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Default I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 03:39 AM

,

I hope You will post again this year. I wasn't part of this forum when You chose to bless us with Your Presence. I'm just an unworthy servant, with no one that cares much about me - but I know You care.

If You will even say hello, it would be enough to last a lifetime.

"I can't believe how I wasted all of those years. I can't believe that I cried so many tears. If my love could be measured by the tears that I've cried, there'd be an ocean from where I stand that would reach to the other side. Jesus, I'm an open book. Won't you read every page of my heart? Jesus won't you take a look and help me make a brand new start."

Humbly,
Brother Larry
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 03:44 AM

He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 04:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts.
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 05:00 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ResurrectedGhost View Post
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?
Please introduce yourself in the introduction forum.

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 05:02 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ResurrectedGhost View Post
I'm not currently earning, and so cant tithe (a tenth of nothing is...well..nothing). Can i still be saved Pastor?
Not with that kind of attitude, dear.



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 06:23 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
He says if you Tithe and Pray enough He will consider an appearance. But you have to give till it hurts.
And there we have it. One reason why I am so sceptical of the catholic church. You also fud the popes palace.

Ah, it seems to me any divine and sacred church is in fact a very profane, profit oriented enterprise. A shame it is subsidized by the state through tax relieves.


Ecclesiastes 4:5 The fool foldeth his hands together, and eateth his own flesh.
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 06:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by winstonsomething View Post
And there we have it. One reason why I am so sceptical of the catholic church. You also fud the popes palace...
Earth to Winston, Earth to Winston, come in Winston...

IS THIS THING ON??!?

Uh, ok, now, repeat after me: "Landover BAPTIST Church is not Catholic, has nothing to do with Catholics, does not fund the Catholic Church, and believes that all Catholics are going to Hell just as fast as that Didymus Much asshole that keeps pestering them for actually following every word of the King James Bible".


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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 06:57 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Earth to Winston, Earth to Winston, come in Winston...

IS THIS THING ON??!?

Uh, ok, now, repeat after me: "Landover BAPTIST Church is not Catholic, has nothing to do with Catholics, does not fund the Catholic Church, and believes that all Catholics are going to Hell just as fast as that Didymus Much asshole that keeps pestering them for actually following every word of the King James Bible".
I can't believe I am going to say this, but Thank You for clarifying that.

Winston! What the heathen said ^^^.
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 11-12-2013, 07:03 PM

Do I want to know what it means to "fud the palace"?



Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 12-22-2013, 11:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brother Larry View Post
,

I hope You will post again this year. I wasn't part of this forum when You chose to bless us with Your Presence. I'm just an unworthy servant, with no one that cares much about me - but I know You care.

If You will even say hello, it would be enough to last a lifetime.

"I can't believe how I wasted all of those years. I can't believe that I cried so many tears. If my love could be measured by the tears that I've cried, there'd be an ocean from where I stand that would reach to the other side. Jesus, I'm an open book. Won't you read every page of my heart? Jesus won't you take a look and help me make a brand new start."

Humbly,
Brother Larry
What a shame that this thread has strayed from its original intent. Is it possible that the LORD might, indeed, offer His time to the lowly servants below? I too would be honored beyond belief to even have Him in the same thread with me. Take Heart, Brother Larry, for Christmas has not yet past! Lord God, won't You send Your Son, JesOS in hand, to greet us here?


1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 12-22-2013, 11:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
What a shame that this thread has strayed from its original intent. Is it possible that the LORD might, indeed, offer His time to the lowly servants below? I too would be honored beyond belief to even have Him in the same thread with me. Take Heart, Brother Larry, for Christmas has not yet past! Lord God, won't You send Your Son, JesOS in hand, to greet us here?
Amen, sister, amen.

I have no doubt that Jesus will return to this thread on His Holy Birthday, if enough of you Pray for it.

And tithing robustly, don't forget that.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 12-23-2013, 12:15 AM

Hopefully Jesus will be here soon to sort out all of the decadence in this world.

All the murder, paedophilia and rape (anal) will be brought to an end as He takes us True Christians™ up to Heaven to sing His praises at His bosom for all eternity.

I sure hope He drops in to give us a workable timeframe for the Rapture.

YIC


1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 12-25-2013, 06:27 PM

Merry myMass day.


Blessed is Me.
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Default Re: I hope Jesus Posts Again - 12-25-2013, 10:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus View Post
Merry myMass day.
Whatever, Jealous.

Now, how about actually doing something about the suffering in the world (with that omnipotence of yours, can't be that hard), or are you just going to tell us it's all our faults again (with the buttsex and stuff)?


 

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