The Freehold Truth and Light Baptist newspaper Featured editorials, letters to the GODLY Pastors of Landover, local news, advise columns. |
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Honorary True Christian™
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-25-2012, 08:10 PM
I must admit I'm getting a bit concerned; I haven't received my annual invitation to SausageFest.
Second weekend in August, right? I need to know for sure, so I can book my flight.
I've got some thick, juicy brats hanging in the cellar . . . I know a certain Pastor who'd love to wrap his lips around one of them!
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-25-2012, 08:48 PM
My festival sausauge is ripe, ready, and dripping from one end just like it should be.
The womenfolk shrieked in horror at it's immenseth girth and length last year. Damn it; even some of the donkeys were embarrassed.
I just don't want to choke to death some of the younger girls at the celabration. Will medical services be there or will Pastor Zeke be handling that again?
C'mon!. It's the only time good old uncle Deaner gets to show some pride.
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Family Man of the Year 2010-2013 About as Straight and Manly as you can get Hates anal sex. And trees.
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,323
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Protecting my children from homosexuals
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-25-2012, 09:00 PM
Dang, I was sort of hoping that there wouldn't be any women at SausageFest 2012. I have one in my house, and she smells funny.
After all, isn't that what a SausageFest is supposed to be about? Men getting together and sampling the flavor of one another's sausage? I don't know any woman who can handle my sausage like a man can.
The Only Real Climate Change Will be Hell!
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Honorary True Christian™
Forum Member
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Posts: 13,993
Join Date: May 2008
Location: North Salem, Indiana
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-25-2012, 09:19 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Bob Jenkins
Dang, I was sort of hoping that there wouldn't be any women at SausageFest 2012. I have one in my house, and she smells funny.
After all, isn't that what a SausageFest is supposed to be about? Men getting together and sampling the flavor of one another's sausage? I don't know any woman who can handle my sausage like a man can.
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Agreed, Brother. Women are always complaining about mine, "Oh, it's too hot! Your sausage is too spicy for me!"
A man just goes to town on it, until the juice runs down his chin.
But I do recall last year there were a few women at the early Sausage Judging, there to cheer their husbands and brothers and sons on during the sampling sessions. Remember? They lined up all in a pretty row, wearing their finest dresses, and were allowed to parade past the menfolk and admire their sausages.
Maybe this year, it'd be best to put up a barrier that they must stay behind. Remember Deaner accidentally slapping that one girl in the face with one of his sausages?
Seems some of the juice got in her eye, and she was crying about how it burned for the next 20 minutes. I don't know about you, but I found her wailing really took the wind out of my sails for a bit.
It didn't get fun again until the ladies left and the beer kegs came out.
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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Unsaved trash - Caution: Possible Floozy
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Posts: 61
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-25-2012, 11:32 PM
My dad has asked whether I could come this year, seeing as I am free and he wants to keep an eye on me to make sure i don't get up to wrong at home on my own.
It sounds like a great experience to learn more and experience other kinds of sausage too.
Though from what I have read most women don't seem to like it, but I reckon I might, or at least try to.
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Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-25-2012, 11:59 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer
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Maybe this year, it'd be best to put up a barrier that they must stay behind. Remember Deaner accidentally slapping that one girl in the face with one of his sausages?
Seems some of the juice got in her eye, and she was crying about how it burned for the next 20 minutes. I don't know about you, but I found her wailing really took the wind out of my sails for a bit.
It didn't get fun again until the ladies left and the beer kegs came out.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyKat
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It sounds like a great experience to learn more and experience other kinds of sausage too.
Though from what I have read most women don't seem to like it, but I reckon I might, or at least try to.
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Kitty Kat;
Don't you worry about what the other folks are saying about my man juice. Rev. Rodimer just likes to kid around and see the looks on the womenfolks faces when they taste their first gulp. Their eyes turn red and watery and I'l tell 'ya; Rev. Rodimer is the first one to start laughing like hell and offering second round glasses.
Definitely good times.
One warning, if Rev. Rodimer or Pastor Exekiel offer you their special blend; run away. You'll be lucky if you live.
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 03:01 AM
I hope no True Christian women go.
Proper women hate sausage. It tastes funny and is messy to eat.
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Christ's Love Messenger
True Christian™
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Posts: 5,978
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: A road of rocks and glass
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 04:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson
I hope no True Christian women go.
Proper women hate sausage. It tastes funny and is messy to eat.
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While it was a tough vote; napkins will be provided this year. A lot of men liked the messy in your face stuff while others approved of the Jesus Christ clean cut look. After much arguing (and some fisticuffs) the neat and stylish Jesus look won out.
However, not to be disappointed there will be a special tent where a slick and sloppy look will be provided for men over 18 and women (12 years and over) preparing for marriage will be provided.
