the world.
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We could load them in the deck guns and fire them over heathen walls across the globe!
The best way to turn a dishwasher into a snowblower. . . . .
Give her a shovel.
Proverbs 5:19 A husband's commandment! And wives must comply.
19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-04-2011, 05:49 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford
Imagine a True Christian™ faith fleet! The Armada of Hope®!
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How can I help? Please PM me the information needed to send off a check.
I'll make every one of my workers donate a weeks wages.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,479
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Sinful north, near the Eskimos
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
05-12-2011, 09:43 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by NormanLid
My thoughts exactly.. The british (notice the lower case b) can't get anything right..
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How about steering wheel?
Sorry I had to
Romans 1:18 - For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;
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Unsaved Trash, Rabid godmocker
Under Investigation
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Posts: 18
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: In bed with my fag boyfriend
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
07-17-2011, 07:26 AM
Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
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Pastor of Praise and Worship A True Christian™ Straight Shooter
True Christian™
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Posts: 3,891
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Being led by the Spirit.
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
07-17-2011, 07:58 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by praisethelord101
Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
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Interesting fact. The French would be speaking Russian now if not for us.
Another interesting fact, we singlehandedly won the Pacific war long after the Brits realized they couldn't do anything for fear of the Germans and sailed away from their Asian empire.
Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.
Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.com
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Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
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Posts: 6,639
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
07-18-2011, 04:30 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by praisethelord101
Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
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I'm intersested. Please tell me more.
Disagree? By failing to register and debate me, you prove that liberals are factless frauds who only persuade through intimidation. To prove otherwise, debate me!
Got Questions? See Frequently Asked Questions, or use Forum Search, tag system, or our guides on Geography, History, Science, Comparative Religion, Civics, and Current Events.
Did I use a new word you've never heard? Definitions here. | Vote! Everything you need to vote here!
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Landover Security Superviser Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
True Christian™
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Posts: 18,554
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold Iowa
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
07-18-2011, 04:57 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by praisethelord101
Intersesting fact: during world war 2 British aircract carriers were safer than their American counterparts because they had armored flight decks while the American ones had wooden flight decks.
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Here is another interesting fact from the glories of Royal Navy Aviation.
The Fairly Barracuda
Quote:
During the earlier part of its service life, the Barracuda suffered a fairly high rate of unexplained fatal crashes, often involving experienced pilots. In 1945 this was traced to small leaks developing in the hydraulic system. The most common point for the leak was at the point of entry to the pilot's pressure gauge and was situated such that the resulting spray went straight into the pilot's face. The chosen hydraulic fluid contained ether and as the aircraft rarely were equipped with oxygen masks (and few aircrew wore them below 10,000 ft/3,000 m anyway) the pilot quickly became unconscious leading to a crash. An Admiralty order issued at the end of May 1945 required all examples of the type to be oxygen fitted as soon as possible, and for pilots to use the system at all times.
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Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,766
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: Anyone want to buy an aircraft carrier? -
07-18-2011, 10:11 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Mary Whitford
Imagine a True Christian™ faith fleet! The Armada of Hope®!
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Amen. We'd finally be able to sink the Scientology navy once and for all.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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