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Bible Brother Professor Dr. Elmer? - 01-01-2017, 10:07 PM

In the University handbook, it says: "All faculty will timely grade student work so as to relieve the stress endured by our doctoral cohort. Exceptions to this policy will be granted by the Dean with appropriate explanation on the part of the faculty member."


I completed my final paper three weeks ago and you still haven't posted the grade; we're only a week away from the next semester. What will be my next course? I can't enroll until last semester is posted! I'm all in a tizzy here!


(I do hope you liked the way I incorporated the "hounds of heaven" into the section regarding post-glorious appearing animal husbandry.)


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Jesus Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer? - 01-02-2017, 03:49 AM

Brother Larry,

Where should I begin? Well, first, the paper could be OK despite its somewhat unorthodox ratio of secular:Biblical references at the staggeringly high 1:5. Usually papers can only be accepted if the ratio is 1:10 or lower. Obviously, there could be other merits, but it is not usually necessary to read the actual text if the references are in order. So, in this case we had to consult a Higher Authority.

Thus, in this case I've been praying for Jesus to announce a suitable grade for you.



Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

Finally, we're going to give it a C+. Of course, usually some substantial tithing to Jesus improves one's grades rapidly and reliably.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



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Default Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer? - 01-02-2017, 08:14 AM

I just sent $10.000 from my trust fund to the church, Brother Elmer. This is not a bribe, mind you. Just tithing cheerfully.


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Christian Love True Christian™ Touched by Jesus Persecuted Honorary Ex-Eskimo Ex-Scandinavian Ex-eurotrash True Scientist™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Doctor Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Prayer Warrior Ex-Masturbator Tell her once True Christian Caucasian Real American™ Porn Resistant The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts 2014 Witch Hunt Award Mower Mission to Korea Uber Angels Driver Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Saved 1 Year Platinum Tither Eats the Most Pork True Heterosexual™ 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory BFF of Jesus Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Alternative Facts True Christian Nerd GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
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Prayer Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer? - 01-02-2017, 08:43 AM

Urgent Update: With no regard to your post above I've spent some more time praying and as it turns out, I don't have to read your paper, as Jesus (who knows His letters; Revelation 22:13) feels it is an Alpha-.



Proverbs 19:20
Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
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Scared Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer? - 01-09-2017, 12:40 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
Urgent Update: With no regard to your post above I've spent some more time praying and as it turns out, I don't have to read your paper, as Jesus (who knows His letters; Revelation 22:13) feels it is an Alpha-.



Proverbs 19:20
Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.


Yours in Christ,

Elmer

Professor, I just received the email with my spring 2017 schedule. Is there a mistake? FOUR courses at a time - in a PhD program? Isn't that a bit much? Here is what you assigned me:


1. Baraminology 102
2. Creation Science 105: The Lies of Evolution
3. Foundation Paper 02
4. Advanced Quantitative Biblical Analysis 1


Each class seems to require a ton of research! I'm not whining, Sir. Just wondering if this is a correct schedule.


Your devoted student,
Larry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
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Elmer G. White's Avatar
Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
Distinguished Professor of Prayer Healing and Creation Zoology (Baraminology)
Victim of atheist scientific persecution
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Friend of Jesus Christian Love True Christian™ Touched by Jesus Persecuted Honorary Ex-Eskimo Ex-Scandinavian Ex-eurotrash True Scientist™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Doctor Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Flat Earth Prayer Warrior Ex-Masturbator Tell her once True Christian Caucasian Real American™ Porn Resistant The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking One Year/1000 posts 2014 Witch Hunt Award Mower Mission to Korea Uber Angels Driver Trump of GOD Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Saved 1 Year Platinum Tither Eats the Most Pork True Heterosexual™ 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory BFF of Jesus Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Proud Survivor of the Overwatch Wars Probing for Jesus Wall of Jesus Crown of Righteousness Alternative Facts True Christian Nerd GLORY Saved 5 Years Hold re-election 2020 for Jesus Team Fortress Rebuker Extraordinaire Get Behind Me Doctor - NO TEAM FORTRESS! Proud TP Rebuker for Christ Polling for Christ Anti-Biden Midget porn survivor

 
Posts: 10,328
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Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Elmer G. White will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Bible Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer? - 01-09-2017, 06:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrotherLarry View Post
Professor, I just received the email with my spring 2017 schedule. Is there a mistake? FOUR courses at a time - in a PhD program? Isn't that a bit much? Here is what you assigned me:

1. Baraminology 102
2. Creation Science 105: The Lies of Evolution
3. Foundation Paper 02
4. Advanced Quantitative Biblical Analysis 1

Each class seems to require a ton of research! I'm not whining, Sir. Just wondering if this is a correct schedule.

Your devoted student,
Larry
Brother Larry,

Please read further in the course description and you will find that they all share the same required literature: The King James Bible!



While it is recommended that you also browse the other works by Ken Ham, Dr. Hovind and, of course, the classics by Henry M. Morris, most students have received top grades by simply memorizing the relevant passages of the Good Book by heart!

Acts 17:11
These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.




Yours in Christ,

Elmer


2 Kings 18:25 - Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.



PREPARE YOURSELF TO RAPTURE WITH THIS MANUAL!
Check out our Research in Creation Science:
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Posts: 2,395
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BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!BrotherLarry will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Cross Re: Brother Professor Dr. Elmer? - 01-09-2017, 03:20 PM

I do see that the Bible is the primary text - for ALL the courses in this program. It's just that - well - oh, never mind. I am sure I can do the 20 page papers in each class each week with the help of my Lord and, of course, with your mentoring. You'll be pleased to know that I am currently reading your treatise on how Christ himself used qualitative analysis with His apostles before choosing them and how that is related to the quantitative analysis of why 12 was a good number instead of 11 or 13. I'm already halfway through the 2nd paragraph.


Studiously,
BrotherLarry


Proverbs 21:31 KJV 1611:
“The horse is prepared against the day of battell: but safetie is of the Lord.”

Lord, may I serve my equine brothers and sisters just as I do my fellow man.
Amen and Amen
 

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