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 04:40 AM
All I know is Mr. Etheldreda comes back from this every year, sticky, worn out, glazed-over look in his eyes, and his face is glistening like he's been eating glazed donuts. He steps through the door and runs straight for the shower and then sleeps for about 15 hours. I don't want to know what all you boys do there.
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 06:40 AM
I am very jealous that I cannot attend but to be honest I think I would be embarrassed. The English have very small sausages in comparison. The girth is fine but we just don't have the length. The quality isn't great either; my sausage the other day was spitting uncontrollably all other the place. I stabbed it with a fork in the end to calm it down. I said to my wife, it's just a little prick but it does the job.
I believe the Germans have the longest sausages in Europe. My grandmother was there after the war and she loved German sausages on her baps,
YIC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 27
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South Carolina, USA
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 10:29 AM
Are you POSITIVE you're not gay? ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 27
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South Carolina, USA
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 10:36 AM
This sounds like a giant male orgy..... Is this where all of your repressed homosexual tendencies are going? Into eating "sausage"? It's okay, you can tell me, I promise I won't tell anyone else.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 10:40 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GordiPordi
Are you POSITIVE you're not gay? ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GordiPordi
This sounds like a giant male orgy..... Is this where all of your repressed homosexual tendencies are going? Into eating "sausage"? It's okay, you can tell me, I promise I won't tell anyone else.
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Good grief, get your mind out of the gutter.
(James 4:7) "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
YiC,
Zech
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 10:56 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth
Good grief, get your mind out of the gutter.
(James 4:7) "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
YiC,
Zech
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Shocking isn't it, she has sex on the brain. She has also accused me of stalking her just because I have corrected her a few times. I'm worried that she might be developing a bit of a crush on me, I think it's the mustache. She must understand I am not interested in getting into a Ménage ŕ quatre with her and her 'lovers'.
YIC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 27
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South Carolina, USA
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 11:03 AM
HAH! Sorry old man. You're not for my liking. I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend and girlfriend thank you. Please, I think you're developing the crush on me. Besides, the good Brits all play in Sherlock and Doctor Who. And mustaches are possibly one of the most hideous things ever. Besides sex on the brain? More like, "Let's piss off some old bitches on the internet." On the brain. FYI I showed my girlfriend and one of her friends some of the hateful things on this site, and I'm 100% sure that she wouldn't hit you with a ten-foot pole.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,223
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 11:11 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan
Shocking isn't it, she has sex on the brain. She has also accused me of stalking her just because I have corrected her a few times. I'm worried that she might be developing a bit of a crush on me, I think it's the mustache. She must understand I am not interested in getting into a Ménage ŕ quatre with her and her 'lovers'.
YIC
Jack
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Brother Jack, it's true you cut a dashing figure: it's no wonder that even a woman who has decided to go on the "all-fish menu" finds you irresistible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GordiPordi
HAH! Sorry old man. You're not for my liking. I'm perfectly happy with my boyfriend and girlfriend thank you. Please, I think you're developing the crush on me. Besides, the good Brits all play in Sherlock and Doctor Who. And mustaches are possibly one of the most hideous things ever. Besides sex on the brain? More like, "Let's piss off some old bitches on the internet." On the brain. FYI I showed my girlfriend and one of her friends some of the hateful things on this site, and I'm 100% sure that she wouldn't hit you with a ten-foot pole.
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The only person getting mad seems to be you.
And while I admire your tentative steps back to a normal lifestyle as evidenced by your crush on Mr. O'Fagan, there is a time and place for everything, and the time and place for seducing married men is never and nowhere.
YiC,
Zech
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Unsaved trash
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Posts: 27
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: South Carolina, USA
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 11:15 AM
You both really make me want to laugh at your ignorance. Also, please, I'd rather be called a fag than referred by being "on an all-fish menu". And genius, take a look at my page, boyfriend and girlfriend. Get your facts straight. Sorry to rain on your parade, but you're both hideous, have a nice day.
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Forum Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 216
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: The Netherlands
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 11:31 AM
Seeing orgies in eating juicy sausages just proves how twisted you are. Unfortunately the Dutch sausage quality isn't anything to boast about. Although I'd love to come and shove some of those delicious Godly American sausages into my mouth.
II Kings 2:23-24: 23And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. 24And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 12:11 PM
As many of you know, I am a former Jew. If I can make it to SausageFest this year, I intent to tread you all to my DELICIOUS kosher dog!
It's always nice to sample things from other cultures, wouldn't you say?
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 516
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Mission for Men, topeka Kansas
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Re: Is SausageFest '12 on? -
07-26-2012, 12:34 PM
I don't know much about preparing ones own sausage. I just stick with Jimmy deans sausage. He's got some pretty nice meat . So because of that and that I live in Topeka I won't be coming with all you guys.
Therefore hath the curse devoured the earth, and they that dwell therein are desolate: therefore the inhabitants of the earth are burned, and few men left. -- Isaiah 24:6 KJV
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