[BrotherLarry]

This afternoon, several people from my church attended a reception for Sister Denise Maraschino, who knows someone who is a cousin to a woman whose friend is an acquaintance of President Trump. We were all honored to be in the presence of someone so close to the leader of the free world. Well, all of us except nasty old Sister Prunicia.

I had the misfortune of sitting behind Prunicia, who just kept going on and on about how she voted for Hillary Clinton and that President Trump was as "dumb as a bagel." Well, some of these things eventually were spread to Sister Denise, who was naturally offended and saddened that her close friend, our beloved leader, was being spoken of harshly. I had to take action. I stood up on my table and loudly rebuked Prunicia in Jesus' Name. I told her that she was not a true servant of the Lord and I knew this because the Holy Ghost didn't witness with her spirit and because if she was anything resembling a Child of God she would be praising Jesus continually that our president was elected. Well, don't you know that she had the gall to point at me and call me a religious zealot whose behavior was way out of bounds and that I should be removed from the reception, "or [she] will remove [her] support of the church - financially and in any other way."

Well, the pastor heard the mention of money so I was escorted to the door. I walked to the subway station singing the old hymn "Eternal Father Strong to Save," knowing that my statements were true and demonstrative of a believer in the sovereignty of God and our President. Women sometimes are just so touchy.

[Thomas Taylor]

Brother Larry,
Whilst I extoll your virtue in your rebuking of this pernicious woman I do have a question to ask. She is a woman why did you not give her a few stripes as suggested in the Good Book?


Psalms 89:32


“Then will I visite their transgression with the rod, and their iniquitie with stripes.”


This obvious demoncrat stepped over the line and it is your duty as a True Christian to point her in the One Direction.


P.S. Give her a slap up the side of the head on my behalf.


Yours in Faith
TT

[BrotherLarry]

My dear friend Tom,


This all happened so fast, and while I was being pulled down from the table I was restrained from trying to go near the demoncrat. I did, indeed, think of striking her before I jumped on the table. In hindsight I should have given her a good whack and then made my speech. Please know that given the opportunity, she'll be feeling my wrath and I'll also put in a swing just for you. Thanks for the support, my good man.


BrotherLarry


PS: Since there is now a restraining order against me, I'll be finding a new church this week and the likelihood of being able to find this woman again might be slim.

[I Man Rastafari]

White people are often very rude to Black people. I am not surprised to hear that they are also rude to each other. Black people are very friendly and not rude to anyone. I think that white people are very rude because of racism and once they get started on rudeness they are just rude to everyone.

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari

White people are often very rude to Black people. I am not surprised to hear that they are also rude to each other. Black people are very friendly and not rude to anyone. I think that white people are very rude because of racism and once they get started on rudeness they are just rude to everyone.

Do you have to stick your black nose (all smooshed up against your face) into everything, Boy? We white people were having a conversation about something that doesn't concern you people at all, and I'd appreciate it if you would get back to the fields and keep your master happy. Don't you have something better to do, like learning to tap dance or spit watermelon seeds a great distance?


Let us True Christians™ fellowship in peace and not have to worry about our pies being stolen or our white women being assaulted.


In Jesus Loving Name,
BrotherLarry

[Faith_Machine]

Larry, I was a bit taken aback to hear you describe this woman as "nasty old sister Prunicia."

That's not Christian talk, my brother.


Now then, regarding this Denise, did you know her last name is a kind of cherry?


Yes indeed. How old did you say she was?


Yes indeedy.

[BrotherLarry]

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine

Larry, I was a bit taken aback to hear you describe this woman as "nasty old sister Prunicia."

That's not Christian talk, my brother.


Now then, regarding this Denise, did you know her last name is a kind of cherry?


Yes indeed. How old did you say she was?


Yes indeedy.

Brother Faith,


I didn't think it was proper to ask a member of the weaker s-e-x about age, but in my estimation, she is between 17 and 19; I didn't spend much time with her because of my quick exit. I can tell you that she is a family oriented type, since she also brought her younger sister, who is 15 and just as pretty as can be.


Yours in Jesus,
Larry

[Faith_Machine]

Ah, well the Maraschino sisters sound like the perfect topping to a "Sundae" at church!

I very much look forward to meeting them.