[Levi Jones]

They did it to Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Jr.’s mother! We have to do something now.

I a ritual called a pink mass (not as fun as it sounds), the Satanist is able to turn the Christian into a gay in the afterlife.

I am building a mausoleum now to keep the Satanists at bay away from my grave.

We need to double and triple security around the church graveyard to keep them from turning our parents and grandparents queer.

The Satanic Temple, a burgeoning community of worship devoted to the Dark Lord, has performed a “Pink Mass” over the grave of Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps Jr.’s mother. The Pink Mass is a Satanic ritual performed after death that turns the deceased's straight spirit into a homo one—it’s not unlike the Mormon practice of baptizing the dead, only much gayer.
On Sunday the Satanic Temple, which first came into the national spotlight last January when the organization announced its support for Florida Governor Rick Scott, went to the Phelps family graveyard in Mississippi to perform the ritual. (Two Pink Masses were performed, one with a female couple and another with men.) I contacted Lucien Greaves, the Temple’s spokesperson and officiator of the ceremony, to find out what exactly the Pink Mass entials. While he didn't get into specifics, he told told me via email that "there were, in fact, scriptures recited, candles lit, and a ceremonial proceeding that we may eventually post the details of at our website, westboro-baptist.com. That is, if the Pink Mass generates sufficient interest to the point that other responsible parties, respectful of the graveyard, wish to perform their own."

[Des]

The frightening thing is that this is believed to be an ancient practice. Biblical archaeologists have speculated that Egyptians built their pyramid tombs to prevent Satanists from transforming them into postmortem homers. The Egyptians were already incestuous, and as perverse as they were, felt that homerism was a deeper level of perversity that even they did not want to slide into.

Other cultures burned their dead to prevent this ritual, but our best estimates indicate that Satanists have bestowed the curse of posthumous homerism upon 90-95% of humanity since the dawn of time roughly 10,000 years ago.

Myself and other like & civic-minded entrepreneurs have been working on a new burial system, Homerguard©

Our early efforts have been less promising than we had hoped, so until we have ironed out all the bugs we have been using my Ethiopian based space agency, MASA, to send the remains of the deceased into the firmament. Research has determined that Satanists, atheists, and Negroes are unable to breathe up there, doubtless due to the close proximity of the firmament to Jesus. This keeps the remains safe from Satanic rituals. The cost is a modest $1.25 million per body, a small price to pay to avoid being yanked from the heavenly welcome party and dropped screaming into the bowels of hell because Satanists turned you gay.