General Church Fellowship A place for True Christians to join in praise, faith and fellowship. |
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The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
True Christian™
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Posts: 15,473
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 05:17 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I Hope you and your retarded
baby are doing well!
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Posts: 5,251
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: On the Straight and Narrow (Earthly location: Freehold, Iowa)
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 06:09 PM
What are you now, fourteen? Fifteen?
Oh, they grow up so fast!
Now that you're a married woman with a baby of your own, you'll soon realize how fast your own child will grow up.
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 06:28 PM
Happy Birthday Naomi,
Are you cooking Aaron something special?
YIC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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One of the Lord's Airborne Rangers Salvation from Above God's Favorite Pilot™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,282
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Flying the Friendly Skies for Jesus!
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 07:16 PM
Oh crap, that's right, that's today.
I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.
Happy birthday Naomi, I'll see you when I get back into town a week from Wednesday.
Winging our Way Across the World for The Lord!
God Bless John Boehner and God Bless the Grand Old Party!
Barack Hussein Obama is not My President!!!
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 07:32 PM
Congrats Aaron. Will you be at Landover Mens Club tonight? Dinner and drinks are on me in celebration.
If you feel compelled to spend money one her (I know how yoiu newly weds are), may I suggest a nice mop?
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™
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Posts: 4,779
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 07:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway
Oh crap, that's right, that's today.
I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.
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This is what I bought my wife for her birthday and he is very happy with it.
It saved her having to get down on her knees to clean the house with a dustpan and brush.
She did hint at a vacuum cleaner but I can't bare the noise.
Ecclesiastes 3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
YIC
Jack
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 1,716
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 08:29 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway
Oh crap, that's right, that's today.
I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.
Happy birthday Naomi, I'll see you when I get back into town a week from Wednesday.
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My wife literally wept with joy when I got her one of those new electric vacuum machines for our wedding anniversary, and it gives her some free time at the end of the day to get rested up for her "wifely duties" during the evening!
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Gushing for Jesus
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Posts: 23,742
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 08:39 PM
A Blessed Birthday to you, Mrs. Portway!
Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.
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Unsaved trash, menopausal
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Posts: 41
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: dusting
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 08:49 PM
Happy Birthday, Mrs. Portway. I hope your husband takes you out and gives you some nice jewelry.
1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
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Fourm Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,264
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 09:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway
Oh crap, that's right, that's today.
I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.
Happy birthday Naomi, I'll see you when I get back into town a week from Wednesday.
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Is there some sort of cookware she is collecting? I'm partial to Cast Iron, but I haven't been in her kitchen in so long, I don't remember her preferences.
I'm a little confused about the Pyrex. On the one hand, the only place to get the good stuff is in the thrift stores, but now, After this thread I am not so sure. On the other hand, I am convinced that the new stuff is a sign of end times.
I'll leave the decision in your manly capable hands.
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Fourm Member
Forum Member
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Posts: 9,264
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: On my way to Paradise
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-03-2013, 09:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by august
Happy Birthday, Mrs. Portway. I hope your husband takes you out and gives you some nice jewelry.
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AHEM!
1st Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
1st Peter 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
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Completely CRAZY for the Lord
True Christian™
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Posts: 14,666
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Leviticus Landing
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-04-2013, 10:36 AM
Mr Portway, I like to make my own gifts from wildflowers or foliage which can be woven into the lovliest designs. Alternatively, some local produce picked from the meadow such as wild mushrooms or berries is also a lovely gift idea (and you don't have to waste time weaving foliage (hawthorn or privet, say)). On a wooden plate maybe?
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Unsaved trash, blind, deaf and dumb
BANNED from Landover -- Aeternal Damnation Assured
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Posts: 76
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: spreading my legs for a horse
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-04-2013, 07:39 PM
Happy birthday, Mrs. Portway, and may you have a blessed day.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,910
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-05-2013, 05:15 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by teddybear
Happy birthday, Mrs. Portway, and may you have a blessed day.
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Hands off, boy. The White girls around here aren't interested in what you're selling.
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,178
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-05-2013, 05:40 AM
I got you a 8"x10" poster of Pastor Zeke. If you're really nice, I'll get his secretary to sign it in his name.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Posts: 22,438
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-05-2013, 08:53 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway
I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.
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Since when is what women want of any relevance? All that matters is what God wants! ( Ephesians 5:22-24)
Never buy a woman gifts, it only makes them greedy and whining about more gifts. Instead just give her a firm beating to make sure she knows her place.( Genesis 3:16)
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-11-2013, 11:25 AM
Naomi, I'm so sorry I missed your birthday! Don't worry though, I've bought you a state-of-the-art Web cam, which should be arriving in your mail box soon. You'll probably want Captain Portway to set it up for you.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 123
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: In Freehold at my husbands house.
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-11-2013, 11:53 PM
Thank you everybody. I couldn't use the computer for two weeks because I shrank one of Aaron's pilot jackets. Since it was specially hand made, it didn't have a label to not wash it, I should have asked him, but now it's ruined and money doesn't grow on ding-danged trees and any idiot knows you don't wash and dry wool, you take it to the cleaners. I should have known that, since I'm a wife and all.
To whoever told Aaron to get me a new ladder for my birthday, thank you. It'll make it easier to clean the gutters this spring. Also, thank you to whoever sent that big bag of flour. Maybe now with this kind I'll be able to make a halfway decent batch of pancakes, but I don't know, it seems like they taste OK to me, but Aaron says they taste like wet cardboard.
Anyway, now that I'm fifteen, I'll probably start to be better at being a wife and a Mommy. The baby still cries most of the time, but it doesn't bite as much, but I still wear oven mitts when I hold it.
YIC
Mrs. Naomi Portway
Aaron said I should have this for my signature to remind me how to be a good wife.
"Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
Pat Robertson
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Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 9,984
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: San Francisco, California
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Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway -
03-12-2013, 12:47 AM
So when can we expect you to be birthing a little brother for that precious bundle of joy? It would be cruel of you not to, as only children tend to be very sad and lonely.
WARNING:
In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.
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